...Has your T ever expressed anger towards your parents...even if you were not? Just curious...

[stopdog]

Yes. It is odd when the therapist does it. My usual response is why is the therapist angry at them? I don't think I am.
I find it annoying.

Yes, I believe T was trying to convey that the situation was not normal or worse then I thought it was. Perhaps to help change my perspective or evoke the emotion in me.

Oh yes. Or toward whomever wronged us. His anger and disgust is genuine, but he's working to show me that anger is a normal and acceptable response to what happened.

[tkdgirl]

I don't think my T shows anger towards my parents so much as disapproval. She often times seems truly baffled by some of there actions. I on the other hand am never phased by what happens. I guess when you have been around it long enough it seems normal.

[unaluna]

at first I was scared of my T's anger, I felt very childlike and totally uncomfortable with it. it reminded me of my husbands, of my bosses, of lots of people, and there was like a blue buzz in the room - I definitely regressed or dissociated. But now it has become a pretty regular thing whenever we talk about my mother, and it IS totally appropriate to the situation, and I feel a lot better about it, like safe in his anger towards people who would hurt me. And that IS an appropriate form of anger a parent would show a child, that he would be angry at and protect her from "bad" people. So it's been a process, now that you mention it. I guess he really does work for his money, he's not just sitting on his skinny butt there.

[SpiritRunner]

yes, but more of a controlled indignation plus a genuine sorrow/regret for what happened, I'd say......when T1 did it, I was disconcerted at first, but then I had a sort of a relief, that yeah, that validates that the anger I felt toward them as a child/teen was not totally wrong and that I was right in that some things they did were wrong/damaging. so it was sort of validating.....and supportive.
T2 had a fierce indignation on my behalf regarding some of my H's behavior too.....I was startled to sort of see her as if she had boxing gloves on and was fighting on MY side!

[Perna]

My T and I once had a funny discussion of my stepmother; T did not like her eyes in photos but I, being a child and shorter than my stepmother at that time remember her teeth/jaw; she use to move her lower jaw in front of her upper when she was really angry and I knew not to "move a muscle" for fear of being hit.

[Towanda]

I once saw my T react strongly after I related a horrendous episode of SA on the part of my uncle when I was a little girl. It made me feel vindicated, and ultimately played a part in my healing, and in my ability to finally forgive him.

[rainboots87]

Not really. She's actually more understanding towards my mother than I am. Then again, I wasn't abused or anything. My mom is kinda nuts (suspect my issues are from her side of the family), unpredictable, and not at all supportive or trusting of me, but realistically not an awful mother. And I learned last year that my mom grew up in an emotionally volatile possibly abusive household, so all things considered she could be much worse. I do have many, many issues from my relationship with my mom though, so sometimes I wish my T would express something about it. I think my T works more under the thought that what I do have control over is my reaction to others, so she focuses on what I can do now.

T has expressed anger, though, towards the many self-deprecating thoughts I throw at myself though, even said (very seriously) I should tell those thoughts "F*** you! Go away!" when they come up and I start to spin in them. My T was also adamant about the date r*** experiences not being my fault. Not at my mom, though...

[granite1]

i'm not so sure she has showed anger towards the mother or not but i dont think so.she has said some not so nice things about the mother and others .things like they are selfish or something like that but i cant say she was anger about it at all.i dont know what it was and i really cant remember the words but i do know she has talked to me about them

[Asiablue]

hmmm not angry as such but i can tell if she doesn't like something my parents did, she'll maybe comment on it, it makes me feel both vindicated and threatened for some reason.

[Elli-Beth]

T hasn't ever sounded angry, but he has firmly referred to my dad as a monster and evil. He's good about saying things like that, that I think but I'm too scared to say for myself.

[pbutton]

I can't recall mine ever having expressed anger about anything. Of course anger is the one emotion that I seem to produce willingly.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by lonelybychoice

...Has your T ever expressed anger towards your parents...even if you were not? Just curious...

Yup, on more than one occassion.

It bothers me, but not because she's expressing anger at them. It bothers me that I DON'T feel that same anger, when I probably should. I actually appreciate my T's anger, it shows me what is appropriate and validates the things I'm starting to feel.

