[MASIMO]

Intense session yesterday. I was rambling, he felt desperate to get a word in edgewise and he said, Shut Up ..... name. I let it slide at the time, but late last night it hit me that what he said was very hurtful.
Especially since I'm in a verbally abusive relationship. He also threw in my face that I came on to him as better than sliced bread, guess he was trying to say I deserve better than that. then we parted with a hug.
I sent him an email in the middle of the night, he responded and was so apologetic, asking me to give him a chance to regain my trust, etc.
He called me first thing this morning....obviously he knew he really F...K.ed up with me. I told him I forgive him. Perhaps I should have made him sweat for a bit. But, I love him.....I'm not that mean.

But, wow, being told to shut up!!

[WikidPissah]

Bravo for taking care of it right away! And yea "shut up" is NO OK, ever!

[ClementineK]

Woah, if my T told me to "shut up," it would totally shock me!!

I am so glad to hear though that he was so apologetic. That does count for something. In a way....I would be tempted to tell myself that my T must really care if I managed to get that much of a reaction out of her.

I'm glad he was so apologetic about it.

[InTherapy]

Everyone (even therapists) make stupid lapses in judgement sometimes... but to me, that's still a red flag.

It sounds like he's trying to make amends, so I wouldn't rush out and dump him... but keep it in mind if something else weird happens.

Good luck and keep us updated

[healed84]

Wow, I would be shocked to hear shut up out of my T's mouth.. I am glad that he has aplogized to you and is trying to make it up to you. Good luck, I hope you two can mend your relationship!

[Dreamy01]

It is simply not acceptable for a T to tell a client to shut up. If this happened to me I would never trust them again for all the apologies in the world. We go to therapy to be listened to, supported and helped, not verbally abused and insulted all over again. A T could be seriously reprimanded in some countries by professional therapy registrations for saying something like that. I feel sure a T could lose their licence in some instances.

I'm glad he has apologised but only you can decide if this is enough to continue working with him. Please don't feel this all you deserve or fall into the familiar pattern of abuse...you deserve kindness and compassion, not abuse and judgement. If this therapist can say it once, he can say it again...and more. Yes we are all human, but he is supposedly a trained therapist. I hope he can prove to you he is prepared to look at why he was driven to say something so nasty to you and own it.

[WePow]

I think you did great by letting him know that it hurt you. Ts do mess up at times. But it is also great that you were able to move forward with this. Yeppers... this one will leave a scar. But I also think it can be a good foundation stone for seeing how to live inside alive relationships.

[rebnsof]

As human beings, we all make mistakes. I think you did the right thing and I admire you for forgiving something like that. I bet he will try very hard to make it up to you. Just don't let this happen again. If it does, run. You need a therapist, not an abuser. Good luck!

[anilam]

I think it depends more how he said it. Not saying that being told by my T to shut up wouldn't surprise me.
IDK... I do say shut up sometimes and not mean it in a bad way.

However, I KNOW it's great you stood up for yourself.

[Dreamy01]

((((Masimo))))

I hope I wasn't too harsh on your T. Sorry if so

I just find it frustrating when therapists say things or behave in ways that increase the hurt that so many people have already experienced and go to therapy for help with.

I know everyone is human and I hope for your sake that this T is able to own his mistake and genuinely intends this will never happen again.

If it does, you have every right to find another T and you're not required to forgive him. To be honest something worries me about his email asking for forgiveness...but maybe this is just my stuff.

Trust yourself and your gut feeling foremost.

Take care.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Dreamy01

((((Masimo))))

I hope I wasn't too harsh on your T. Sorry if so

I just find it frustrating when therapists say things or behave in ways that increase the hurt that so many people have already experienced and go to therapy for help with.

I know everyone is human and I hope for your sake that this T is able to own his mistake and genuinely intends this will never happen again.

If it does, you have every right to find another T and you're not required to forgive him. To be honest something worries me about his email asking for forgiveness...but maybe this is just my stuff.

Trust yourself and your gut feeling foremost.

Take care.

Well, if it's your stuff it's also my stuff. Because I tolerated a LOT, I'm super sensitive to this and I would urge people to err on the side of caution...after all, we are paying for this...we are expecting to be treated by a caregiver in a certain way, and we are often vulnerable.

yes, it's true that every one of us is human and prone to mistakes but I would be very careful around a caregiver who told me to shut up.

I think this is outrageous, actually. Ubacceptable and outrageous. People deserve second chances, but not unlilmited chances, especially adults who have agreed to give care.

I hope I'm not out of line. but I would watch this person .

[MASIMO]

I haven't met with my psychologist since last week when he said shut up.
He also threw at me that I almost made out with a man, and that I came on to my therapist as being better than sliced bread.

I told him I felt insulted, that he made me seem like a desparate woman.
It diminished me. I said, "what am I, just some slut" He said should never have said the words shut up to anyone, that he was becoing inpatient
like a little boy to jump in and get a word edgewise....I was rambling.

He argued what he said to the contrary, apologized profusely, said, please dont be angry with him, and to give him the opportunity to "repair" what damage was done to our relationship.

Anyway, he called me and I told him I forgave him. Sent him a long email about what I think love is, and what I
think our love is.

I wonder now if I was too forgiving. Maybe I should have let him swirm a bit, at least until our next session, like I have swirmed not hearing from him. That sounds mean, and I'm not mean.....I love him.
I wonder if all this will come up now that we have kind of talked this out,
but not directly.

[ColourBars]

Originally Posted by MASIMO

Intense session yesterday. I was rambling, he felt desperate to get a word in edgewise and he said, Shut Up ..... name. I let it slide at the time, but late last night it hit me that what he said was very hurtful.
Especially since I'm in a verbally abusive relationship. He also threw in my face that I came on to him as better than sliced bread, guess he was trying to say I deserve better than that. then we parted with a hug.
I sent him an email in the middle of the night, he responded and was so apologetic, asking me to give him a chance to regain my trust, etc.
He called me first thing this morning....obviously he knew he really F...K.ed up with me. I told him I forgive him. Perhaps I should have made him sweat for a bit. But, I love him.....I'm not that mean.

But, wow, being told to shut up!!

I woulda probably be in shock too.. then awkwardly say, "Well **** you too!"