[skycastle]

My therapist mentioned today how I'm "used to keeping secrets."

Why do people keep secrets? What are the consequences of keeping secrets in childhood, adolescence, and/or adulthood? What are the consequences of keeping a lot of secrets about oneself for a long period of time?

[ColourBars]

Originally Posted by skycastle

My therapist mentioned today how I'm "used to keeping secrets."

Why do people keep secrets? What are the consequences of keeping secrets in childhood, adolescence, and/or adulthood? What are the consequences of keeping a lot of secrets about oneself for a long period of time?

People keep secrets? Hmm... I'm not sure what you mean by secrets (for myself in general). When people usually mention the word 'secret' I think of society's general answer of "hush-hush-no one can never know, deep and dark, intimate, powerful and destroying" piece of knowledge, information or truth. The consequences? Being known is bad and causes drama.

When I think of secrets, I think of it as something (maybe an incident, or something from the past, or information) I don't want other people to know or be aware of. Does it mean it's bad? No. I just don't want people to know, that's it. The consequences? People don't know. And if they do, it's up to them on how they react it to it. You may like how they react, you may not. It varies. Keeping a secret to yourself for a long time. I dunno. For me, maybe I don't want to deal or dish it out just yet. When I do, I think about it carefully: How will it affect the environment and relationships around me?

That's pretty much it on my end and how I see it.

For me, that question is a bit backward - the question that tends to be on my mind is What are the consequences of NOT keeping secrets? I can see nothing negative about keeping secrets about oneself - for me that is a matter of integrity. I possibly take it too far, but that's a different matter.

[ECHOES]

Good questions!

Keeping something a secret, or keeping part of yourself a secret, is a protection of some kind, I think. It answers the question "If this is know, then..." or "If others (or me!) know this about me, then...."

[LadyShadow]

Yes I agree good question! Secrets, hmmm. What a notion. I have dark secrets that I kind of let my T in on but are not the whole truth. My whole life seems like a path of half truths. I tell people part of me not all of me. Like I am living a whole double life.

But there is a twist. When I am here, for instance, there are no secrets. I have posts on here that I never told anyone not even my T about. Keeping secrets can sometimes be unhealthy especially if it is eating you up inside, that's the only consequence I can think of.

[BonnieJean]

I kept many secrets throughout childhood and adolesence to try to keep my world in control and not be a burden on anyone. In order to hold all that in, I had to do a lot of denying to myself about feelings; lots of repression. I adapted by growing thought and behavior patterns that weren't necessarily the healthiest but I did my best. The result was stuffing my feelings from that time period for decades. I came to a place where relationship and emotional issues brought me to therapy where I ended up needing to re-visit and re-feel all the stuff I kept secret. It is a painful process.

[sconnie892]

Originally Posted by BonnieJean

I kept many secrets throughout childhood and adolesence to try to keep my world in control and not be a burden on anyone. In order to hold all that in, I had to do a lot of denying to myself about feelings; lots of repression. I adapted by growing thought and behavior patterns that weren't necessarily the healthiest but I did my best. The result was stuffing my feelings from that time period for decades. I came to a place where relationship and emotional issues brought me to therapy where I ended up needing to re-visit and re-feel all the stuff I kept secret. It is a painful process.

BonnieJean - That is my experience as well. I learned to keep many secrets, especially in adolescence. Revisiting them is very difficult.

[Perna]

I think we are all similar and pretty much know one another's secrets. Not in their specifics but we are all supposed to be growing and becoming more ourselves over time and that path can only go a certain way (plants grow toward the light, whether they're kept in closets or in a sunny garden). I think keeping secrets can stunt one's growth, it's a blockage of a sort that only hurts the person keeping it and can't help any other person.

*********possible trigger for violence**********



i kept secrets as a child because it seemed at the time; it was a matter of my mother deciding whether i was going to be allowed to breathe or not if i told.

"you tell anyone this happened and i will flat cool kill you"

yeah, i kept secrets.

[WikidPissah]

I have a LOT of secrets. The old stuff is just because I haven't felt open to tell anyone much. New secrets are for power I think. I like the idea of people not knowing stuff.

My secret keeping was not about protecting myself. It was about protecting my family because that was the nature of the threats and control that was used against me. It is the one area that I have stayed steadfastly secretive about. I am definitely still in that protective mode.

[stopdog]

I don't think I have secrets as such. Most things I do not talk about are because they don't matter, are not interesting or seem like others get more upset than I am. But if someone knows something, it is usually not a big deal. I do not like being vulnerable but that is not the same as secrets.

[KazzaX]

Keeping secrets is a natural, normal thing to do. Everyone on the face of this planet keeps secrets, for a variety of reasons. Nothing wrong with it. Some things are just not meant to be in the public's view, so to speak.