[Wren_]

how do you handle them?

instead of helping; i think therapy has confused me even more when it comes to feelings

seems theres the therapists that say sit with them
the ones who say they are lies replace them
the ones who say they are to be ignored
the ones who want to explore them and validate them

it's ... confusing

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

how do you handle them?

instead of helping; i think therapy has confused me even more when it comes to feelings

seems theres the therapists that say sit with them
the ones who say they are lies replace them
the ones who say they are to be ignored
the ones who want to explore them and validate them

it's ... confusing

here's my thoughts on this (based on my own experience/therapy):

I think sitting with them/ exploring them / validating them (but not judging them) is good.

I think thoughts can lie more than feelings.

i disagree about ignoring them - i consider my feelings to be a guide to what's going on inside, whether it's faulty thinking or whatever. i don't think ignoring them works.

to you, tigergirl

[Rapunzel]

Sit with them, explore them, and validate them.

If you are feeling something, there is a reason that you are feeling that. It doesn't mean that you have to do what the emotion wants you to do, just that it makes sense that you feel that way, or would make sense if you identified where the feeling is coming from. It could be something going on around you (external), or something going on within you, or a combination. The feelings that are in reaction to something within you can be the most powerful, but the hardest to figure out.

Feelings can be deceptive. There is still a reason for feeling what you feel, but it is easy to blow it out of proportion. Feelings tell us what we want, but they don't tell us the right or most effective thing to do, necessarily. Feelings should work for you, not boss you around. You need to balance them sometimes with more rational thoughts. Feelings give you important information, but it isn't necessarily as true as it seems. Feelings tell you about you more than they tell you about what is happening around you. Feelings aren't facts.

Feelings can be confusing. I hope that this helps.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

how do you handle them?

instead of helping; i think therapy has confused me even more when it comes to feelings

seems theres the therapists that say sit with them
the ones who say they are lies replace them
the ones who say they are to be ignored
the ones who want to explore them and validate them

it's ... confusing

then there's the ones who tell you to take a pill when feelings produce anxiety.

I am confused too.

[tkdgirl]

My T keeps telling me feelings are neither good nor bad that they just are.

I don't find this at all helpful, as it still doesn't tell me what to do with them I guess other than not judge them.

I understand your confusion and don't get it either.

[Sannah]

Have you been doing any trying to understand where they are coming from?

[Emptty]

It all depends on the type of therapist they are - what techniques they are using.

Ex :Psychoanalysts explore feelings and the past, cognitive behavioral therapists try to 'change' feelings and work on the present only.

Personally, I'm interested in talking about my problems and working with every stage of life past present and future so I'm with a psychotherapist who works that way :-)

[northgirl]

What I've taken away from my therapy experience is that feelings are the gates to my emotions. Feelings is always what I'm asked to identify behind how I think- they direct every decision I make: how I'll react to something, what I want, why things are the way they are.

[learning1]

I think rainbow rose and Rapunzel had good answers. I'm glad you asked this question because this conflict hadn't occurred to me before, but it is confusing. How do you know when to explore versus validate versus sit with feelings? I don't know. Sitting with might be when they're strong and uncontrollable and leading toward something negative that wouldn't be good to act on. When you've already explored and analyzed. That's whats coming to mind, but I don't actually feel sure when to sit with feelings very often. There's only one time I felt confident that was the right thing to do and I did it.

[Wren_]

thanks ... i'll admit i'm still confused; but what you've all said helps to make it that bit less confusing; i feel confused, my thoughts are confused?

I can see/am starting to see the value in not judging the feeling, and at exploring where the feeling comes from. eg. I feel angry it doesn't help much to be angry at feeling angry although I guess there is more to explore when that comes up

Have you been doing any trying to understand where they are coming from?

I've done some of this, in the way of looking at if there are thoughts attached to the feeling, what those thoughts were, if they could be substantiated by evidence etc.

It doesn't mean that you have to do what the emotion wants you to do

this is something I really need to remember; that I don't HAVE to do what the feeling (and subsequent thoughts) want me to do

How do you know when to explore versus validate versus sit with feelings?

exactly!

I know that I get overwhelmed very easily by feelings and am not good in handling them; I also know that I've had them unvalidated (?) so often that it's hard to grasp the idea of validating

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

how do you handle them?

instead of helping; i think therapy has confused me even more when it comes to feelings

seems theres the therapists that say sit with them
the ones who say they are lies replace them
the ones who say they are to be ignored
the ones who want to explore them and validate them

it's ... confusing

I find them confusing also. My T says that feelings are neither right/wrong/good/bad, they just are. They should neither be obsessed over or ignored. They can lie. They need to be explored in therapy to see what they reveal.

Still don't like 'em.

[Rapunzel]

A lot of times it comes down to what you can do at the time. If you are going to understand your feelings and validate them, you will have to sit with them, let them be, and explore them. Sometimes it isn't a good time to do that right now because it is too overwhelming or because you need to be doing something else. At those times, you may need to put the feeling in a box or on a shelf so that you can function in the moment. When you put a feeling away like that, it is healthy to validate it - just tell yourself that you are aware of how you are feeling and it is okay - there is a reason for it, and you will come back to it. Coming back to it is important, because otherwise it all piles up and all those feelings can drown you or explode at just the wrong time, when the box gets too full.

Besides, we need our feelings to be whole. Imagine what it would be like if there were no feelings! Nobody would ever care about anything. I wouldn't want to live in that world. Emotions give our lives meaning, and help us to understand ourselves and others and know how to relate to each other. They motivate us. They help other people to understand us and our needs. Even though they are confusing, they are important.

[Wren_]

Coming back to it is important, because otherwise it all piles up and all those feelings can drown you or explode at just the wrong time, when the box gets too full.

Exploding is a very familiar response

I wouldn't want to live without them either; I would like to be more in control though