Attachment as a part of therapy - do you know/care what your attachment style is

I am interested in attachment in therapy and what it means to different types and how it relates to how therapy works. (For what it is worth, I do not foresee this thread will touch on forbidden topics or crude descriptions of intimate acts)
I never would have thought about it except the therapist I see said something about it, then I read some books, then people here mentioned it, I took some tests, and I find it curious.
I am, not surprisingly, low anxious high dismissive according to testing (one done by a professional and a couple online) = I am consistent on this. Despite my dismissive style, I do continue to see the therapist, mostly on a regular basis, and I do not usually want bad things to befall her. She takes this as a sign of some sort of attachment - I am on the fence.
I keep trying to see how changing the style will change anything I want changed. I wonder about the therapist's attachment style and if that has any place in how a client attaches to the therapist. Are we attracted to therapists with certain styles? Do you know or are you curious about your style? Do you think attachment style has any bearing on your therapy?

I'm interested. Would you be able to post the links to the tests you are talking about?

stopdog, that's interesting that you can't see how changing your attachment style would map onto the changes you want to see... I think for me, I see my attachment style as causing the exact difficulties I need to tackle. But I'm sure there are many other ways of conceptualising difficulties which might be more helpful.

Anxious/preoccupied.

My T confirmed yesterday that knowing my attachment style was a good first step. The next step is to mine the past to see what made me that way. After that, we break the cycle.

She wants me to finish the boundary work first, though.

Improving, this is a link to the test I took:
http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Here are two of them. Or you can just type attachment style test into your search engine.

http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Update - i deleted the one that tried to make you sign up for stuff? Sorry i had not realized it did that.

I haven't taken the test myself, but the subject came up with T a couple of weeks ago. I am

anxious, avoidant, insecure

I'm not sure what attachment therapy is all about, but I like the plan Chopin mentioned. I know that's the tack that my T is taking. OK, so we know what I am, now let's figure out why so I can develop a healthier attachment style.

The fun just never ends

I'm avoidant/dismissive. A lot of therapists call it: Disorganized Attachment. I'll approach the relationship but I'm quickly overwhelmed by any sign of attachment both in real life or in therapy. (in therapy, that means that any sign of attachment makes me run like the wind . .. which means a lot of canceled appointments and no return for months on end). In my personal life, if a partner leaves or moves on, it means they are gone from my life and I don't feel anxious or worried. It's like they just move on.

I HATE the idea of anyone having any control over my actions or affections. I'm fiercely independent . . to the degree that it's detrimental to my health. I have trouble borrowing a freakin hammer from a neighbor because it might mean I'm "beholden" to that person. I have no problem loaning something to another person, but I have to do it all on my own and I'm not inclined to ask for a "favor" in return. I'm a workaholic and successful in my long time career but that means that I don't HAVE to rely on anyone for anything financially. I've done it for so long that it is hard to make changes that allow comfortable attachment and/or true intimacy.

anxious/avoidant

I've never taken a test but I can say, with certainty, that I grew up with a preoccupied/anxious attachment style. While T and I have never worked directly on attachment issues, simply being in therapy with T has helped me move towards a more secure attachment style. I still probably spend too much time thinking about therapy and the therapy relationship, but I'm not anxious or worried about my relationship with her (i.e. her abandoning me, her kicking me out of therapy, or losing the connection that I have with her). A year ago, I would have been. But, now, I would say that my relationship with her is the most "secure" relationship I've ever had to an adult "authority/maternal" figure. I trust that she'll keep her appointments with me, she'll do what she says she's going to do, and she is genuine when she says that she cares about me and when she pays me compliments. A year ago, It would have been hard for me to have that kind of trust.

I thought my style was dismissive, but it turns out according to a quiz it is fearful-avoidant, which makes more sense I suppose. Anyway my therapy is all about attachment so it is definitely always on my and my therapists mind.

Yep, saw that coming.

I imagine that this is part of what causes my difficulties and why I am in therapy.

It is hard though, because to some extent, this WORKS for me. I have high self esteem, high self-worth, confidence, I am not anxious about relationships, I do not over-depend or get too needy with people. It's not all bad.

If it's working for you, I don't see a reason to change it.

LOL

I did the HelloQuizzy one and got an error message. It says "You seem to have fallen through a tiny crack in my scoring system. Stand by. I'm working on it." Oh ohh!

Ill try another one later on when I get time.

I should add that it's part of the reason that I have panic attacks. I have no one to depend on & get overwhelmed when I don't what to do. (Because it doesn't even dawn on me to ask for help.)

So, it's not totally working, despite the fact that I wish it were so. I'm trying to change. It is very hard.

If it were easy, we wouldn't all need therapists!

I took the HelloQuizzy test and came out INSECT???!!!

Didn't know it was that kind of test!

Still meant preoccupied, tho.

You scored 78% on Avoidance, higher than 99% of your peers.

Yes. Deff style plays a role. Hey - I love style, it just depends if you like your T's style.
(I am easy impressed..lol)

The universe started with an 'E'.
The universe will end with a 'K'.
(lyrics Acid House)

Its the truth even if it did not happen.
(Ken Kesey) One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

I tested out at dismissive. So have you been able to define a problem for yourself besides "I feel yucky"? In bonniejean's thread, that I have too often and for too long said to people, "you don't have to do that (for me)" is probably the essence of my thang, my motto. So today I thanked T for being open to doing this process with me the way we are doing it; I have a math degree, but I cannot do emotions in the abstract - actual toys have to exchange hands! I have had enough of silent pretending on my own, living in my head, waiting for a day that never comes.

My test results for relationships in general is quite different than the score for my romantic relationships. I am fearful-avoidant in my romantic relationship. When I took a different test for relationships in general, I was avoidant, but secure once I finally entered into a friendship.

How it affects my therapy? I spent a lot of time trying to avoid being attached to or need him. Now, I'm admitting I need him. I am really attached to him. I am still fearful about it. I still don't like it.

My anxiety score on the online one was 2.1 and my avoidance was 5.7. I don't know why I am so attracted to (or attractive to) people who are clingier. Talk about doomed relationships, although I am still very close to two ex lover's, both of whom I have been with in some capacity for over 20 years. I sort of wonder what the therapist started out as ( assuming she has come somewhat to the middle)