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Young Butterfly
Member Since Jan 2012
Posts: 7,574
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#1
Well, I have not been as involved latley b/c I am just in a really bad place once again. Anxiety really ramped up and this week has been hell. Anyways, I saw T today. Admitted to him that I have been having a lot more suicidal thoughts, and he asked if I had a plan. I was honest and said yes. So, he said.. Well, you know what we do next. Contract that I wouldn't hurt myself between now and my next appointment which is this coming Wednesday, as well as if I was immediate danger to go to 911 or if my thoughts were getting worse to call T. I of course agreed because I know the only other choice is to go to the hospital. Is it just me or do these type of contracts just seem so silly?
I mean all my T has is my nod of the head to agree to the terms. Is that really supposed to really stop me from actually following through with my plans? I mean, don't get me wrong.. I am not feeling like I am going to do anything like right now. I am just thinking about the contracts that my T and I have and have heard other people have agreed to the same kind of contract as well.. I was just wondering everyone thoughts on the matter? __________________ "You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second." "You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. |
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Anonymous32517, Anonymous37917, Chopin99, InTherapy, lostmyway21, WePow
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 2,885
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#2
I'm wondering also how contracts might help. I'll be curious what answers you receive. It seems to me, and I most certainly am wrong, but it seems to me that when that black place envelopes you that thoughts about contracts may go out the window. But maybe not. I really don't know.
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 35,034
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#3
The first therapist I saw about 25 years ago tried to do the contract thing over si with me. It was ridiculous and I did not agree to contract for anything nor did I tell her anything else about si. She really should have known not to use the word contract to a person who had just become a lawyer.
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skysblue
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Member
Member Since Feb 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 152
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#4
contract did help me, I think, a bit in the past, but was also hospitalized a few times. So I am not sure if it was the contract itself, the work done in therapy, my relationship with therapist or a mix of the 3...
Good question and hope you feel better soon |
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skysblue
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Magnate
Member Since Dec 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 2,208
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#5
My promise to call my T BEFORE I do anything keeps me safe. 1. T is always available when I'm in crisis. 2. I'll never be left alone with my sui thoughts long enough to act on them. 3. He's never broken any of his promises to me, so I could never break my promise to him.
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skysblue
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Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Middle of nowhere
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#6
My T insisted on me signing a contract that I'll stay alive. So I did. I actually signed it on paper, name and signature and all that. At first I was furious because she basically made me do it, then I thought it's silly (what can she do if I breach it, really), then I thought maybe it's some stupid legal stuff she has to have, then I labeled it BS and decided I don't have to comply because she basically forced me to sign it and forced contracts are not really valid from a legal perspective (yeah, I was that obsessed about proving it wrong and not fair). But then when very hard time came it actually helped me, because a contract (whatever form of it) is in essence a promise. And I keep my promises. At least I do my best to try to keep it. The fact that I promised T I'll stay alive kind of motivated me to do all the right things to fight all the crap in my head. So I guess I'm an example that the contract stuff sometimes actually works. Who knew...
__________________ I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead I lift my lids and all is born again I think I made you up inside my head |
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skysblue
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Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2011
Posts: 1,468
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#7
Contract helped me too- but it was verbal, not signed. It helped me because when I thought about hurting myself, the thought of T and my promise would enter my mind and my connection with T entered my mind- and that connection was enough to make me want to try again. It gvae me hope. T gave me hope.
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SoupDragon
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Member Since May 2012
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#8
I agree with the above. When I really make a promise, it is almost as good as gold. I hate failing, I hate letting people down, and I hate breaking promises.
My T asked me to promise I would text her before I attempted Sui. At first I just said fine...whatever you want. She stopped me and said it was serious and that it needed to be thought about. Took me a few weeks but I agreed. |
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
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#9
I don't have one and currently would not sign a contract. I wouldn't even remember there was a contract in that state I'm all action no brain at those times.
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Free to live
Member Since Jul 2011
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#10
I've never had a T who was into making contracts
I imagine though that for some people it makes you feel more secure; that there is somewhere to turn when your head is being overrun with sui thoughts; that it gives you something to hold on to in those moments where it feels like there is nothing to hold Maybe it also reaffirms that the T cares which could be helpful especially when it's more a case of the thoughts are there but you don't really want to act on them; just don't know what alternatives there are and can't see them For those where it's beyond that; i don't know that any contract would really be that helpful because there is no reason not to break it if you are beyond the point of caring at all Is there anything your T could do that would help healed; if the contract idea isn't working for you? |
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Elder
Member Since Dec 2009
Location: Southeastern US
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#11
The only T I had a "contract" with was my 2nd T. Basically I said that I would "do the work" and she said she would help me. We shook hands on that. Some contract...but we both did what we said we'd do!
__________________ Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. - Henry David Thoreau |
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Young Butterfly
Member Since Jan 2012
Posts: 7,574
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#12
Quote:
__________________ "You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second." "You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. |
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WePow
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Euphie Queen
Member Since Jul 2010
Location: New England
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#13
My T once said he usually contracts with sui people but he wouldn't insult my intelligence by trying to do that. "Just call me if it gets bad, ok?" That's what he said. In essence it's like a contract, it give me the green light to call. I don't have to think "should I call" "will I bother him" "maybe email instead"...etc. It's leaves me in a "I am supposed to call" frame of mind which makes it easier to reach out.
__________________ never mind... |
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3velniai
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#14
I've never had a T who like contracts either. My current T finds them a bit contrived I think. He's more about learning my symptoms and patterns, having a concrete plan of action to get me the proper help and the proper time, etc. That has worked quite well for keeping me safe; after all, I'm still here.
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WePow
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Grand Member
Member Since Jun 2008
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Posts: 804
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#15
I don't have a contract with my T but we have an understanding, and I have used it, that I can call in a crisis. I do, however, have a written "contract" posted inside a cabinet in my kitchen for my family. It's a "what to do" if my behavior starts to change or escalate into mania/depression or SI/SU. This way I can't back out because I wrote it and told them what to do if XYZ happens.
__________________ Linda |
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2006
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
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#16
I signed a contract when I was in my bad place. But I broke it in self harm. T didn't do anything about it. I think the contract was to protect him from whatever I might do. But another part of me knows he really wanted me to stay safe.
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2012
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#17
I had my first visit (ever) to a therapist today and he said we will be coming up with a safety plan. Is this the same thing as a contract?
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#18
I also have an understanding with my T. We have known each other many years and he can usually read me like a book. I know he would never lie to me and he knows I wouldn't knowingly lie to him. T is available 24/7 so I have no excuse not to call him if I feel sui. I told him, I'd do the best I could.
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