[KazzaX]

I haven't seen my last T in about 4-5 months. Never got a call about it and each time I rang up the community mental health team (which she is a part of), they just kept telling me "she's sick and will call you when she gets back". I assumed that they were just telling me that so that I would go away, since I am not the easiest client on the face of the planet.

So today I get a letter in the mail saying that she has taken unexpected extended leave and will call me upon her return. The first thing I thought was "she is burnt out" - she works with people like me, and she also works in the emergency part of the hospital - with suicidal/psychotic/whatever people that come to emergency. That would be one hell of a stressful job. Ofcourse it could be some sort of physical illness but I would say burnout is more likely.

Then I realised - if it IS burn-out - then she is experiencing exactly what happened to me (although she appears like she was mentally healthy to start with). The explanatory letters to the clients, the unexpected extension of leave from work over and over. The questions. The uncertainty of "will she be back?". The office there saying "she will be back in 2 weeks" and then 2 weeks go by and they find out she'll be off another two weeks - on and on and on. I am seeing her go through what I went through, but from the client's side this time. Only different thing is that i worked with dual-diagnosis clients - I'm not a psychologist. But everything that happens looks eerily familiar. Very eerily. I also saw many of my coworkers go through this process too, before myself. I have seen it many times. Burnout in action.

Now, I don't like this woman very much and the feeling is mutual but even the thought of her going through that makes me sick to my stomach. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It is horrible watching someone go through that. They come back (if they come back that is... most of the time they don't) a changed person. Totally different to before. Not in a positive way, from what I have seen in my time. I guess its different for everyone though - I'm sure a lot of people come back better than before, I just haven't seen it myself. It's like their life and the whole concept of themselves as a person completely implodes and shatters.

Why do I even care? Normally I do not. Her personal life is none of my business and normally I don't really give a damn about it, because its not appropriate for me to. But I got that letter today and shivers ran down my spine. I think to myself "maybe she said those horrible things to me in my last session there because she was in the midst of this burnout". If that was the case, then I would look at her from a totally different angle - compassion? Or I can identify with what she is possibly going through. And it is hell. Pure hell. If she eventually came back and I went to a session with her and she looked... different, I would probably just collapse in a heap in tears because i know what its like. There are no words to describe what it is like. Just tears. And I wouldn't know what to say to that. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, not even her.

This is probably very overdramatic and whatnot but what the hell. I thought I would post it anyways. Very spooky letter.

[growlycat]

She may have an ill family member (mother? spouse?) I don't think she is sick herself because I don't think this would happen so quickly--most T's try to prepare patients if possible.

So sorry to read this, it must be a shock. It's easy to assume burnout, but it may not be the reason. Maybe on some level you feel like you helped burn her out ---most likely not true of course!! Sorry, i'm playing amateur T i guess.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by KazzaX

Now, I don't like this woman very much and the feeling is mutual ...

Is it possible that you love her even if you don't like her?
I'm not being facetious. A lot of family relationships are like that.

[unaluna]

smells like team spirit. seeing my T as a flawed human really changed my therapy. they say that when you see your parents as people for the first time, that does something to ya too. so I don't know about overdramatic - yeah that word, NOT in MY vocabulary! - but can you use this insight to propel, paddle your little duck feet under ya to somewhere new?

[sittingatwatersedge]

Kazza I too was thinking maybe it's a family member's illness. There's another poster on PC whose T has been out of office, tied up with that, for months now. Things can get very drawn out and unpredictable.

Think back to the last time you did see T; the last few times. Did she seem to be changing? Did you sense that she was different? If she was burning out, it wouldn't happen overnight.

If you were attached, you may be tending to blame yourself; pls try not to do that. You don't really know what the situation is.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by hankster

seeing my T as a flawed human really changed my therapy. they say that when you see your parents as people for the first time, that does something to ya too.

I'm really trying to see my T as a flawed human. But whenever she makes a mistake, she admits it, apologises, learns from it and never makes that mistake again. That's as perfect as a human can be.

I've got nothing to work with here.

[KazzaX]

Yeah that is a good point guys, maybe a family member is sick. True. I didnt' think of that, lol. Still would suck though I bet.

I'm not sure if she changed or if it was just the nature of the therapy process. From the word go we did not like eachother but we had an unspoken arrangement "you tolerate me and I will tolerate you" sort of thing. Normally for me, the process of therapy is: everyone starts off happy happy joy joy, then after a few months they go a bit sour but continue on, then when it gets to about the 1 year mark they either cease contact or refer me on to someone else. But with this T in particular its like she whizzed through the process at lightning speed, lol! So I have only known her for 6 months so I don't really know if she "changed" or we were just doomed from the word go.

I do think that the comments that she said at the last session may have come from her personal situation - or stress etc.

[KazzaX]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Is it possible that you love her even if you don't like her?
I'm not being facetious. A lot of family relationships are like that.

I see where you are coming from with this, but definitely not in this case
I hate to see anyone in this situation (ie burnout, sick loved one etc).

[ECHOES]

Well... you have built that whole scenario around one small word - "if".

She may be on a personal or a family medical leave, and her work policy only requires her to update her status every 2 weeks, so that's why they tell you she'll be back in 2 weeks because as far as thy know at that time, she is planning to return.

[KazzaX]

That original post was a big dramatic spurt that I had. I am over it now.

I am back to not caring again. Good stuff! Back to normality