[Elli-Beth]

I haven't posted here for a while. My life calmed down and started to feel safe for the first time in years, and the topics in session even got a little boring for a bit, but I kept going because I knew I needed it to heal from the awful stuff before.

But the past two weeks have been horrible. Loads of nightmares and "intrustive thoughts" during the day, almost no sleep (about 3 hours a night?), trouble holding it together without breaking down crying, etc. T says the floodgates have finally opened because I'm feeling safe enough to allow them to open. Great...

He's been amazing about almost everything. He's had me call him in the middle of the night as soon as I wake up in a panic or nightmare so that he can help me when things are at their worst. It has helped to soothe me out of the panic faster, and a few nights the panic has almost not been there at all.

Thing is the lack of sleep is really driving me up a wall. I end up being up the rest of the night. I started to break down a little on the phone with him tonight and finally just let him have it about being so bleeping positive about my progress when I just wanted him to really hear how much I'm falling apart and just want to be able to get back to sleep. And he finally heard me! It took TWO weeks, but he finally got that it's more than just talking me out of a panic- I might need to sleep to function! He's FINALLY referring me to a doc for temporary sleep help!

I know I'm really lucky to have a T that's so great about phone calls and hours, but sometimes he just ticks me off because he's just beaming about what he sees as long-term progress and it doesn't feel like he gets how this is screwing up my day-to-day life.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense or I'm rambling.

Yes makes sense. They do get how difficult it is, but they also know that once we have got through it we arrive at a much stronger and secure place. Once you have put more words to the feelings the unconscious will no longer bother you like that as you sleep. Your at the meeting place now.

[granite1]

elli-beth you have been missed.it seems sometime T seem to forget how bad the pain can be along with the healing and although it is true feeling this and dealing with this may be progress it stll can feel so bad.i am glad you are going to get some help sleeping.for me things very quickly get a lot worse when i can't sleep.please let us know how things go

[Elli-Beth]

I'm so pissed at him right now. He basically just told me it's my choice whether or not I feel overwhelmed. I'm trying to function on 3 or fewer hours sleep a night, I had trouble just writing down a phone number even, and he f'ing thinks I can just STOP?!?!

Oh this feels a different tone to your first post? Perhaps his not so great if he thinks its conscious choice?

Originally Posted by Elli-Beth

I'm so pissed at him right now. He basically just told me it's my choice whether or not I feel overwhelmed. I'm trying to function on 3 or fewer hours sleep a night, I had trouble just writing down a phone number even, and he f'ing thinks I can just STOP?!?!

Your T sounds a bit like my T. When I'm feeling overwhelmed and out of control, he will say that it is my choice where to go with this. He is careful to say he is NOT saying that I am choosing to feel and think the way I am. What he is saying is that now that I'm in that place, I can take control over what I do with it, how I handle it, etc. I can take back my control or I can surrender to the chaos. I also hate it when he says that, but I know he is right. Not that I always do what needs to be done though. He is talking about coping skills, distractions, activities, exercise, etc. that are hard to do and still be thinking about the choas. I'm just really stubborn and choose not to distract myself or exercise or whatever and then the overwhelming feelings go on. So, perhaps think of this as your T telling you you really haven't lost control here; you can find your control.

I so get you! It is sooo hard to not sleep. It effects every moment of your waking life. It feels like you would kill or steal just to get a good nights sleep. Insomnia is bad enough, but when you can't sleep because of nightmares, well that is even worse.

You ARE lucky to have a t you can call after a bad nightmare. He IS trying to help you. I know it's hard to hear that, but you just have to accept that it is true until you can really feel it. Don't over analyze it right now.

For now, it's good that you can get some medical assistance. For a lot of people, you just need meds for a short time- until your body "remembers" what it feels like to get a good nights sleep. Try to be patient with yourself.

Good luck!

[precious things]

This may not be a popular opinion but have you considered seeing an MD and getting a script for some sleeping pills? It seems like in the short-term, you could really benefit from more sleep.

[FourRedheads]

Hi Elli-Beth, it's good to see you. I've missed seeing your posts around here.