[dismantle.repair]

I just got back from therapy.... what may be the most frustratingly useless session I've ever had.
No, I don't want to talk to you about my study habits- I got this far, didn't I?
But the moment you start questioning my academic ability- I became insecure about that too. I didn't show it, but I did. I was probably ready to blow a gasket.
Yes, ok... Maybe it was worth 10 minutes of our time.
NOT 50... at which point I couldn't get out of your office quickly enough.

Which brings me to my point...
I have so much to talk to my T about... but how do I bring it up?
When she grabs an idea, she takes hold of it, and even if I subtly try to change the topic, she brings it back... I never thought I'd meet someone who could resist my changing topics. -_-

[lostmyway21]

Wait she picks the topic? My T would NEVER go for that.

[pbutton]

My T always responds well when I say "I need to talk about blah blah because it is bothering me." I imagine he's trying to teach me it is ok to directly ask. I have a hard time saying this though.

[stopdog]

I would suggest not being subtle. I have said "I am not going to talk about X - I am going to talk about Y" and then done so. When they try to get back to X - just say the same thing again.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Perhaps instead of subtly trying to change the topic, you can directly tell T "I need to talk about this today."

You could even email a list beforehand of the topics you want to talk about. Or, if your t doesn't allow email, write out a list, bring it with you, and tell t that you have a list of things to talk about and give that list to them.

[skysblue]

I'm surprised a therapist controls so much of a session. My T always always lets me lead. She knows that whatever is on my mind at the moment is probably the most useful issue to address. Sometimes we don't return to a 'hot' topic for weeks. I think she believes (and I'm beginning to believe) that when the time is right the topic will return.

Yes, don't be subtle. Tell your T that her method is not working for you. My T always tells me I'm in charge.

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by skysblue

I'm surprised a therapist controls so much of a session. My T always always lets me lead. She knows that whatever is on my mind at the moment is probably the most useful issue to address. Sometimes we don't return to a 'hot' topic for weeks. I think she believes (and I'm beginning to believe) that when the time is right the topic will return.

Yes, don't be subtle. Tell your T that her method is not working for you. My T always tells me I'm in charge.

That's how my T works as well. So far, I've found that he's right - the hot topics tend to come up again and again until they're resolved and sometimes after that, too.

If there's something i specifically want to address, I bring it up with him. If there's something I don't want to talk about, I tell him that. He's always fine with that, although he often tells me that we'll come back to something later (or as he actually says "I'd like to explore that further.").

[likelife]

I wish my T would offer more direction, but I get how frustrating it would be to feel like T is taking over the session.

Maybe bring a red card along and hold it up the next time she decides to go off on some useless session-long tangent. Foul, T!

[WikidPissah]

I have a hard time talking so T always leads. It can be frustrating when he goes off on a tangent...he did that this week too. Arg. I hate wasted sessions.

[dolphingirl]

Wow, that's different, mine usually waits to see if there is something that I want to talk about. After we sit down, I'm asked how I'm doing, if not OK, we'll talk about that. Then she asks what I want to talk about. If I don't respond with a topic or situation, she attempts to find one by asking about different parts of life, issues, or things from last session.

My idea would be that when you first get there and start, tell them that you would like to talk about X so they know what to focus on. If it starts to wander away, just to say, "I still had a question/was confused about what you said about X or had a question about it".

[dismantle.repair]

Basically what happens is what dolphingirl says.
I'm not one to lead a discussion.. If left up to me, I'd sit in silence for an hour (seriously, I have no problem with that).
However, I hate it when she asks what I want to talk about. I think she knows that because I wince when she does.
The issue is that yeah, ok... fine... I'm talking about this, but when I try to lead the conversation into another topic, she brings it back.
It's not that she controls it, but she gets all caught up on the first thing I say...
Good thing sometimes, not so great sometimes.
And I'm not one to just dive into something either -_-

The idea of the red card seems funny though!
She's a big supporter of soccer- so I'll walk with a whistle, a red and yellow card and say, "Foul!"
This I know because during a tournament, my favourite team was playing hers; she wore her team jersey, so did I.
We spent a few minutes laughing about it...

