upset with T

T has reassured me many times over the last three months that it is okay for me to call him, if I felt like I need to in between sessions. The first time I ever called (before I really knew it was okay) he never called me back. He explained the next session that I should tell the receptionist that it was urgent and that would ensure he would get back to me that day. Three weeks ago I called as I was having major panic attacks everyday. I told the receptionist that it was urgent.. he didnt' call me back. I had to call him the next day.

Yesterday, I called him at 10am.. told the receptionist that I needed to talk to him today. She said okay. He never called back. I suppose it is possible that he still could call me back. However, this is just somewhat of an emerging trend with him. I call him, b/c at the time I feel like I need to talk to him and it makes me feel worse when he doesn't call back. So, just a little vent this morning. I think it is a good thing, I don't have his e-mail address b/c I probably would have e-mailed him at the height of my annoyonce last night and let it all out. It is hard to reach out for help, especially in between sessions and when I don't get what I need it makes me feel like I am too much to handle or too needy.

One thing I have learned over the years is that if I called earlier in the day and haven't heard from him by about 4:00, I call back and let his secretary know so she can remind him. I call then because the phone lines shut down at 5:00. Generally that does the trick. He's been known to shuffle a message under papers, and one time it was actually his secretary who got crazy busy and forgot to give him the message. That was really unusual as she is a fantastic secretary. She actually remembered what she had done after she got home that night, called him at home, and told him to call me. Anyway, address the issue with your T so the problem can be rectified. He needs to know how you are affected by his lack of response.

IMO, if this is going to work at all, you've got to get the receptionist out of the picture altogether.

For all you know, she's not relaying the message, he doesn't check in with her OR she might even decide that she gets to play triage and decide which calls are important and which aren't.

This really is something that your therapist and you need to work out. It's either okay to call and expect a call back, or it isn't.

This limbo has got to be terrible, and I'm not sure you have to put up with it.

Rather than talking to the receptionist directly about it though, I would definitely let the therapist handle it and insist that he leave you out of it altogether. One way to ensure that your calls never see the light of day would be to make her mad.

I use to be afraid to talk to people on the phone. My group therapist gave me the name of my individual therapist to call and make an appointment to and, the first time, the phone number was part of a group where they had receptionist, etc. and they answered the phone and put me on hold and then never came back (and, I was afraid to hang up so I was on there 15+ minutes until the phone company severed the call!). I didn't know what to do! I called my group therapist and told her what had happened and she said.

That would have made me angry. Don't wait on hold that long, hang up and call back!

If you want to talk to your T but it is not "his" phone number, you have to keep calling and waiting a reasonable period of time (a couple hours so you know if he has back-to-back sessions that he has had at least one break and gotten at least 1-2 messages that you have called) and then calling again. If you call two or three times, then you start working on the receptionist :-) so she starts working on him or giving you better information ("well, he isn't actually scheduled to be here until 2:00 so it will be after that when he calls you" or, "I really haven't seen him today, he may not be here."), etc. Then, when he finally calls you, the first words out of your mouth are, "Darn you're hard to get ahold of! Is there anything you can do about that?"

Now, I understand it is easier to do nothing and blame the other person for the problem but it is not the other person who wants to talk to us, it is us who wants to talk to them?

Thanks all. I called back as soon as they opened this morning and the receptionist said, that he got the message, but she knew he had back to back clients yesterday and then his own doctors appointment that afternoon. He called me back two hours later. He got me for an appointment today.. So, I will see if I can manage to bring up the problem with him during our session.

I'm glad to see it worked out for him to see you. I hope you were able to bring it up. Your T and the phone sounds like my T and email.