[bluemountains]

I don't know why, maybe because I still don't completely accept it, but every time I see where my pdoc or therapist (psychologist) write down Bipolar II for my diagnosis, I get very sad.

For years, I had only a depression diagnosis, and I could accept that, but the bipolar label is hard for me. The only thing I can figure is that I probably inherited this from my father/abuser, and I have tried for so many years to distance myself from him. Also, I know that this isn't going away like some diseases. I don't like this label!

Bluemountains

[mortimer]

I was furious about my borderline pd for 9 years.

It still pisses me off a little. But I guess I'm not in denial about it anymore.

Depression never bothered me though, I don't know why that didn't bother me.

[healed84]

I have never seen it written down or have heard an official dx from T.. However, he has used the words sever panic disorder more than once, and that made me cringe. I don't want to think of my self being the worst of any kind of disorder.

[Chopin99]

I've only seen "OCD" written on my PCP's diagnostic sheet, along with "sinusitis" and "asthma" each time I see him. Doesn't really bother me.

I've never seen a diagnosis written down from either of the 2 Pdocs I've seen or the 3 T's.

[mcl6136]

I have never had a diagnosis. Which is odd because I have had three different therapists. They make a very big deal of my "adjustment disorder," and how it's a diagnosis lite or something.

This has not served me well!

Maybe having a "real" diagnosis is stigmatizing, but how can I honestly be helped or help myself if I don't know what it is...I struggle with.

for years, I have ruled out certain things or tried to dx myself...or get Ts to "come clean" about what the deal is. They know about the violence in my FOO, my xtreme sensitivity to stimuli (light, sound, tone...etc) but nothing is forthcoming.

I know that labels are hard, but being not-otherwise-specified has its downsides as well.

I suppose I could INSIST on being tested?

[newtus]

i do. so much so. if we have to talk about my symptoms i ask her not to say any medical words. as it literally does trigger me into a panic. my diagnosis of schizoaffective means to me that no matter what, no one will ever believe me again. theyll think im ALWAYS delusional.

[sconnie892]

When I started with t, she gave me a written treatment plan with my diagnosis on it. I found it the other week and started crying when I read the diagnosis part. I have no idea why, but it bothers me to read it. I can say it, but reading it is difficult. Maybe because I know I had to sign a copy of the treatment plan so it's sitting in the files with my signature agreeing to the plan.

My diagnosis code is on every receipt for T and for pdoc. I went through diagnostic testing and was given a copy of the summary report which not only had my primary diagnosis but also the others. I've seen paperwork for the hospital and lab orders with my diagnosis. At this point doesn't bother me much anymore, but it took time to get to this point. I'm not sure it was the written words that were the issue or just the diagnosis in general that took time to come to terms with.

[rainboots87]

I'm okay when they refer to my depression/dysthymia and even welcome the anxiety disorder-nos because it finally gives a name to something I thought was just me being crazy. What I hate though is that my receipt from the psychiatrist with the diagnosis codes includes the code for EDNOS. I am RECOVERED from EDNOS and do NOT have an eating disorder anymore. I want that recognized. And sometimes my dietitian (who I see every so often bc I'm an athlete and bc depression used to affect my appetite) used to say something about my "anorexia" and that bugged me, because I never could meet the criteria for that diagnosis. I mentioned it to her once, and she was understanding and also differentiated between anorexia nervosa (ED) and anorexia (loss of appetite). And I've never seen this one written down by my team, but the r*** word makes me very uncomfortable. I should probably address it at some point, because I think I'm making it even more taboo for me by refusing to acknowledge it as such.

[mrmanatee]

I don't think I've ever gotten a real diagnosis beyond "depression". I mean, I know I'm unhappy but that doesn't begin to describe my condition.

[pbutton]

I have never seen my diagnosis in writing. I had to ask for him to tell me & he didn't say much.

[CastlesInTheAir]

Lol first time I saw mine I was relieved because I was so delusional I thought I was being sentenced to death upon leaving the hospital so when i was handed a paper saying "major depression with psychosis" when i was leaving I felt free.....lol I was thinking wait a minute I'm going home not to a cemetary....lol

[mommyof2girls]

I wouldn't say that seeing my DX makes me mad or anything, for me its a relief to know that what has been going on with me and in my head is legit......But I have learned that these DX's do not define me, they are a part of me but not the defining factor.....

[KazzaX]

The diagnosis doesn't really bother me because I know its true. Its more the "other bits" that they add into reports that really irks me. If i didn't agree with the diagnosis though, that would be a whole other kettle of fish!

[critterlady]

I've never asked for a diagnosis. I don't think I really want to know.

Although, since my T submits claims to my insurance, I probably should know at least what he tells them. My guess would be depression.

[Psychochick]

Hope it's okay that I bumped this thread.

I loathe seeing, hearing about, discussing, or even thinking about my dx's--which incidentally seem to change every few years. I have very little confidence in either pdocs or tdocs, I probably know more about this field than they do!!

My current dx's are dysthymia and Borderline PD. Both of those make me cringe, and my self-esteem which is lousy at the best of times sinks even lower. Dysthymia barely qualifies as depression (it's like a code word for "whiner") and even most pdocs can't stand borderlines (code word for "loathsome b***h).

I hate going to therapy, I feel like everyone is staring at me with contempt because they have "real" problems and I don't--I'm just an off-putting loser.

I despise labels.