what is emotional maturity?

stopdog · Mar 28, 2012, 08:37 AM

Another thread talked about emotional maturity.
Is it that your feelings finally match reality or is it that you do not act like the emotional parts that are wrong are going on?
Basically is it how you feel or how you act?

LoneWolfie · Mar 28, 2012, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Another thread talked about emotional maturity.
Is it that your feelings finally match reality or is it that you do not act like the emotional parts that are wrong are going on?
Basically is it how you feel or how you act?

I haven't been around on the boards much and I was surprised when I saw the title.

It is how I feel.

stopdog · Mar 28, 2012, 08:59 AM

So if you are emotionally mature - the feelings are appropriate in both type and amount to the situation?

Is this an odd thread or idea to ask about?

SpiritRunner · Mar 28, 2012, 09:04 AM

No, this isn't odd, stopdog.....I think maybe people are needing to give it a lot of thought before responding, maybe.
For me, a part of emotional maturity has to do with being aware of your emotions, acknowledging them, and not getting carried away by them/overly influenced by them/believing them to BE reality......a balance of emotion/reason. An ability to step back and say, OK, this is how I feel, I accept that, why do I feel like this, how am I going to handle this emotion instead of this emotion handling me?
And eh, I don't know that feelings/emotions are ever going to match reality so well......or that is, be perfectly proportionate to the situation.....emotional maturity involves being able to see the difference, perhaps....
That's my short answer.....I'm gonna stop before I get long-winded and people roll their eyes at my novela type posts.

unaluna · Mar 28, 2012, 09:18 AM

it's when you know there is enough pie to go around, so you don't have to push to get your piece.

WikidPissah · Mar 28, 2012, 09:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Basically is it how you feel or how you act?

I think it's both. If you feel emotionally mature you have your emotions in check and they are appropriate most of the time. That causes you to act differently.

PreacherHeckler · Mar 28, 2012, 09:52 AM

I think emotionally mature people are comfortable with a wide range of emotions in both themselves and in others. They understand that feelings aren't facts -- feelings are a source of information that they can use in combination with logic and reason in order to make good decisions about their actions. I think they have the ability to see things from different perspectives and they aren't afraid to take a critical look at their own behavior.
I guess if I had to define it in one sentence, I'd say that emotionally mature people are aware of their own immaturity and they recognize that there is always room for improvement in themselves and others.

Mar 28, 2012, 09:52 AM

for me emotional maturity means emotionally responding and acting your age. I do not do that, i am emotionally unmature

pbutton · Mar 28, 2012, 10:44 AM

From what I understand, I am supposed to be able to identify my emotions as they are happening. Right now, T asks me how I am feeling and I stare at his shoe.

Sannah · Mar 28, 2012, 10:49 AM

I agree that it is both and more. Childhood/young adulthood is for development so that you can be emotionally healthy and functional.

tooski · Mar 28, 2012, 11:18 AM

I think emotional maturity is mostly two things:

Being able to feel emotions when they happen, and
Acting on them appropriately.

I used to have a terrible time even feeling the emotions in the first place. Like pbutton said, I had a T who would ask me over and over again, "How do you feel right now?" And my answer was usually, "I don't know." Geez, I felt like such a failure.

Feeling an emotion comes from the heart, but acting on it comes from the head. Someone who gets angry because they're cut off in traffic and then shoots and kills the offender - not emotionally mature.

Perna · Mar 28, 2012, 11:24 AM

How one feels is never "wrong", it is just how one feels. It's like saying you have wrong thoughts; not something you can control, feelings. I think of emotional maturity as being able to link feelings to thoughts and actions so you get an outcome helpful to yourself and/or others around you and are comfortable with it (the outcome).

tooski · Mar 28, 2012, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perna

How one feels is never "wrong", it is just how one feels. It's like saying you have wrong thoughts; not something you can control, feelings. I think of emotional maturity as being able to link feelings to thoughts and actions so you get an outcome helpful to yourself and/or others around you and are comfortable with it (the outcome).

