[healed84]

My T discloses a good amount about himself. NONE of it inappropriate at all, things that he gives examples about that may help me in a concept that we are talking about. We may find we have some kind of common connection and we may talk about it (reading books and comparing what our favorties were). This morning, though.. I had an appointment and I noticed right away that T was dressed way more casually than usual. I didnt' say anything, but he brought it up right away. He told me right away(they had no power this morning when they woke up at their house and he couldn't iron any of his work clothes)... And I was like ohhh really??? I don't know how to react to things like that??Am I supposed to interact with him? Say, somethjing like oh really? I saw that on the news (b/c I did) sorry to hear that? It feels weird. Like I am trying to keep myself from having any other kind of connection other than that of talking about me and my problems. That sounds sooo selfish to me, but I don't know how to handle anything else. I mean, I don't think he is pushing the boundaries at. all. Whatsoever, I just think it is an issue with me.

I don't know what to do with it? Do I tell him? I don't want him to stop, because those are the parts of thearpy that make me feel like I am connecting with a human. However, I feel like he should know. Maybe there is something there? Behind the reaction of him sharing the details of his life (I mean very limited details of his life).. am I being silly? does this make any kind of sense?

[Mike_J]

You could say something like

I appreciate our chit chat, makes me feel like I'm dealing with a real person, but I am wondering a bit if maybe our chit chat is more, is it part of your therapeutic approach?

And you make total sense

[WePow]

You are not being silly at all! In fact, you are being very honest about how this made you feel. It would be GREAT to bring up in session and work through! There is something to this that touched something inside of who you are. Use this as a chance to explore those emotions. Good job!!

[Wren_]

It gets difficult sometimes; it would be great if you could talk to your T about this but at the same time I understand that doing that might change the dynamics and he may start pulling back from the connecting you've been doing. Maybe if you explained all of it to him it would help? including that you don't want him pulling back just that you aren't always sure how to respond

[Perna]

You could tell him that you don't know what to do with it and discuss that or you could experiment, etc.; it is a part of your life, partially (in my case a large part) why you are in therapy, to learn what to say to people whose electricity is out when they wake? He's just a normal guy, like a coworker, boss, neighbor. What would you say to them?

I still remember when my T had to call me to tell me she would be late because she could not get her car out of the garage because the garage door opener was broken. I had no clue what to say, just did the, "oh, well I'll see you when you get there?" sort of response and we hung up and then I realized she literally did not know about the manual lever at the top of her garage to override the electric door opener and I "should" call her back and tell her about it. Now, you talk about agony that 5 minutes before I could convince myself to call her back, at her home, and tell her something so personal like how to get her garage door open. . . but I did do that and she laughed, delighted, and said a neighbor had helped them with it and "thank you" and away we went, meeting a bit later and not mentioning it :-)

[WikidPissah]

note to self: there is a lever to override the garage door opener.

I get a bit nervous with chit chat too...kind of like do we have time for this? But one time while T was bringing me to his office another t in the practice gave him condolences about his father's death. I was dumbfounded. It took a few seconds but I blurted out, you lost your father, I'm sorry. This started him talking about his father for a minute or two and I got really nervous...but he turned and asked me what it was like loosing my father. We spent the whole 50 min comparing notes about our dads. That was about 6 mos into t with him and I have to say it was the first time I ever felt a connection with a T. So sometimes that little chit chat can be a connecting point.

[unaluna]

This kind of thing was for me a measure of my connectedness and attachment to T, but I only saw it when I looked back on it, after things changed. Altho I was aware of the awkwardness of the lack of connection, as you are now. So it's kind of a good news, bad news, thing? Altho I think some people or therapy couples choose to stay on the more distant side? I feel like kissin' cousins with my T (after 5 years!). When he calls on the phone to change an appointment, it used to be so WEIRD and formal or something; now it's like, it's okay, I KNOW him. If that makes sense.

[JustWannaDisappear]

My T is the same way. I really like it because I feel like a person to her, and it calms my anxiety to chit chat before getting down to business. My past Ts seemed cold and formal.

[Sannah]

Maybe what is making you feel uncomfortable about this is that you are feeling intimacy and this is making you uncomfortable? (These little things that are shared help you to see him as human and approachable and this scares you?)