[struggling2]

ugh, WHY do i do this! why do i go in unprepared without everything written out hoping i will just magically on my own be able to start talking about the 50 million things ive thought about in the last 7 days. im not capable of doing that. i sit there like a Buckingham Palace guard not showing any emotion besides maybe sarcasm.

*@#$*&@#$RKJWDF*U@#RU@#FKJLWEF)(@#R@#)R

stupid struggling!!

[CantExplain]

((Struggling))

[SeaSalt]

Now struggling, please dont be so hard on yourself. Its over and you cant change it. If you're like me you will dwell on this for a long time. I am trying hard not to do that so much anymore. Whats done is done and next time take your notes! I too struggle with the 50-million-thoughts-in-my-head thing.

[taylor43]

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) please do not be so hard on yourself. I am very hard on myself. I was so gaurded the previous session and it was very painful for me. Today i took my journal it does help. Also it does take time to build trust in therapy. (((((Hugs))))))

I don't think I've ever written dOwn anything in therapy. That would be to intellectual, rather than emotive. Sarcasm is just a defence that can be worked with.

[pbutton]

Been there. I try to use it as a learning tool for the next time.

I agree with the others, don't be so hard on yourself, the world does enough of that for us!! I type up everything before I go, and most of the time I hand t a copy so she can read along while I read it/ad lib to her (and so I can't chicken out and not talk about something I know I need to talk about!) In fact I tried to do that just yesterday - completely skipped over a particular sentence - on purpose of course - and she went back to it for me, bless her heart. I'm glad she did after the fact.

[struggling2]

Thanks guys, im just really bummed. Those sessions are so frustrating. Im an adult why cant I talk about my feelings? How can it be THAT hard. It's not about trust....i trust her completely. Ive been seeing her for over a year. I just have this insane fear of intimacy and expressing feelings. I just dont know how to fix it. I dont even want to write it out and read it....she has to read it everytime. But yet, I can talk to the EMDR T fairly easily? Makes no sense.

[WikidPissah]

(((struggling))) I hate unproductive sessions too. So sorry you are having a hard time.

[scilence]

Can you go again? I called mine today and asked her if I could come back in before Tuesday and she is going to let me go back on Friday. Mine session sucked on TUesday too. I thought if I forced myself to go back an extra session maybe I can talk to her better on Tuesday... Is that an option for you? (((((struggles)))))

[dakota92]

I understand completely. Every session is like that for me. Why is it so hard to just talk? No advice for you; just want you to know you are not alone.

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by scilence

Can you go again? I called mine today and asked her if I could come back in before Tuesday and she is going to let me go back on Friday. Mine session sucked on TUesday too. I thought if I forced myself to go back an extra session maybe I can talk to her better on Tuesday... Is that an option for you? (((((struggles)))))

i have an appt next tuesday but cant go sooner. she's only there on T/W. i cant afford another one this week anyways.

[scilence]

I'm so sorry!!

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry you had a session like that. I've been there too, many times. I'm wondering why you can talk to the EMDR T easier? Do you close your eyes or follow the T's fingers? I do EMDR with my regular T and have found it easier to talk with my eyes closed, but I have more trouble talking when I do EMDR than when I'm not. That's why I'm curious about you. Do you fit better with EMDR T?

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm sorry you had a session like that. I've been there too, many times. I'm wondering why you can talk to the EMDR T easier? Do you close your eyes or follow the T's fingers? I do EMDR with my regular T and have found it easier to talk with my eyes closed, but I have more trouble talking when I do EMDR than when I'm not. That's why I'm curious about you. Do you fit better with EMDR T?

Hi Rainbow,
For EMDR I close my eyes and use tappers AND im sitting waaaay waaay closer to her than regular T. Like if i moved my foot I would hit hers...she sits right across from me. Its never bothered me. Ive never even thought about it until now. She actually used to tap my knees before she got the little tapper things. Regular T sits across the room about 10ft. Ive stood closer to her than that after session scheduling and what not but I think if she moved closer during the actual session while we were talking I think i would get uneasy. I really like both of them....i trust both 100% and know that they both know what they are doing. I think the thing is....with EMDR T there is no emotional intensity or attachment. I like her. We do our thing and thats it....so far anyways...its only been 4mos.......with regular T its holy emotional intensity. We click really well but I think i struggle because there is attachment there that im fighting. She's bumping up against my fear of intimacy big time. For some reason she is significant. Every week I almost cancel and never go back because of how I feel towards her. Or I dont even know if its towards her and more how she makes me feel. Or the feelings that she is evoking. blahhhh blahhhhh ugh. i dont even know if that made sense.

[mixedup_emotions]

UGH. That is SUCH an awful feeling. Over the last month, I've had a couple of sessions like that....and the anguish of knowing that it will be another week before I have the chance to try again just SUX!

I feel for you. I really do. (( HUGS ))