[mcl6136]

All,

Last session was a big deal for me. I told about meeting someone IRL rather than in therapy who could talk to me about my *biggest* issue. I drove an hour and a half from my home town to meet with this person, and it was a big risk because I'd done the reaching out and it was hard.....

Anyway, the session was actually not a great one, because T and I got off on some weird tangents and I felt like things were all over the map before the session's end. I began the entire session with "I have big news about someone that I met and things that I aired outside of therapy and I want to tell you about this..." but then we got majorly distracted. Then, when I talked in depth about meeting this new person it was sooo late... then, it was the end of the session and when I gave the details, I was crying pretty hard.

Sobbing, actually.

AND THEN...."we have to end now..."

Clunk! Splat! GAH!

It was diffficult to pull myself together and stagger out of the office. Like really feeling rubber-legged! Really difficult. T knew this was a big moment for me IRL, and a positive thing in many respects....and T said something like Enjoy!

Enjoy? I was sobbing! Sheesh!

Anyone feel me on this one? I wish I had done my sobbing early, not late. Ending my session in that state made things pretty dicey for me this week. I wish I could have pulled myself together more so I could have gone on with life, re-packaged myself a little. I felt like Hankster said in another post -- screaming like a banshee....I feel really unhinged today, yesterday.....my session was on Tuesday...I'm having a hard time hanging in there because of my last minute sobbing.......

Sob!

I could really use some support ...this isn't a bad thing per se but wow... I am flailing away here in my usual understated way, acting like nothing's wrong at my day job.

Whew!!

I hate it when I'm still sort of a basketcase when my session is over. My T is really very good at ramping things down before I leave, but sometimes despite his efforts I'm still not together. If he can, he'll go overtime with me, but that isn't always an option. Several times though he's asked me to sit for awhile in another office until I was okay enough to drive safely.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I hate it when I'm still sort of a basketcase when my session is over. My T is really very good at ramping things down before I leave, but sometimes despite his efforts I'm still not together. If he can, he'll go overtime with me, but that isn't always an option. Several times though he's asked me to sit for awhile in another office until I was okay enough to drive safely.

that is what I wish had happened. I did not feel that safe stumbling out of there but it was okay in the end driving-wise.

However, these last few days have been a bit funky...no, real funky!

[unaluna]

Do you want to share your news with us? or is it not about that? Do you have someone else to share it with? It sounds like this meeting was a very big deal, and he didn't let you share it with him? Do you think he did that on purpose? What were the "distractions"? I'm sorry this has left you feeling so discombobulated, at loose ends. You took a risk, it seems he should be supporting and congratulating you for your efforts, not undermining you emotionally afterwards?

[roads]

If you can really pull off acting as if nothing happened, then you're a "better man than I am Gunga Din"!

What a horrendous arrangement of events ... I'm sooo sorry. Yes, if only you coulda scheduled it better--but then therapy sessions, mine anyway, don't lend themselves to such conveniences.

And if they did then, being who we are, we'd demand the same of life.

If I were you, I'd have to let go of that last session & focus of how to keep that same result from happening again. I would try handling it by telling T straight out at the start that this was very important & I wanted to devote the entire session to the topic of X, this person & our developing relationship. I would ask that T keep me focused on this ... no side trips.

This method usually worked for me with one of my Ts.

** hugs galore ((((mcl6136)))) sitting near **

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Roadie

If you can really pull off acting as if nothing happened, then you're a "better man than I am Gunga Din"!

What a horrendous arrangement of events ... I'm sooo sorry. Yes, if only you coulda scheduled it better--but then therapy sessions, mine anyway, don't lend themselves to such conveniences.

And if they did then, being who we are, we'd demand the same of life.

If I were you, I'd have to let go of that last session & focus of how to keep that same result from happening again. I would try handling it by telling T straight out at the start that this was very important & I wanted to devote the entire session to the topic of X, this person & our developing relationship. I would ask that T keep me focused on this ... no side trips.

This method usually worked for me with one of my Ts.

** hugs galore ((((mcl6136)))) sitting near **

thank you so much! The more I think about this, the more of a T blunder it seems.

the two of us easily slip into intellectualizing, and twice during the session I said "I don't want to talk about this other person right now.." and I should have added, .I want to talk about my meeting with this new contact, and what I was able to discuss with him, which so far, I have only shared minimally IRL and have dwelled on here, but have never exported outside of therapy. This is key! I want to concentrate on that and I need your help to do so.

Maybe I will actually say that next week....but it seems so long fron now....sigh!

In terms of Gunga Din, I'm not so sure I'm holding it together all that well. Suddenly. A co-worker just happened by my office and wanted me to help her with her computer and I thought....this could be that last straw...at long last...

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by hankster

Do you want to share your news with us? or is it not about that? Do you have someone else to share it with? It sounds like this meeting was a very big deal, and he didn't let you share it with him? Do you think he did that on purpose? What were the "distractions"? I'm sorry this has left you feeling so discombobulated, at loose ends. You took a risk, it seems he should be supporting and congratulating you for your efforts, not undermining you emotionally afterwards?

I don't really have anyone else to share this with... ...which blows. I kind of feel like I can only hint about it to others "in real life"...which also blows! It's very hard to talk about in real life without coming across as a major flake, which I am not (mostly anyway ). Basically, the topic of the meeting was a set of phenomenon that I have experienced that I would call "paranormal" in a general sense. Lots of Ts might think it was symptomatic of psychosis, and mine does not (thankfully). But given my super-repressed upbringing, and training in empirical matters, it's hard for me to wrap my head around....I have been working really hard at coming to understandings...I feel like my therapy around this has been helpful -- to an extent. And I have felt like it was vital to find someone to connect with in real life about this....and I did.

