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#1
Dec 30, 2009, 08:07 PM
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So, I saw T tonight, on my birthday
 This was actually a really happy birthday for me, because I like the age I'm turning. My birthday is always kind of a dud, because it falls between Christmas and New Years, and it's definitely the day of the year that has ALWAYS, since I was a child, made me feel like a big nobody. This year, I really don't feel sad like I usually do. I just feel...fine. Nothing outside of me has changed really, so I think it's just internal. Maybe all of these years I was a big nobody to MYSELF and that's what hurt so much. Huh. Anyhow, I made it back in town in time to see T. It was SUCH a weird session. I guess we're still "taking a break" so it was honestly mostly like hanging out and chatting. He self-disclosed a LOT...nothing ridiculously personal, but things like his hometown (where he went after Christmas), what his family did over the holiday, things like the ages of his nieces/nephews...it's hard to explain, actually. Not normal therapy stuff at all...but nothing boundary-crossing either. I was kind of sitting there like "wow, I can't believe T is telling me all of this stuff". Usually when I ask him questions, he redirects it back to me, but he was VERY "blah blah blah, me me me" today. I guess going to therapy when we're trying to avoid really hard topics just leaves us with chatting. I remember it being like that when I went to therapy with a concussion, now that I think about it. I posted about it here, because it made me uncomfortable...but then things went back to normal. I really need to go see T to maintain the connection, so I guess this is what happens. (lol, I'm figuring out a lot while I'm typing) At the end of the session HIS PHONE RANG  That was weird. He went over and turned it off. I said "what if it's an emergency?" and he said "that's interesting that your mind went to 'emergency' and all I thought was 'phone call'". And I told him that I am always afraid I am keeping away from something more important. And he just sat there and looked at me for the longest time. And I said that maybe that's why I always say I want to be his favorite client...because I want to be important in some way. I knew it was a serious therapy moment, but I had to lighten it up..it felt so intense and deep for a minute. So I asked if his favorite client was calling on phone  and he laughed and I said I KNEW it wasn't because how could I call when I was sitting on his couch?! lol When I left, T gave me a big hug and wished me a happy birthday. And when he left me a message, he said that I matter...to everyone I know, and to him. And he said he was grateful for me, and that that is how we can stay connected...knowing that we are grateful for each other  SO, overall, it was a weird session, but I'm glad I went. I guess we'll be back to the regularly-scheduled trauma stuff on Monday
Last edited by Anonymous29412; Dec 30, 2009 at 10:41 PM. |
 Anonymous1532, zooropa
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#2
Dec 30, 2009, 08:59 PM
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Wow !!! Happy bday!!!!
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#3
Dec 30, 2009, 09:51 PM
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Oh, Tree - what a beautiful birthday present from T! Happy Birthday to you - I'm so glad that you're home and that you got to see T. You do matter, I'm so glad your T reiterated that to you in his message.
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#4
Dec 30, 2009, 10:17 PM
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tree, i'm so glad you were able to make it to therapy. a big happy birthday to you!! without a doubt you are one of my favorite PC folks. i think i'm not alone in thinking that either.
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#5
Dec 30, 2009, 10:23 PM
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Im relieved Tree that you got to see T. I like that he went on and on blah blah blah. Its nice to know that kind of stuff about T and I get this feeling that it strengthens the relationship. You're like family
But I agree, what you said about feeling like you are keeping him from something/someone more important to him than you is a serious therapoy moment. And so deep. But it looks like it was the right thing to do to keep it light today.  And you DO matter VERY much to everyone you know. And everyone who knows you in the computer world Happy, Happy Birthday 
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#6
Dec 30, 2009, 10:29 PM
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Wow Treehouse your T does really know how maintain the connection. That is cool that he said you matter.
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"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#7
Dec 30, 2009, 10:36 PM
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Happy Birthday Tree! T and I do lots of that kind of chatting around holiday sessions as well. I told him about what I was cooking for Christmas and he told me what restaurant he was going to, etc.! It's nice, feels real. I'm glad you made it. Whew!
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#8
Dec 30, 2009, 10:57 PM
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(((Tree)))
I'm really glad that you were able to see T today. Happy birthday!
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#9
Dec 31, 2009, 11:20 AM
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WOW, what a great session! I love your sense of humor....and I love all the wonderful things your T said to you to reassure you of your importance....I'm envious but so happy for you....
__________________
Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail... 
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