feeling defeated-reaching out

****possible trigger for mention of drugs, CSA and sui feelings******

this past week has really been nothing short of hell,leaving us feeling like we are about to fall right over the edge and not come back. aside from all the flashback/flooding that went on,the following morning we wake up to a text from our friend saying the SWAT team was at the hotel where we currently live. Cores husband had called earlier on his way to work and said there were close to 14 cop cars there but didnt know why. We dismissed it only because the hotel has a very high drug rate and there are always cops there for some reason. But the text really scared us and she said it was all over the news so we turned it on and sure enough it was. We poked our head out the door and were met with 5 cops screaming at us "get inside right now!". One of our primary CSA was an NYPD and so all law enforcement is a huge trigger not to mention all the screaming going on. Once that drama was finally over we about collapsed. Yesterday there was a huge brawl at the room 2 doors away,very very bad. We watched someone robbing someone else,saw a drug deal go down right in front of us with the f****er who stalks cores 8yo son. Youd best believe we are moving out this weekend but right now we are just so very overwhelmed and feeling defeated and having thoughts of ending it all. We would not ever do it but the thoughts are very intrusive right now. we are asking for any encouragement and hugs anyone can possible spare thanks so much♥

That sounds horrible and I am sorry you went through that. I hope you find a safer place to stay.

sorry we bothered everyone

You're not bothering us except to the extent that we feel so badly for you, and have no idea how to help. Wish there was something to DO to help you.

I am so sorry that happened and am sending you a big HUG!

thank you those who replied and we apologize for feeling sorry for ourselves♥

[quote=TrinityDancer;2309870Youd best believe we are moving out this weekend but right now we are just so very overwhelmed and feeling defeated and having thoughts of ending it all. We would not ever do it but the thoughts are very intrusive right now. we are asking for any encouragement and hugs anyone can possible spare thanks so much♥[/quote]

Trinity... the current situation sounds so bad ... sometimes our current situations are so overwhelming that it is hard to "move" to make a plan ... but it sounds like you are "holding it together" enough to make a plan to move out...that is something to be very encouraged about...

I know when I get triggered...its so hard to separate the "here and now" situations from the past... so I'm sending lots of hugs and postitive thoughts your way...

sorry we just really are feeling needy and alone today

Is there some way you deal with the loneliness in the past? Sometimes listening to music and coloring in a coloring book puts me in a better place... is it nice weather? could you go for a walk?

Don't be sorry. You're not alone. Many of us have had those days. Is there something we can do to actually help?

TrinityDancer, I'm thinking about you and sending you nice thought... I know it doesn't help that much with the neediness and loneliness feeling but still wanted to tell you. I'm sorry about what happened..

Feel free to post as many time as you want.. it coulp help you go through the day.

Take care
Faith

just reading the replies and knowing we arent alone is helping a lot-thank you♥♥♥

trinity, I get tears in my heart thinking of what you have endured and what you are enduring now. actually, I think it's awesome how you have survived and continue to survive .... you have a lot of courage and strength, I think.
I wish too that there was something really practical I could reach out and do for you! I'm glad you have a plan for getting away from that place; that is good and something to feel good about, even under the circumstances. you're not just sitting there being overwhelmed, you're reaching out, you're looking for ways to help yourself, change what you can in your situation.
keep posting. we're not bothered; we do have care and concern for you!

Hey TrinityDancer... just checking back to see how you are doing? Hope you continue to realize you are not alone and that we care about you all. Let us know how you are doing.

thanks everyone. weve been in a panicky mode all day wanting to jump out of our skins at every little sound outside our door. being here alone wasnt helping much but we keep checking here and see the caring replies and it makes things a little better.♥

Yes, keep posting to let us know how you're doing. Thinking of you.

Thinking of you.

the search for a new place to live isnt going well. we just want to cry

Trinity...don't give up .... persistance usually pays off... maybe you won't find a place by this weekend but maybe by next weekend.... I won't be able to be on PC today because I will be at work but I wanted to let you know you would be in my thoughts today and I'm sending lots of hugs and postitive thoughts your way.

thinking of you today, trinity. I hope your search for a new place to live goes better today. many hugs to you!