Now, it feels like a let-down bringing it back into therapy. So...yes! The meeting in real life was a very big deal, but the therapy session felt kind of like...hmmm....splat! I blame the timing of my sobbing but maybe it's not that at all. Yes, I felt like I took a risk, and while I don't feel like my T was actively doing anything wrong, it was as if the meeting itself in real life was far far more therapeutic than the therapy.

Yikes. That is a major realization to have.....maybe I should go fix the computer after all!

MCL

[SallyBrown]

I hate it when we get so sidetracked in sessions that we don't get to what I really needed to talk about until the end. Sometimes my T will admit that he wasn't helping us stay focused, sometimes it's mostly on me for following tangents even as I know I don't want to follow them -- usually it's some combination of the two. But the end result is me crying in the bathroom in my T's office building.

I can also relate to the default but inappropriate chipper valediction. I wrote a thread on something similar a couple months ago: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=208935 ... what was really frustrating about that is that it isn't the way my T would normally have closed an e-mail, at all, which made it seem even more bizarrely careless.

I didn't really write anything to follow up how things actually got resolved from that, but what ended up happening was that I came back to it in some later session, and told my T that it was still upsetting, and he asked why. I said (through tears) something like, "because there was a time when if you did something that was unintentionally hurtful, and I told you, 'I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but you did,' you would say you were sorry and we'd clear things up and move on. Now you just say, 'Well, that's not what I meant,' which ignores both what I said about it and how I actually feel, and so I'm left on my own." He said something like, "So I acted as if it was a misunderstanding, when it wasn't a misunderstanding... it was just hurtful, and I didn't even acknowledge the hurt. I'm sorry I hurt you, Sally."

I don't really have any advice, I'm just sorry you're going through this. It sucks. I just hope you can talk about it next time without your T getting too wrapped up in the intellectual side or who did what, and instead focus on how hurt it left you. Sometimes my T gets defensive and seems focused on whether I think it was his "fault" -- which I often don't, and which you have clearly said you don't in your case, but we can end up going over that kind of minutia anyway. That's one stumbling block I can say you might encounter based on my own experience.

I hope you can feel a little better soon! Any way to meet with your T earlier than next week?

[sittingatwatersedge]

(((((((((((( mcl ))))))))))) I'm so sorry.

Maybe you could arrange to have an extended session on a day when you plan to get into your *biggest* issue. Too much time is so much better than none.

I always imagine that Ts should even let the time run over a bit in situations like that...

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by SallyBrown

I hate it when we get so sidetracked in sessions that we don't get to what I really needed to talk about until the end. Sometimes my T will admit that he wasn't helping us stay focused, sometimes it's mostly on me for following tangents even as I know I don't want to follow them -- usually it's some combination of the two. But the end result is me crying in the bathroom in my T's office building.

I can also relate to the default but inappropriate chipper valediction. I wrote a thread on something similar a couple months ago: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=208935 ... what was really frustrating about that is that it isn't the way my T would normally have closed an e-mail, at all, which made it seem even more bizarrely careless.

I didn't really write anything to follow up how things actually got resolved from that, but what ended up happening was that I came back to it in some later session, and told my T that it was still upsetting, and he asked why. I said (through tears) something like, "because there was a time when if you did something that was unintentionally hurtful, and I told you, 'I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but you did,' you would say you were sorry and we'd clear things up and move on. Now you just say, 'Well, that's not what I meant,' which ignores both what I said about it and how I actually feel, and so I'm left on my own." He said something like, "So I acted as if it was a misunderstanding, when it wasn't a misunderstanding... it was just hurtful, and I didn't even acknowledge the hurt. I'm sorry I hurt you, Sally."

I don't really have any advice, I'm just sorry you're going through this. It sucks. I just hope you can talk about it next time without your T getting too wrapped up in the intellectual side or who did what, and instead focus on how hurt it left you. Sometimes my T gets defensive and seems focused on whether I think it was his "fault" -- which I often don't, and which you have clearly said you don't in your case, but we can end up going over that kind of minutia anyway. That's one stumbling block I can say you might encounter based on my own experience.

I hope you can feel a little better soon! Any way to meet with your T earlier than next week?

a default but inappropriate validiction is a keeper phrase....I actually think in my heart of hearts my T was a bit stunned that I went out and did this in real life....and was a little flummoxed about how to deal with this...I have been keeping this stuff under wraps and all of a sudden off i went....careening with this stuff into "real life" and maybe it was even a bit jarring for T. Who knows. But thanks for your response. I'm gonna look at the link and also am thinking of calling T for another followup session....I do feel like I'm hanging in but barely!

Thanks SB,

MCL

[healed84]

((((hugs))) I know that feeling all too well. I haven't cried in a session yet, but I have left feeling just so open... raw, wanting to finish something with T... And T would be just like, see ya next week. Sometimes, he would add.. call if I need to. I hope things get better for you.

[mcl6136]

raw is the perfect word.

I'm glad that others get it.

EEEK!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

Anyway, the session was actually not a great one, because T and I got off on some weird tangents and I felt like things were all over the map before the session's end. I began the entire session with "I have big news about someone that I met and things that I aired outside of therapy and I want to tell you about this..." but then we got majorly distracted.

SPECULATION:

I think your T was jealous.

Of course your T may not admit to this, but she might admit that she was "feeling protective of the therapeutic relationship."

[mcl6136]

I totally agree. This came to me in a flash last night.

It fits; it rings true and I believe it to be true.

there are many things going on in that "therapeutic relationship" but for now, jealousy tops my list.

I, of course, am also speculating.

There was something a little disingenuous about the "enjoy" comment at the very end. I feel weird (real weird) writing that, but I also believe that to be true.

Thanks for writing!!!!