[pbutton]

T asked me some difficult questions yesterday. I chose not to respond. Instead I sat and inspected his carpet like I was some kind of quote agent for Stanley Steemer. At first I almost had a reply and then I just went totally blank. I wasn't holding anything back because there was nothing there.

What do I do now? I can't keep going in there and saying nothing. That would be pointless. I can't figure out a new angle on this. I don't want to go in there and talk about frivolous things. But if my brain shuts off when we get to the hard stuff, what's the point of showing up?

[critterlady]

Talk to him about what you're experiencing when he asks those difficult questions. He can help figure out a new angle. That's one of the things he's paid for.

have you talked about the fact that there is nothing there with T? That could be a good starting point.

Sometimes a question is just for you, to think about, to take away with you, to help unravel the internal knot, it doesn't always have to be about answering there and then, therapy is for you to use as you can. Your not a naughtie child standing in the sch heads room.

[stopdog]

I also do not like talking about (paying the therapist to talk about) frivolous things, but perhaps if it does not happen too often, it can give you the space to become comfortable about talking about the non frivolous - sort of a germination period. Has it been going on for months regularly or is it sporadic?

I do this, too... and have burned holes in the carpet with my stares! Things that help me:

T and me: Figuring out what part of me is protecting me from answering--Will my response bring shame? (Often the case.) Why was I conditioned to feel shame? Then she'll gently let me know that I have nothing to be ashamed of.

T: 1) Her asking questions, trying to draw out the answer with smaller less threatening questions. Sometimes she'll guess and she's wrong and I'll let her know and then allow myself to correct her. Sometimes it's like the game 20 questions... but it does often work.
2) After 5 or so minutes of small talk at the beginning of the session, she'll have me close my eyes and we do a meditation in which she talks to the scared/child parts and lets them know that her office is a safe place of non-judgment, that she welcomes and loves all parts of me, reminds me of the core in me that emanates out love for myself and others. Then we start to go into the deeper stuff. Sometimes the short meditation isn't enough and we might need to do another one.

Me: 1) Writing down an answer to a really tough question and then handing it to her to read (some Ts might make you read it).
2) After I leave I often deeply regret it if I can't get any of my answers out so I try hard to remember this as my stares start burning holes. Almost all the time I do eventually answer her questions, but sometimes with only 15 minutes left so I leave feeling very unsatisfied because we had to stop just when we started making progress.

Good luck! Remember, you've come this far and though it might be hard and frustrating, *this* is part of the process. With some gentle guidance you soon will allow yourself to talk

[sittingatwatersedge]

wow, Eastcoaster has given you a lot of excellent pointers, I can't add much to that

I was thinking you might write yr T a letter about going silent. Maybe to say that you notice when it tends to happen; or want to say how it makes you feel & wish it was different; whatever is in yr heart. bring it with you; you needn't ever show it, but there may come a time when you want to just hand it over.

hang in there, keep going

[Perna]

I would look at the questions you were asked, now, when you feel "safer" and write out some answers, maybe bring them up yourself next session or even just mention that you did. It takes time to learn to consider the hard questions and look for answers and discuss them with another at the same time.

[unaluna]

I will tell to come sit next to me (or not), and to just keep talking, just throw some words out there - we know the general area or gist of what i'm feeling, so we just keep going back and forth - almost like a password game of phrases - until something clicks.

Sometimes when this happens to me, I just go home write it all in my journal then just hand my T the journal next session, or ask for another session if there is time. My T will read my journal herself, but I heard people talk about here that their T's/some T's will make you read it to them.

eastcoaster had some good suggestions, pbutton. Not sure I have anything to say other than I feel for you. Having to talk about this stuff sucks.