[ruby.vroom]

My therapist seems hellbent on focusing attention on the few aspects of my life where issues don't exist. As far as she's concerned, my childhood was traumatic (no more than any else's, I suspect), my inability to connect with other human beings stems from fear and lack of trust (actually, there is no fear, just failure. and I don't have difficulty trusting--I trust wholly and indiscriminately, which has occasionally led to unfortunate outcomes).

What I believe to be issues of emotion regulation, she perceives as evidence of dissociative identity disorder (but of course any attempt to argue this point is met with resistance. In fact, it feels like she's sort of gaslighting me, telling me things I've said in previous sessions that aren't things I've ever said--and then using that to support her theory that there are gaps in my memory or that I'm attending sessions as different versions of myself).

So the process has been frustrating, to say the least. She tells me I just need to come around to it and decide that she's "safe." I don't perceive people as safe or unsafe in the first place. I don't desire a relationship with my therapist, as she seems to think is necessary for success. I just want someone who understands my issues to help me figure out how to get to a place in life where these things are relatively managed. They have DBT groups at another practice, but in order to participate, I have to be concurrently attending individual sessions. I see little reason to continue with something that is primarily unhealthy in order to get a chance at something that may be helpful.

I'd seek out another therapist, but evidently I have no idea how to select one who's capable of doing their job. And I don't have much faith in my present therapist's ability to refer me to one who isn't equally unhelpful. And really, I'm wondering if therapy is the last thing I need... if weekly sessions are just frequent enough to ensure that my impairments remain within my conscious thought and keep me stuck in some perpetual feedback loop from which I cannot escape.

Are some people just not the "therapy type?"

[Crescent Moon]

That therapist sounds like bad news, Ruby.

You need another one.. and if you can't find a referral from a trusted source, you'd probably be fine just picking a few and interviewing them till you find one you feel like "gets" you.

What you describe taking place doesn't sound like therapy to me.

Im sure there are people that just dont need it. But really this sounds like this is a dud T. How many have you tried? I had to go through at least a dozen. There are a lot of Ts who just dont cut it. What was the original reason for going? Would it be worth finding someone else?

[mixedup_emotions]

Yikes. I can understand you questioning whether or not therapy is right for you....but it does seem that your therapist might not be a good fit. Therapy requires investment - not just financial, but emotional, physical, mental - and if it's not something you're willing to invest in fully, then it may not be for you. I would probably consider finding a more suitable therapist before making that kind of decision.

[ruby.vroom]

Originally Posted by stormyangels

Im sure there are people that just dont need it. But really this sounds like this is a dud T. How many have you tried? I had to go through at least a dozen. There are a lot of Ts who just dont cut it. What was the original reason for going? Would it be worth finding someone else?

Well, this is the only therapist I've seen in the past 8 years. Prior to that, I saw dozens of them as an adolescent and found all of them to be equally unhelpful. I had assumed it was because I had no say in the matter, but this experience has led me to question the utility of therapy in general.

Initially I went because I'm totally incapable of interacting with other people, outside of a clearly defined role (such as my position at work). I don't grasp social conventions and have no idea how to function in a social capacity. I've also struggled throughout life, though some periods have been much better than others, with emotion dysregulation. All of this has been tremendously isolating and has left me wondering if I'll ever have the sort of life I would envision for myself (friends, a romantic relationship, children, and so forth).

The problem is that I don't know what's causing these issues and I've had people throw out everything from trauma to mood disorders to personality disorders to neurological conditions such as Aspergers Syndrome. It would seem that if I don't know what the problem is, I'm at a disadvantage in so far as selecting a therapist who can help me overcome it.

Have you utilized psychological testing to get an accurate diagnosis? Thats a wide range. If it was more pin pointed it can narrow the search to a more appropriate provider if you wanted one. Im sorry the interactions have been so bad

[ruby.vroom]

Originally Posted by stormyangels

Have you utilized psychological testing to get an accurate diagnosis? Thats a wide range. If it was more pin pointed it can narrow the search to a more appropriate provider if you wanted one. Im sorry the interactions have been so bad

I have not. Typically when I've been evaluated for something, it's because it's been the one thing that matches what I'm dealing with... so it's been done for confirmation purposes, mostly.

Is there an option for people who have zero idea what's going on with them to be evaluated for quite literally everything at once (or nearly at once)? My therapist has been dragging her feet about having me screened for AS, but I don't even know if that's the answer.

[CantExplain]

There are some people so damaged and so distrustful that the connection never gets started and they give up after a handful of sessions.

[ruby.vroom]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

There are some people so damaged and so distrustful that the connection never gets started and they give up after a handful of sessions.

I'm sure there are. For better or worse, I'm not one of them. I have no issues trusting. I do have issues with wasting my time.

[MsAspiring]

It sounds like to me that your therapist is not communicating with you as well as she could or you may understand ( or even agree) her feedback better. I, personally, have only been to about 3 therapy sessions. I prefer to do bibltherapy which is book therapy. If I get to a point where I think I could benefit from a professional's opinion- I call the crisis line.

[Crescent Moon]

I would go to a place that does neurological diagnostics. If you live near a big city, it will be easier to find. You might want to look into psychometric type testing. It's clear that you have some goals for your life, and you deserve to get the help you need to achieve those goals.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by ruby.vroom

And really, I'm wondering if therapy is the last thing I need... if weekly sessions are just frequent enough to ensure that my impairments remain within my conscious thought and keep me stuck in some perpetual feedback loop from which I cannot escape.