[WantingtoHeal]

My T doesn't seem to express any emotion at all about the people in my life, that I can tell. She just tries to see what my emotions are. I don't know what her emotions are about them...she's asked me if I feel that they did the best they could and sometimes that pisses me off.
I told her about my arm being out of socket for 2 days and she winced at that, but that's the extent of the emotion I've really seen from her about my life.

Oh yes. My T gets very angry at the people who have hurt me.

no, t has never been angry at the people who hurt me. (not so sure i like this, have some thinking to do)

he has said to me "your mother must have really hated you" ... (really t, i had no idea) and he has remarked that she was crazy. but no anger, at none of them

[critterlady]

The closest I've seen my T get to angry is when he's talking about the perpetrator of my CSA. And the perp's wife, to whom he refers as "the accomplice" or "the co-conspirator."

My T has expressed both anger and sorrow about things that happened to me. I was telling him about one thing [that I originally typed up, but then deleted when I realized how horrific it is and how much it might upset people.] He teared up, tried to speak and couldn't. He said there for a second, and then apologized and continued to talk to me about the incident. At the time, I was perplexed and, although I'm a little ashamed to admit it, I was thinking, "wow, what a pansy." Later, I thought it through and realized if someone else had told me about that happening to them, I would also think it was almost unbearably sad.

Here's the about that anger and pain though: if I had FELT either of those things growing up, I don't know that I would have survived. My mother and father both physically abused me badly. My father had to tackle my mother on a couple of occasions because he thought she was actually going to kill me. My father hit hard enough that I had a concussion at least once and had cracked ribs on other occasions. If I had expressed anger to them, they quite literally might have killed me. And as for the sorrow, well, if something seems unbearable, then it IS unbearable. If that makes any sense. The only way to survive it (for me at least) was just to keep saying that it's not so bad. I can live through this. I can live through anything for X years (I kept a countdown in my head until I could leave for college).

My T expressing sorrow or anger really does help bump me past the, "it's not so bad" barrier in my head.

sorry to write such a book. Not meaning to hijack, just trying to think through the weirdness of someone else expressing emotions about MY stuff.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

If I had expressed anger to them, they quite literally might have killed me. And as for the sorrow, well, if something seems unbearable, then it IS unbearable. If that makes any sense. The only way to survive it (for me at least) was just to keep saying that it's not so bad. I can live through this. I can live through anything for X years (I kept a countdown in my head until I could leave for college).

My T expressing sorrow or anger really does help bump me past the, "it's not so bad" barrier in my head.

MKC I am sorry you went through this. I understand the idea that showing them anger meant they might have killed you. I felt like that too, although I doubt mine was really a possibility like yours was.
But I do not get how the therapist expressing sorrow or anger helps bump you past it. I generally think the therapist is either play acting to get a response from me or is simply too weak to be a therapist if my minor situation creates such a huge over reaction in them. And then will mock me if I get sucked in to agreeing it might have been a somewhat unpleasant situation.

[Honeybun]

Yes, several times at my parents and others who abused me. It still scares me when it happens as I think he is angry at me.

[critterlady]

I just remembered the time when I first told my previous T about my CSA (he was the first person I ever told about it). My emotions were (and still are) pretty shut down about the abuse. At the time, I was not at all in touch with my anger. T had been looking more and more steamed the more I told him and finally he looked at me and said "I think I'm madder about this than you are!"

[lostmyway21]

Yes he has. During our very beginning sessions he expressed anger towards my mother and stepfather. I was taken back. But I felt understood.

[Snuffleupagus]

Originally Posted by stopdog

MKC I am sorry you went through this. I understand the idea that showing them anger meant they might have killed you. I felt like that too, although I doubt mine was really a possibility like yours was.
But I do not get how the therapist expressing sorrow or anger helps bump you past it. I generally think the therapist is either play acting to get a response from me or is simply too weak to be a therapist if my minor situation creates such a huge over reaction in them. And then will mock me if I get sucked in to agreeing it might have been a somewhat unpleasant situation.

Stopdog, I really don't think there are very many therapists incompetent enough to mock you for believing that being physically abused as a child was bad. And I don't think they're trying to "suck you in" to anything. It really is a rotten thing to happen to a kid, hence the laws against it. It's an appropriate object for anger. It doesn't matter whether it happened to someone else or to you; it is objectively rotten. Maybe your parents were the wily wild animals that you couldn't turn your back on.