The other night I was thinking about all the things about my life that my T doesn't know.. some of its stuff I have avoided telling him and some of its just life stuff that doesn't pertain to why I'm in therapy....

Then I had this thought... What if my T. said he was going to spend a whole day with me.... with me as I went through a typical day... like on the TV show Super Nanny... when the first day the nanny just observes the family...then tells them all the things they do wrong or need to work on..

Would that send you in a panic? What would you not want your t to see or find out? What does that say about whether you have issues you are not dealing with?

Okay. I will go first... It would definitely send me in a panic if I found out one morning that T was going to observe me all day. First of all it would be really upsetting for me to have T in my house. He would see how much things have affected me... my house is not clean and the upstairs of my house looks a little like one of those houses on Clean House.
Also it would make me very anxious to know someone was watching my behaviors while dealing with other people... one of the reasons I can't do group... I have hard enough time dealing with social situations..

I dont think he would think I was a great mom if he spent a day with us..

Also, i wouldnt want t to see me eating either..

This exercise helped me see some issues that I haven't been dealing with...

[struggling2]

hmmmm.....i dont think it would bother me. theres not much to observe! lol!
on the other hand (and i have told her this)...it would make me really uncomfortable to be with her outside of therapy in situations that i wish i had with my family. i.e....shopping, baking cookies, being with her 1 on 1 outside of our therapy relationship.....that would SO weird me out. i wouldnt know how to act! i have a tendency to compartmentalize people and in the instance of T that works ok because it HAS to be that way....prolly not so good with other relationships. hmmmm

i think i went way off topic but i can understand where it could cause panic....

[unaluna]

oh yeah. I mean, I do TELL him, but him actually being here would be totally different. Maybe we need to get a big T cut-out made and stand it up in the corner -- just what this place needs, more junk

[critterlady]

Well, for sure the day he observed me wouldn't be a normal day. A lot of the things that would make me panic are around food. I haven't dealt with that yet with T because I've had more urgent stuff to work on, but I do plan to. Eventually.

I actually told my T that the person she sees in her office is totally different outside her door. I go in T and I'm like a scared needy little girl. I actually told T I wish she could follow me around one day so she can see what I'm like when I'm not in her office. Which is a fully functional 33 year old woman that goes to work and does normal things. Not the dissociated scared little girl that she sees.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

The other night I was thinking about all the things about my life that my T doesn't know.. some of its stuff I have avoided telling him and some of its just life stuff that doesn't pertain to why I'm in therapy....

Then I had this thought... What if my T. said he was going to spend a whole day with me.... with me as I went through a typical day... like on the TV show Super Nanny... when the first day the nanny just observes the family...then tells them all the things they do wrong or need to work on..

Would that send you in a panic? What would you not want your t to see or find out? What does that say about whether you have issues you are not dealing with?

I wish my T could come with me to family occasions. That's when I most need coaching.

[carla.cdt]

I would not mind, I think, but I would not want to know, if therapist could be invisible... I know I would eat right, I would talk to co worker, I would go to the gym, ... I would try to show how good I am at living!

So I guess I would mind!

[Towanda]

Originally Posted by TryinToGetBy

I actually told my T that the person she sees in her office is totally different outside her door. I go in T and I'm like a scared needy little girl. I actually told T I wish she could follow me around one day so she can see what I'm like when I'm not in her office. Which is a fully functional 33 year old woman that goes to work and does normal things. Not the dissociated scared little girl that she sees.

I so agree with this. I am a mature, functional, independent, of determined woman outside of T's office but can regress when inside. I would love to have him follow me around.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I wish my T could come with me to family occasions. That's when I most need coaching.

That would be my wish too. Would love to have T with me at family stuff.

Having T observe me for a full day....yikes! That would totally freak me out. I don't know if I'd try really hard to be more competent, or if I'd regress and suddenly find that I couldn't deal with anything. Either way, I know I'd not be myself. Maybe if my day could somehow be recorded and T could watch that...that might be interesting.

My T knows most of my issues. There are a few things about me she doesn't know, but it's not critical to the work I'm doing in therapy, so I don't feel that she needs to know. If it comes up, then I'll share, and if not then I won't. I've found that even the things I try to hide from T, she either figures out on her own or I eventually end up bringing up during a session.

I suppose if he wanted me he could. It wouldn't put me in a panic or anything. I don't have anything to hide. I just think it would be annoying as heck. I'm a pretty independent person. I might haul off and slap him out of pure irritation.

[eskielover]

That I spent all day on PC rather than getting things done around the house that I needed to get done. Things I needed to get caught up on & taken care of got ignored because I was sitting at the computer rather than being a functional responsible human.

[rainboots87]

I think T mostly gets anxious, depressed me with all my issues. I would love for her to be able to see goofy, caring, funny, etc. me.

She presented a question last week, asking me to estimate how much of the time (in a week, let's say) I feel insecure/doubting of myself. When I wasn't sure how to answer, she offered up 90% of the time as an educated guess. I remember thinking, wowza- no way! I was leaning towards something more like 60-75%, which I know isn't great, but definitely not 90%. I started thinking about how I must seem to her in session and how she doesn't get the full picture.

