[delicatefade26]

I don't even know what is going on with me-or what T will say to this...ugg

Ahhhh F off..."take care"-whatever-that's exactly what I'm going to do-and i don't need you anymore-it's all worthless and pointless anyways-I have to learn how to do this by myself-and she needs to die...she needs to go away and so I will not be seeing you again-it will all end anyways...blah blah blah I'm done...i don't mean to be a crazy b itch but don't worry it's done. I'm not taking this ****ing medicine anymore...I'm going back to a different place-where this **** doesn't exist..."she" is screaming but i will shut the little needy b itch up...no more of this...ahhhhhhhhhhhhh F it...

[delicatefade26]

I don't know what to do now : /

[Xeneon]

I'm so sorry your having a hard time. You sound in your letter exhausted from all stuff going on in your letter and it sounds like you have been thinking about this for awhile. Honestly its okay to yell and scream at our counselor because she might think it progress or maybe it starts you on another path. If you choose to stay with her. I think its acturally great that you sent your T this letter because sometime things just build up and who better to exspoled on the your T. If you mean't every word you said then maybe you should find a new T or take a break for alittle while. If you didn't mean it then you'll work it out with T. I hope you get break. Best of wishes-X

[Xeneon]

If you didn't mean it send her a letter saying you didn't mean and that you don't know whats going on with you anymore. If you mean't it maybe you can call T and explain why you feel this way. Why you feel like giving up on counseling and stop taking meds. Maybe you can work it out and if you can't then maybe you should start looking for a new T.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by delicatefade26

I don't even know what is going on with me-or what T will say to this...ugg

Ahhhh F off..."take care"-whatever-that's exactly what I'm going to do-and i don't need you anymore-it's all worthless and pointless anyways-I have to learn how to do this by myself-and she needs to die...she needs to go away and so I will not be seeing you again-it will all end anyways...blah blah blah I'm done...i don't mean to be a crazy b itch but don't worry it's done. I'm not taking this ****ing medicine anymore...I'm going back to a different place-where this **** doesn't exist..."she" is screaming but i will shut the little needy b itch up...no more of this...ahhhhhhhhhhhhh F it...

First, let me express my concern for you - please continue to post and let us know you are okay.

I'm impressed that you expressed a partof yourself that wanted to have a say! I don't know where you are as far as therapy goes, but I think it was courageous to write down how that part of you feels AND to then share it with your therapist. You say you don't know what's going on, and believe me, I've been there. PM me if you need to talk more. Take care!

[delicatefade26]

Here is the crazy thing...I wrote him earlier to tell him all the family stress we having right now and asked of I could see him on sat-he said we could work something out-then I wrote back and said I could wait til next Thursday-he wrote back ok and a smiley face-it set me off-I wrote back that he was so F-ing annoying and his F-img smiley faces and that it should all end..and a bunch of other rantigs-he wrote back that things probably feel out of control right now and it's hard to make sense of things-and in response to me satin he was probably glad to get rid of me because I know he is irritated with me-he said he was not irritated more concerned and to take care...that's when i sent the above...

[karebear1]

If you need him to take it all back and you still really want to see him on Saturday- tell him. It'll be ok.

[missbelle]

T will understand..really....you are not going to your T because you are a well healthy mentally stable person...you are going to get help. I know T has read much worse!!

Originally Posted by delicatefade26

Here is the crazy thing...I wrote him earlier to tell him all the family stress we having right now and asked of I could see him on sat-he said we could work something out-then I wrote back and said I could wait til next Thursday-he wrote back ok and a smiley face-it set me off-I wrote back that he was so F-ing annoying and his F-img smiley faces and that it should all end..and a bunch of other rantigs-he wrote back that things probably feel out of control right now and it's hard to make sense of things-and in response to me satin he was probably glad to get rid of me because I know he is irritated with me-he said he was not irritated more concerned and to take care...that's when i sent the above...

delicatefade, I don't know much of your history with your T, but based on what you wrote here, it sounds like he really is concerned about you.

I also agree with karebear. If you wish to still work through this with T, tell him so. He knows you have alot of family stress right now and he will understand.

[learning1]

I agree, I definitely don't think he wants to get rid of you. But if I were him, maybe I'd wonder if you really wanted to come on Saturday, but I'd feel out of place to keep asking if you want to come, so I'd wait to see if you said you want to come and hope that you'd tell me whatever you really want the most.

[granite1]

i just want to say what everyone else has said and all but cant say it any better .i am sorry you are hurting so much.i know your t will understand.but i might send another e-mail and let him know you still want to see him so he is clear about what you need .if you are still wanting to go to T

[delicatefade26]

So I got an email from T this morning saying "So let's get together and talk through this"
So I wrote back "I feel so embaraased I didn't mean it-I don't know what is going on with me-I have an idea but I don't know why I'm having such difficulty and doing things like that-when could we get together to work through it-I'm sorry T-I'm ashamed I don't talk to people like that : (

So we will see what he says...

[dismantle.repair]

Hey chin up facade
Your T wants to be there for you. Let them.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by delicatefade26

Thursday-he wrote back ok and a smiley face-it set me off-I wrote back that he was so F-ing annoying and his F-img smiley faces.

If you don't like his smiley faces, you have every right to say so!

Please try not to feel embarassed by the e mail. You spoke out of pain and T knows that. Get the most out of your apointment with T and be kind to yourself.

[~EnlightenMe~]

I'm so glad that your T is going to see you and work through this! I hear you say that you feel ashamed, but I hope you don't feed into the shame. This is why you are in therapy, and you have been triggered by something I suspect from your past and the only way to work through it now is to express it in the present. This part of you is clearly in pain and I know that you will work through this and get to a peaceful place. I'll keep you in my thoughts. ..

[likewater]

((((Delicatefade)))) glad you are going to see your T. He sounds cool, and i think you are super brave. I'm sorry you are in so much
pain. Please keep posting. Sending hugs if that' s ok.

[SoupDragon]

delicatefade - I think it was a good thing that you shared with your T how you were feeling - thoughts and feelings do come and go and I think it is really helpful to our T's that they know where we are with these things.

Hope you are able to share more face to face with T - Soup