Yes, this is what I wanted to say! Emotions just ARE. It's such a waste of time to beat yourself up because you're feeling something and you feel that it's wrong. The question is WHY am I feeling this way? This is what therapy is helping me to figure out. Ain't easy.

CantExplain · Mar 28, 2012, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

it's when you know there is enough pie to go around, so you don't have to push to get your piece.

And if there isn't enough pie? What then?

pbutton · Mar 28, 2012, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

it's when you know there is enough pie to go around, so you don't have to push to get your piece.

stopdog and I don't want any pie.

Perna · Mar 28, 2012, 02:05 PM

mcl6136 · Mar 28, 2012, 03:21 PM

For me, it's about access!

As I get more emotionally mature, I have access to a wider variety of emotions and they flow more easily through me, and I can catch them as they arise, understand their sources...in past, or present or even anticipation of future....

Previously, i had no access to some of my emotions --they seemed walled off and outside of both my awareness and my ability to enjoy, manage, understand, and even observe them.

I was like the tin man! Also the cowardly lion! Also the scarecrow! And I was the last to know that I was like the tin man, cowardly lion and scarecrow. I had no access to the reasons that I was like them.....

Now, I have access to those emotions and reasons that I am emotionally immature and I can see how much work I have to do. I'm emotionally mature enough to know how emotionally immature I am!

Progress!

Mar 28, 2012, 04:00 PM

If I were emotionally mature, I wouldn't be afraid or reluctant to allow others to see me as I am inside--not just the carefully crafted person I present to the outside world. If I was emotionally mature, I would be able to identify and accept my emotions just as they present themselves. For example, if I'm frustrated or afraid, I won't retreat/withdraw (ie. quit therapy or isolate) or get angry (think about or actually hurt myself to relieve the intensity of my feelings). If I were emotionally mature, I would allow my therapist to see me . .. REALLY see me, instead of hiding or lashing out at her in anger or resentment. If I were truly emotionally mature, I would be able to hold both the "good" and "not so good" parts of myself in my hand, be curious about them and not attempt to hide away the "not so good parts" because I am ashamed of them. . . . or lash out at others to put the blame for those "not so attractive parts" of myself on them for not correcting or making it all okay.

If I was emotionally mature, I would accept myself and see myself as worthy of love and accepting. If I was emotionally mature, I would be WHOLE HEARTED. And to live whole heartedly, I'd need to find courage than I currently don't have a lot of; but I'm definitely working on that!

amandalouise · Mar 28, 2012, 04:16 PM

emotional maturity is how you react to things, events and your environment...

example

Steve (hypothetical name) is a 38 yr old college student. his IQ is above average, he studies anatomy and physiology. He graduated high school at the top of his class, but he has the emotional maturity of a child. he throws temper tantrums like a toddler stomping his feet yelling, crying, pleading, when he doesnt get his own way.

sittingatwatersedge · Mar 28, 2012, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pbutton

stopdog and I don't want any pie.

yes you do, you just don't want to admit it / don't realize what those rumbling sounds are in the area of your stomachs!!

what is emotional maturity? **** if I know.... so amazng that you ask that question right now, i was asking the same yesterday. here is a little article http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/emotional-maturity

unaluna · Mar 28, 2012, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

And if there isn't enough pie? What then?

Quote:

Originally Posted by pbutton

stopdog and I don't want any pie.

Honestly, this is exactly why I couldn't believe anyone would even ASK this motley p.c.crew this question!

elliemay · Mar 28, 2012, 04:51 PM

I love pie.

Whenever I get an invitation to go somewhere and people say "there will be pie"

I'm so there.

Towanda · Mar 28, 2012, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

it's when you know there is enough pie to go around, so you don't have to push to get your piece.

As usual Hankster, a slam dunk answer!

I can't think of anything remotely wise enough to top this so I'll just leave hugs for everyone