So, basically I think she'd probably learn a lot about me beyond my crazy moments and emotional chaos.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by rainboots87

I think T mostly gets anxious, depressed me with all my issues. I would love for her to be able to see goofy, caring, funny, etc. me.

I can be goofy, caring and funny with T.

[rainboots87]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I can be goofy, caring and funny with T.

I can be too, but she doesn't get to see that side very much.

[vaffla]

The thought of having T observe me all day fills me with a mixture of anxiety and excitement. I believe if I were given the choice, I'd choose to have her watch me. It excites me to think of her being so interested in me, no one has been that interested before...

I had a response typed out, but I'm too ashamed to post it. In short: the thoughts of T (or anyone for that matter) seeing my reality, actually seeing it and not just hearing my edited version - which already doubtless has her thinking I'm pathetic - makes me cry. I hate living this way, but I don't feel like I have the energy to do anything about it right now

[sconnie892]

Originally Posted by rainboots87

I think T mostly gets anxious, depressed me with all my issues. I would love for her to be able to see goofy, caring, funny, etc. me.

She presented a question last week, asking me to estimate how much of the time (in a week, let's say) I feel insecure/doubting of myself. When I wasn't sure how to answer, she offered up 90% of the time as an educated guess. I remember thinking, wowza- no way! I was leaning towards something more like 60-75%, which I know isn't great, but definitely not 90%. I started thinking about how I must seem to her in session and how she doesn't get the full picture.

So, basically I think she'd probably learn a lot about me beyond my crazy moments and emotional chaos.

I had something similar to this when t asked me to rate my anxiety and depression. She ranked it more severely than I did and I think for the same reasons you listed above.

I don't think I'd want to know my t was observing me until after the fact. I know I would adjust my behaviors if I knew t was around. Also, I never have a typical day at work. It's just the nature of my job and crazy schedule. T would have to come for at least a week to get the full picture of what I do.

I guess I would appreciate the feedback from T. I do share quite a bit with her, but sharing it from my perspective and having t see it for herself are two very different ball games.

[WikidPissah]

some time ago I was in T and he said.."so you were at B2 over the weekend?" I felt like a kid with my hand in the cookie jar. I was there with H and another couple. They had their little 2 yr old foster daughter with them. I had no idea he was there. I didn't ask him how long we were in the same restaurant.

With those friends I am light hearted and joke a lot. We aren't close at all, I would never want them in my home. I was probably laughing, and I am sure I was coloring and goofing around with the 2 yr old...I love kids. I wonder what it was like for t to see the "happy" me. I can wear the happy friendly mask well...just don't look too close!

[unaluna]

last night I imagined T saying, is that all you're gonna do? just SIT there? very lovingly of course, but...

GOOD THREAD!!!

I would not want this. Not even if I had a T I trusted.

* Everything in my life is not relevant to the T. Having them observe and criticise the things that are irrelevant smacks of voyerism.
* Even if they were to observe me they wouldn't necessarily know much more about me. They would still just be watching me from the outside and not know what I was thinking or why I was doing whatever I was doing. And I think I wear pretty much the same mask in and out of therapy.
* The thought of having somebody around for every waking hour is intolerable. I would be tired, unfocused and grumpy simply from not getting any time to myself. (OK, so I am those things anyway )
* While I'm not familiar with the Supernanny TV show, it sounds terrible to give anybody a free hand to criticise every facet of your life to bits - I don't see how that can have any therapeutic value. (But as I say I've never seen the show so I might be mistaken in how it works). And in any case, I get criticism from myself, and from H. I know I'm doing most things wrong - I don't need any T to inform me of that.

[likelife]

I'm not exactly secretive about my life, but I also know it would drive me crazy to have someone watching me all the time, T or not. If she did follow me around all day, though, she'd probably discover that I waste a ton of time on meaningless tasks, my house is a mess, my diet is terrible, and I can be pretty withdrawn (though she knows that already). At work, she'd definitely see a different side of me - the competent, put-together version of me that I sometimes wish I could be all the time.

More interesting to me than what she'd see though, is just what it would be like to have her with me throughout an entire day. I always say that I want more time with my T, but in reality, I'd probably get sick of her!

My t and i have spent the whole day together a few times. It wasnt awkward. It was actually really a nice time and very therapeutic.

[WikidPissah]

This...

Originally Posted by Apteryx

* Everything in my life is not relevant to the T.

and this

Originally Posted by Apteryx

And in any case, I get criticism from myself, and from H.

I know I'm doing most things wrong - I don't need any T to inform me of that.

exactly.

exactly.

[pbutton]

I wouldn't want him to watch me all day. I'd find it annoying. But if he did, I don't think he'd see anything that I haven't already told him. He knows that I am very capable at work but that I procrastinate a lot. He predicted that even though I waste a lot of time I still get everything done on time. He is right.

He knows I go to the gym every night. He knows I have trouble communicating with my husband. He knows I spend most of my time alone. I don't think there would be any surprises. My behavior in therapy is fairly representative of my life. I didn't realize that until this thread.