[granite1]

what i wrote in my T journal today

today I'm angry

i am angry because i think you are angry and i cant tell the difference and you wont tell me.

I'm angry because i live every day thinking someone is angry or hates me and have no way of thinking differently.i cant see the choices you always talk about.

I'm angry because i have no interest in seeing those choices they seem so absurd to me and totally beyond my capacity

[Perna]

Good, identifying the angry! Interesting article about relationship of anger and anxiety:

http://gregoryhinklephd.wordpress.co...cs-of-emotion/

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by granite1

I'm angry because i live every day thinking someone is angry or hates me and have no way of thinking differently.i cant see the choices you always talk about.

I'm angry because i have no interest in seeing those choices they seem so absurd to me and totally beyond my capacity

Yeah this is what I am not understanding about what your T is doing now. Seems to me she is acting like a crankypants. I don't need anymore crankypants in my life, I had enough from the mother for a million lifetimes. So if T gets cranky, he "loses" me; I disappear.

I used to tell him people didn't like me, people didn't like me, people didn't like me. After I stopped seeing the FOO, I eventually stopped saying that. honestly, I don't think you can make a CHOICE. I think you have to work with T until a change HAPPENS, until you FEEL the like and love coming from people. Then you realize that the angry haters were stupid and wrong and oh well too bad for them.

[pbutton]

It is totally acceptable for you to be angry granite.

[karebear1]

I LOVE this granite:

"i am angry because i think you are angry and i cant tell the difference and you wont tell me."

She should be able to identify that to you, even the very smallest change in tone affects how you hear things. Can you help her to understand that there were reprecussions for you as a child unless you did everything perfectly as a child? So the very fact that she speaks faster adn more insistantly and at a higher ppitch or whatever, signals to you that somewhere, you must have done something wrong to illicit the response she came at you with. Now, she may ask you why? Why would you think you did something wrong if you can't think of it at the time. Well.... you received slaps and beatings w hen you were a kid, and you ahd no idea what you did to deserve them. To me- that explains alot and your T should certainly be abel to understand that.

I'm proud of you granite. I so proud that you actively trying to reconciliate what happened in T to your undestanding. You are working so hard.

[CantExplain]

((Angry Granite))

[velcro003]

yes! granite!! this is SO AWESOME. keep it going if you tell T the one line that karebear quoted, i think you will open up a dialogue with your T that will be healing. I hope, anyway.

[Sannah]

Good insight!

[WikidPissah]

I agree...that one line karebear quoted is powerful...can you write that on an index card and hand it to t?

Great post Granite!

[SpiritRunner]

you're gaining lots of insight granite, and I think you are not only getting insight, but learning how to apply it to help yourself, too. you're doing tons better than you probably think! I hope you feel better today.

[KazzaX]

Its tough when you cant read whether they are angry at you or not and they wont say anything! Sometimes you just want to shake them and say "What is the deal????"