I think about this a lot myself. Is it the issue or focusing on the issue that is driving me batty?

I think that DBT could be useful to you because it focuses on regulating your emotions. It wouldn't be diagnostic, it would be more about addressing how you react in certain situations. Your current T seems to be in an all fired up hurry to slap a label on you, when what you are asking for and need is help with current relationships.

edit: I forgot to say that I do not think therapy is for everyone.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by ruby.vroom

My therapist seems hellbent on focusing attention on the few aspects of my life where issues don't exist. As far as she's concerned, my childhood was traumatic (no more than any else's, I suspect), my inability to connect with other human beings stems from fear and lack of trust (actually, there is no fear, just failure. and I don't have difficulty trusting--I trust wholly and indiscriminately, which has occasionally led to unfortunate outcomes).

if you've you've been with her for 8 years, I wouldn't call that "hellbent"? - that implies speed, to me, for some reason. honestly, I can't tell if you're even serious here or not. to claim you don't have trust issues because you trust everyone - dude, that is most definitely a trust issue. first, you don't trust yourself to make a good decision for yourself in evaluating this person in front of you.

I think she's saying, you have to start trusting somewhere, so why not start with her?

You've known her for 8 years. you feel you disagree with her opinions, such as whether you have DID or emotional regulation issues, because you don't remember saying things. Well heck, I don't remember saying things when people repeat them back to me, and I remember EVERYTHING. It's because other people are not as good as I am at presenting the context in which it was said. I can repeat the rest of the conversation almost word for word, and still THEY can't remember, but if someone does that for me, I DO remember. Solution - tell her to record it when it happens next time.

Sorry for that speech! As for how bad your childhood trauma was, sorry, no, you do NOT get a "pass" by saying it was like anyone else's! What a you, a Borg? You have to process what it meant to you in particular. No groupthink.

All that said, if you just don't feel "cozy" with her, I would recommend you find someone you more personally appealing, someone who you feel you CAN "take it" from, someone you don't feel is ALWAYS "lording it over you" somehow. That would be a better fit.

That's if you decide you want to stay. therapy didn't start working for me until I finally took my T's advice and went no contact with my FOO, which they had been telling me for literally decades. don't do what I did.

[elliemay]

I absolutely believe that therapy is not a cure all for all persons.

I also am absolutely sure that if I thought for one second that my therapist was gas lighting me, I would fire him and never, ever look back.

For heaven's sake, we certainly don't need anyone making us think we are worse off than we actually are.

However, therapy can help with certain things and I do think interpersonal communication and emotional regulation is one of them. Indiscriminant trust is not a bad thing at all, but it does open on up to a lot of hurt and disappointment.

I think true connection arises from the confidence in one's own ability to absorb those disappointments and hurts and carry on with a true willingness to accept it. A relationship with a therapist CAN help with that, I think.

Perhaps not a relationship with THIS therapist though.

[ruby.vroom]

Originally Posted by hankster

if you've you've been with her for 8 years, I wouldn't call that "hellbent"? - that implies speed, to me, for some reason. honestly, I can't tell if you're even serious here or not. to claim you don't have trust issues because you trust everyone - dude, that is most definitely a trust issue. first, you don't trust yourself to make a good decision for yourself in evaluating this person in front of you.

I've been seeing her for three months. We've had 6-8 sessions--not sure on the exact number, as we skipped a couple weeks. Before I started seeing her, I had not seen a therapist in eight years.

I guess you could say that trusting indiscriminately is a "trust issue," but I see it more as a social impairment. I cannot read people, so I can either trust them completely or fail to trust at all.

What does FOO stand for?

[unaluna]

sorry I was confused about the length of time. FOO is family of origin. and I realize I disagreed with everyone else here, but to me, there was something in your "tone of voice" that was looking for agreement with me. but then i'm weird! but then again, that's the beauty of this site.

[ruby.vroom]

Update: Decided therapy was making things so much worse and more difficult than they should be. Elected to opt-out entirely and couldn't be happier. Funny how focusing on your issues magnifies them needlessly. Definitely better off without it. But grateful for having tried, if only because I appreciate the therapy-free life that much more.

[SeaSalt]

Originally Posted by stormyangels

Im sure there are people that just dont need it. But really this sounds like this is a dud T. How many have you tried? I had to go through at least a dozen. There are a lot of Ts who just dont cut it. What was the original reason for going? Would it be worth finding someone else?

A dozen? I live in a small town and if I want to change Ts, there's not too many to pick from without me driving to another town (which I do not want to do).

I've only had two sessions with my T but right out of the gate thought she doesnt have much experience with gay clients. I could be wrong of course but it seems she is trying too hard in this area. I need to give her a chance but when your gut talks you really have to listen. And she made what I thought was a really bad comparison to something I said and her life. it was totally not the same thing. I think she realized that midway thru the sentence, lol.

I just dont know what to do either. I dont know if I am up for this journey, not to mention the money. My insurance only pays for 20 visits a year. I dont know what she charges for a visit when you dont use insurance but I am gonna ask.

[SeaSalt]

Originally Posted by ruby.vroom

Update: Decided therapy was making things so much worse and more difficult than they should be. Elected to opt-out entirely and couldn't be happier. Funny how focusing on your issues magnifies them needlessly. Definitely better off without it. But grateful for having tried, if only because I appreciate the therapy-free life that much more.

Thanks for sharing. Its good to hear opinions like this. I may be joining you in this thinking. I wish you all the best.