[sconnie892]

I had a good/hard session yesterday and I am just trying to process. There was some really good work and some parts that when I thought about them hours later really triggered me.

I know some people have written about their t being very neutral and not showing emotion. My t is neutral and talks a lot about therapy being a non-judging place for me, but she does show emotion. Usually it is subtle and I can only catch it if we are making eye contact. But yesterday I said something that t apparently saw as real progress and she excitedly said "Now we're getting somewhere!"

Normally I don't mind seeing t react, but this time it bothered me. I had started to shut down earlier in session and t called me on it. I was not in a happy place. I found her excitement annoying. I felt like t was getting tired of dealing with me being stuck - like this "progress" was some sort of freeing experience for t and she thought I would share in that. It didn't feel freeing to me at all and I certainly didn't feel like sharing the excitement.

We are working on accessing and expressing emotions/being assertive so maybe some of this was deliberate on her part. T said some things after this that were very helpful so my annoyance was short lived. Then she asked if I would tell her if I was angry with her right then. I said "maybe" but that I wasn't angry right then, and I wasn't because of the stuff she had just said was very comforting and had calmed me down. But now that I am thinking about the session I keep going back to her reaction and how it annoyed me.

I know I should probably talk about this next session, but I am afraid if I call t on it, she might stop showing emotion completely and I don't want that. I don't want t to think I am sitting there analyzing her expressions for the whole session. Those subtle signs of emotion are very important to me.

Sorry this got longer than I anticipated...Just needed to "think out loud" about this one.

[sittingatwatersedge]

sconnie would it be OK to offer a comment on this?

to me this seems like a lot of good insight. And there is no way I could NOT take that post to T and walk through it with her, in closeup focus. Not reading it out while she is silent; drawing her into conversation about it.

Discussing the relationship and the happenings "in the room" are definitely good material for discussion. Even the part about "if I mentin this she will shut off again and become impassive". good work!

[unaluna]

I would talk to her about it. I think it says more about your toilet training or something (seriously!) like about how your mother looked over your shoulder too much or not enough - so you're not really criticizing T and she might not even change that much as a sult of the discussion - your reaction happening in real time in the session is what is most important and interesting - historically (or as they say, genetically, by which they mean not genes but when you were growing up? confusing!) and if you react like that in other situations like work or friends. good work!

[peaches100]

Hi Sconnie,

I think i understand how you're feeling. When your t said "Now we're getting somewhere!" it made you feel like she was unhappy with how you were doing previously. Is that it?

It reminds me of a time when i was a teen and i was working at a fast food restauarant. I did my very best to work hard and get things right. So anyway, one day at a staff meeting, they gave me the "Most Improved Employee" award. I guess I should have been happy. It was a compliment. But all i could think about was, "Boy, to give me this award, they must think i totally sucked before!" I felt so bad about myself, and about what i assumed they were thinking about me that i quit the job that day. I went home crying. I couldn't stand the thought that i must have been such a lousy worker that when i finally improved, it was worthy of that award.

Can you relate at all to this? What would you tell somebody in this situation? Would you join in and tell them that, yes, they must have really been awful at their job before, and the people they worked with had probably been sick of them not making more progress until now?

I wish i had been able to let myself feel good about the award and about the fact that i'd made good headway in my job, instead of tearing myself down and assuming other people couldn't stand me.

I hope after you've thought your situation through, you will be able to take in your t's compliment and feel that inner happiness and pride in knowing that you are making good progress in your therapy.

I may be off base since I obviously wasn't there to hear the whole context, but honestly her comment seems more like praise for whatever it was that you had managed to do. If my T says something like that, he actually does pretty regularly, he's telling me I'm doing a good job processing or I'm finally "seeing the light" so to speak. But our dynamic is just like that all the time, so that just seems standard for me.

Since it seemed to be an unusual comment from your T, bring this up to her so you can get some clarification and explore why it seemed to have triggered you.

[Sannah]

I remember not liking a few comments that 2 of my previous therapist said. I think that it is guaranteed that we will react in therapy. If you have issues and are in therapy, you are ripe for reacting.

I think it would be good to talk to your T about it because talking about things between 2 people in a relationship is what keeps people close. It would also be good for you to bring it up because this is a relationship skill that is great to practice.

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by peaches100

It reminds me of a time when i was a teen and i was working at a fast food restauarant. I did my very best to work hard and get things right. So anyway, one day at a staff meeting, they gave me the "Most Improved Employee" award. I guess I should have been happy. It was a compliment. But all i could think about was, "Boy, to give me this award, they must think i totally sucked before!" I felt so bad about myself, and about what i assumed they were thinking about me that i quit the job that day. I went home crying. I couldn't stand the thought that i must have been such a lousy worker that when i finally improved, it was worthy of that award.

Can you relate at all to this? What would you tell somebody in this situation? Would you join in and tell them that, yes, they must have really been awful at their job before, and the people they worked with had probably been sick of them not making more progress until now?

It reminds me of someone coming up to you after they haven't seen you for a while, and saying something like "Oh, you look better than EVER!"

[sconnie892]

Thanks for the support and comments everyone. I appreciate the insights. I think I will add this to my list for next session - especially since I am supposed to be practicing expressing anger/frustration/disagreement in t.

Originally Posted by peaches100

Hi Sconnie,

I think i understand how you're feeling. When your t said "Now we're getting somewhere!" it made you feel like she was unhappy with how you were doing previously. Is that it? .....
Can you relate at all to this? What would you tell somebody in this situation? Would you join in and tell them that, yes, they must have really been awful at their job before, and the people they worked with had probably been sick of them not making more progress until now?

I wish i had been able to let myself feel good about the award and about the fact that i'd made good headway in my job, instead of tearing myself down and assuming other people couldn't stand me.

I hope after you've thought your situation through, you will be able to take in your t's compliment and feel that inner happiness and pride in knowing that you are making good progress in your therapy.

Peaches- this was really helpful. That was exactly how I felt - like t thought I hadn't been making progress before this. I am certain t meant it as a compliment since she is very supportive, but I was tired and down that day so I didn't hear it that way and it just made me feel worse. I am guessing a conversation about distortion is going to come up next session too..

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Since it seemed to be an unusual comment from your T, bring this up to her so you can get some clarification and explore why it seemed to have triggered you.

The triggering part is what I am most interested in learning about. Thanks.