Can I write my T?

May 11, 2012 at 05:18 PM

I know I'm obsessing. I know this isn't healthy but I really wanna talk to him. Can I write him? Is it okay? Or would it be a terrible mistake I'm gonna regret?

[Background:
My T left me 4 months ago after I became suicidal. He said I needed another kind of therapy called DBT which he wasn't trained in. I had been with him for 2.5 years & had/have lots of transference issues. A few weeks ago I finally found a new T. He's okay. And then last week T1 said he'd see me again if I also did the DBT thing. So I saw the DBT therapist and am gonna start group soon. That makes T1 (who I'm in love with), T2 and DBT-T!]

It was heartbreaking to see T1 again this week. I had so much pain and so much emotion pent up. We don't have a next appointment set up so I'm not sure what's gonna happen next but I do know the DBT-T is supposed to talk to him. I really wanna talk to him so much right now. Would it be horrible if I sent him a letter? We don't even know if he's gonna be my T again for sure.

CantExplain · May 11, 2012 at 05:36 PM

Writing a letter is an excellent idea.
But you may want to think twice before you send it.

Since you're seeing him again, why not just read it out?

May 11, 2012 at 05:39 PM

I'm not sure if I'm seeing him again. I guess it doesn't matter though. I should just write it and then do nothing with it, right?

CantExplain · May 11, 2012 at 05:40 PM

I'm not saying "should". But that's an option worth exploring.

May 11, 2012 at 05:41 PM

I'm not only attached though, I'm obsessing, aren't I? Do you think this is a bad sign? Obsession sounds not-so-good!

May 11, 2012 at 05:43 PM

Sounds like everyone agrees that you'll see T1 again as long as you're doing the DBT, but no one has set up an actual appt yet? If this is the case, I don't see why you couldn't email him and ask if he's ready to set up an appt for you. If he needs to talk to DBT-T first for some reason, then he could tell you that. I don't see anything wrong for taking the first step towards an appt instead of waiting for T1 to contact you.

I may be missing something here, but I don't see a problem with that. Keep it short and to the point?

May 11, 2012 at 05:45 PM

oh, no, that's um, not what I meant. I don't want to just write and set up an appointment. I want to talk to him. I want to write all these things in my head that I want to say to him.

But not send it. No, I know!

CantExplain · May 11, 2012 at 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostinDC

I'm not only attached though, I'm obsessing, aren't I? Do you think this is a bad sign? Obsession sounds not-so-good!

Attachment can often feel obsessive. I'm an obsessive attacher myself. I don't think it is anything to worry about. It can certainly be painful, though.

InTherapy · May 11, 2012 at 06:02 PM

From my own personal experiences, I would recommend NOT sending the letter. But definitely write it! You might be able to get some of it "out". As a fellow obsessive attacher, I know how strong the need for connection can be. But once you send a letter or a text or make a call, it's that much easier to do it next time, and that much more painful to go back to the "old" boundaries.

Don't do it.

May 11, 2012 at 06:04 PM

oh my god, you're so right! Once you do it it's that much easier to do it next time and this is how things got out of control before! I know! I think I'm addicted. Seriously. Is that possible?

InTherapy · May 11, 2012 at 06:10 PM

I don't know if it's possible in the strictest definition, but I definitely have been there too. I am ALSO trying not to let it get out of control. I had texted T earlier for a sooner appointment than Mon and she offered me Sat, but after re-reading my own advice I canceled and went back to Mon. If I can't do it, why should I expect anyone else to be able to?

May 11, 2012 at 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostinDC

oh, no, that's um, not what I meant. I don't want to just write and set up an appointment. I want to talk to him. I want to write all these things in my head that I want to say to him.

But not send it. No, I know!

Oh, OK, I thought you just needed to send something to make a connection. In that case, I agree that you shouldn't send it, but it would probably help YOU to go ahead and write it. If you do start seeing him again, maybe you can bring some of these things up in the therapy room. All this attachment stuff can be really beneficial in therapy. Or so they say ... I'm still working on it

Freefall1974 · May 11, 2012 at 06:30 PM

I think it is a great idea to write it and not send it. Sometimes I find that writing a letter will get the thoughts out of my head and I don't feel as compelled to send it or speak it. And if I do end up sending or speaking it I feel better organized. That attachment is so tough. Maybe if you write it and correct it and try to get it just right, after about 53 times you will say just f@k it.

CantExplain · May 11, 2012 at 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostinDC

oh my god, you're so right! Once you do it it's that much easier to do it next time and this is how things got out of control before! I know! I think I'm addicted. Seriously. Is that possible?

I have often thought of my attachment as an addition.
But we're all addicted to something, right?

unaluna · May 11, 2012 at 08:07 PM

yeah, but this is a human who could actually talk back and help you figure out this addiction, if you let him.

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CantExplain Big Poppa Member Since Oct 2011 Location: New Zealand Posts: 19,616 (SuperPoster!) 12 19.7k hugs given	May 11, 2012 at 05:36 PM #2 Writing a letter is an excellent idea. But you may want to think twice before you send it. Since you're seeing him again, why not just read it out? __________________ Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
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Anonymous32474 Guest Posts: n/a	May 11, 2012 at 05:39 PM #3 I'm not sure if I'm seeing him again. I guess it doesn't matter though. I should just write it and then do nothing with it, right?
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CantExplain Big Poppa Member Since Oct 2011 Location: New Zealand Posts: 19,616 (SuperPoster!) 12 19.7k hugs given	May 11, 2012 at 05:40 PM #4 I'm not saying "should". But that's an option worth exploring. __________________ Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
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Anonymous32474 Guest Posts: n/a	May 11, 2012 at 05:41 PM #5 I'm not only attached though, I'm obsessing, aren't I? Do you think this is a bad sign? Obsession sounds not-so-good!
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Anonymous32474 Guest Posts: n/a	May 11, 2012 at 05:45 PM #7 oh, no, that's um, not what I meant. I don't want to just write and set up an appointment. I want to talk to him. I want to write all these things in my head that I want to say to him. But not send it. No, I know!
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Anonymous32474 Guest Posts: n/a	May 11, 2012 at 06:04 PM #10 oh my god, you're so right! Once you do it it's that much easier to do it next time and this is how things got out of control before! I know! I think I'm addicted. Seriously. Is that possible?
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InTherapy Member Member Since Feb 2012 Posts: 291 12 178 hugs given	May 11, 2012 at 06:10 PM #11 I don't know if it's possible in the strictest definition, but I definitely have been there too. I am ALSO trying not to let it get out of control. I had texted T earlier for a sooner appointment than Mon and she offered me Sat, but after re-reading my own advice I canceled and went back to Mon. If I can't do it, why should I expect anyone else to be able to?
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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,980 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.6k hugs given	May 11, 2012 at 08:07 PM #15 yeah, but this is a human who could actually talk back and help you figure out this addiction, if you let him.
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