[pbutton]

I have to stop with my current T in September. Due to restructuring within the CMH dept, he won't be able to see me any longer.

If I am going to have to have to switch therapists, shouldn't I just do it now? What's the point of dragging it out until September?

I love to run away from things. So I thought it might be good to see other opinions before making any rash decisions. Also, he didn't write back to the email that I wrote on Monday. I am feeling very sensitive & cranky.

[unaluna]

You could start looking soon, so you don't lose too much T time while either of them go on summer vacation, plus it might be a little harder to find someone in summer because of vacation. So yeah, I wouldn't actually wait until September. You always think this T is the best, you don't want to leave them, but I have always found that the next one is better. It's like parachuting off an airplane - you SO do not want to take that step; maybe they have to push you; but then you're so glad you took the leap.

yeah I agree with hankster. I think you should use the time to transition and interview new therapists while you can still see this one so you don't feel so alone when September comes. My current T said he wouldn't see me anymore and I wished that he had helped me transition like this to the new ones. He didn't and it's been really rough on me.

we agree with all of the above♥ its what we are doing by lining up a new one before we stop with the current one,it gives a certain sense of safety♥

[stopdog]

As someone who has seen a lot of therapists over the last year and a half - I think it might be useful to scope out other therapists while still seeing the one you have. There are a lot of whacko therapists out there and even among the few who are not certifiable themselves, it takes some doing to find one or two you might be willing to deal with on a regular basis. Starting the search while you still have the one might help the transition.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

I would share the perspective of others to not wait until September to look for a new T, but I would also encourage you to focus on having a "happy ending" with this T. Maybe that's the compromise between running away and just continuing to work on hard stuff as if nothing has changed. It is an opportunity-- to think about how to say goodbye and thank you and examine what leaving means to you. But whatever you decide, it's you who is walking away, not him.

[pbutton]

Yeah, right now I want a destructive ending. I am hurting and I want him to hurt too. Considering I'm 943% more invested in the relationship, that's not gonna happen. I hate therapy. Maybe I don't want a new T either. This whole thing sucks.

[stopdog]

I understand the destructive thing and it can be satisfying in its own way. But, on the off chance that it is not the most useful way to handle it, and if one at least considers the very improbable idea that the therapist does have some internal response to the situation (he is not in control of it either it seems) that is not completely "yahoo I finally get rid of all these whiny *** clients" - then he may be feeling some discomfort already. You could add, of course, to the discomfort he feels (if not actual hurt the guy - although the one I see insists she can be hurt - I do not believe her), but perhaps you could make do for the time being with great and elaborate fantasies of how to hurt and destroy the ending or the therapist without actually doing anything for a couple of weeks and see if the urge fades. Even telling the guy about you wanting to destroy and hurt things might be worth a shot. One of the few useful things I have found is telling the therapist how much I want to verbally eviscerate her. Not doing it, just telling her I want to.
Just a thought. I will support you in whichever path you take.

[likelife]

Originally Posted by pbutton

Yeah, right now I want a destructive ending. I am hurting and I want him to hurt too. Considering I'm 943% more invested in the relationship, that's not gonna happen. I hate therapy. Maybe I don't want a new T either. This whole thing sucks.

I definitely understand the impulse to hurt him. And the whole thing does really suck.

Once, when I had to leave a T because I was moving, I talked with her about my ambivalence around just ending early because I knew I'd be leaving, and continuing to see her up until the end. Obviously it's a different situation, but she helped me to say goodbye in a way that was actually quite different from a lot of previous experiences I had had.

I'd agree with others that it makes sense to start looking for a new T now, but you might consider also continuing with your T until September so that the two of you can work on saying goodbye together.

I really think there is good work you can do with him between now and September. Even if you're looking and trying to find a new therapist in the meantime, I'm throwing my vote against cutting and running. You have worked hard with this T to get where you are. You deserve closure and a good ending.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way pbutton. Sometimes I think like that too. There's a satisfaction in causing an uproar, but the short-term satisfaction for me has always been followed by regret. I always, always regret it when I act out of that fear and anger.

It sounds to me like that would be a reaction instead of a response? (I'm totally using the language I've been learning lately about "reactions" being instinctual and emotional coming from the fear-based part of the brain and "responses" being more thought-out coming from the analytical part of the brain.)

I think you should talk about these feelings in your next session. Telling your T you felt like you wanted a "destructive ending" may be just as satisfying as actually throwing a tantrum.

[WikidPissah]

I think you should NOT run. Hang in there a bit, use current t to help find a replacement. Even use current t to bounce things off of while interviewing new T's. There's a lot that can get done in 3 mos. This is a difficult process and you need support.

[pbutton]

I cannot express how much I appreciate the responses to this thread. I have picked up lots of little pieces in each of your posts that have really made me stop and think.

I'd respond individually, but that much typing would SERIOUSLY cut into the time I am spending pouting with crossed arms.

[stopdog]

Don't forget to stomp a foot every so often too.

with the pouty lip pushed out...

seriously though...you are doing some seriously good work with your T...don't sabatage yourself by doing the cut and run... using this upcoming change to avoid dealing with your recent announcement won't be helpful... "what we bury we bury alive" ... and it will take months to get to a place with a new T to be able to say those words... By September you could get through an initial run through of the trauma...even though you may need to revisit and go deeper with a new person... but it will be less (something ?) with every new person you decide to tell.

I wish I could do the pouty lip in a sexy way. I just look like an idiot.

Has he called you or emailed back, pbutton? Kick him in the shins if he hasn't! Call him and let him know you're upset!

[pbutton]

I can picture myself kicking him in the shins. I cannot picture myself calling him. I'm sure he thinks I am fine. And he's trained in this stuff, right? He would know.

[stopdog]

The more I see of these therapists, the less I believe they are trained in anything useful such as being able to tell when someone wants to kick them in the shins versus when that person is fine.

[Dreamy01]

Hi,

I went through an ending with my former t when her circumstances changed and she had to leave the agency. I was given the option to see her privately after 3 months but I eventually decided not to since our t relationship was already riddled with problems and I'd previously been debating whether to leave.

When T told me it was a massive shock and we only had ten sessions left (including the one when she told me). A 3 week Christmas break landed right in the middle of the ten sessions and part of me thought what's the point of dragging out an ending, I might as well leave at Christmas than prolong the pain.

But I made the decision to sit out the ending and I'm glad I did. Really glad. At the time I reasoned to myself that I would be far more likely to regret leaving prematurely than I would regret sitting out the ending. That has been more than true. Seeing her for the final few sessions after Christmas allowed me to say all I needed to say to her, experience her care and concern for me, and process it as far as possible - WITH her, not alone.

I do understand the tempatation to tell T where to stick it especially when you feel hurt and abaondoned, but an emotional reaction on impulse usually leads to regret. One day in the future you will probably look back on what you've achieved with this T and believe me it is very satisfying to know you had a good ending regardless of the reasons behind it. If you have the chance to process it all with T, I would strongly advise you to do so if at all possible.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[pbutton]

Thank you.

Right now I feel like I have nothing left to say to him. I wish I hadn't emailed him. My reaction to his non-response is only compounding the problem.

I have bi-weekly visits so I have lots of time to calm down enough to drag my hiney back in there. We'll see.