[CantExplain]

It's taken me many years of therapy to accept that what I need to talk about and what seems urgent to me may be very different things.

I used to go in with a written script. Now I just have a couple of things in mind.

[Silent_tsol]

Originally Posted by likelife

I wish my T would offer more direction, but I get how frustrating it would be to feel like T is taking over the session.

Maybe bring a red card along and hold it up the next time she decides to go off on some useless session-long tangent. Foul, T!

YESSSSS!!! That is so down my alley of ideas.
lol

[BonnieJean]

I say "I don't want to talk about that today" if things get off target. It always works.

[ECHOES]

I can understand how this happens. We make a comment and T goes from there and next thing we are talking about something that I don't want to spend that much time on, but maybe there is more there to explore than what I think, idk.

It was really hard, but became easier with practice, to just be direct and say "I don't want to talk about that anymore. I want to change the subject." Of course she likes that I can now do that, because it means I have found 'more' of my own voice.

I have been really disappointed when we spend too much time or even a whole session on something that I end up saying that I didn't want to talk about. Thing is, I was the one who brought it up in the first place. I think sometimes it isn't even about having talked about something for a whole session that I didn't want to spend that much time on. Usually that topic is work relationships.
I think it's about more, about wanting the session to be more intimate, more about the therapy relationship. Somehow, I end up feeling 'left out', and I have a "Wait, what about MEEE??!" response.

Anyway, it is frustrating, and really doesn't feel good at all to leave a session feeling disappointed.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Dismantlerepair - last week T was telling me something and it took a long time for her to say it all...
several times I opened my mouth to ask something, or say something, and every time she refused to make space for me but just kept going, so I shut up again

She has never done this before. Does yr T do this too? If so, have you ever brought it up? and how did you say it?

[Sannah]

Empowering yourself to take more control over your sessions seems like the cure here. It is in your hands and you can do it.

[purplelephant]

I agree with the others about not being subtle, but I know that's hard.
I understand your feelings about the academics. I've been having a lot of trouble focusing and stuff and so T wanted to talk about that, which was fine. But then when she called my ability into question..... It's just a huge part of who I am and I'm first in my class and I study all the time and I'm like "You can't question that it defines me!!!" (in my head only)

Also I feel like she just overanalyzes things. I mention something in passing and she grabs hold of it and tries to wring something out of it but there's nothing there!

Try to be direct, and tell your T that you don't want to talk about the academics. If it's something that makes you feel competent I'm sure your T wouldn't want to undermine that. I hope you work this out

[dismantle.repair]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Dismantlerepair - last week T was telling me something and it took a long time for her to say it all...
several times I opened my mouth to ask something, or say something, and every time she refused to make space for me but just kept going, so I shut up again

She has never done this before. Does yr T do this too? If so, have you ever brought it up? and how did you say it?

She does it sometimes... but it's just usually enough for her to finish her thought without me interrupting. (except with the academics thing. I was annoyed when she didn't let me interrupt ... I would've given her a large piece of my mind at certain parts!)

Originally Posted by purplelephant

I agree with the others about not being subtle, but I know that's hard.
I understand your feelings about the academics. I've been having a lot of trouble focusing and stuff and so T wanted to talk about that, which was fine. But then when she called my ability into question..... It's just a huge part of who I am and I'm first in my class and I study all the time and I'm like "You can't question that it defines me!!!" (in my head only)

Also I feel like she just overanalyzes things. I mention something in passing and she grabs hold of it and tries to wring something out of it but there's nothing there!

Try to be direct, and tell your T that you don't want to talk about the academics. If it's something that makes you feel competent I'm sure your T wouldn't want to undermine that. I hope you work this out

That's exactly it. lol.
Thanks guys