Advantages and disadvantages to changing T's

I was going to write that I am really bored with my T - but actually I am not sure that is quite right.

I think there are all sorts of things going on. I am bored I guess, I sit there not being able to "do it" and am losing confidence that I ever will.

I am sure T must be bored of me and that he gets more out of seeing other clients.

I am also wondering whether as I am feeling pretty numb right now, that I just want to stir everything up, cause a little chaos and get to feel, regardless of what those feelings are.

So I am trying to slow myself down, don't want to make the wrong decision. But then I wonder whether there is ever a wrong decision. I can see the benefits of sticking with the same T - it has taken alot of hard work to even get this far, but if you only ever drive the same car, how do you build confidence in being able to drive a range of cars - or in other words being able to eventually open up to T is no guarantee that I will then have more open relationships with other people.

So then I think there are real benefits to quitting and starting with someone new. It will be the same "me" that I take with me and therapy is about me isn't it? So why not take that risk, get to have feelings again, even the anxious ones.

Or is this about my father dying - am I scared of getting any closer to T, knowing that one day will come when it will be the last time I see him - so let's get out quick before that deep attachment comes.

What do I have to loose?

Take a break and try a few others - I think it is worth it to see. I think it would be possible to let the therapist know you wanted a break and set an appointment to go back to that original therapist out a month or two after you have explored. Even if you did not see but one or two other therapists or even decided not to see any new ones - the break might give you space to rearrange and come back to try again with renewed interest.

Here's a link to a blog post at Psychology Today that you might find interesting: (BTW, I love this guy!)
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...e-your-therapy

In my personal life, I'm big on change. I've worked lots of different jobs (in the same field) and Ive lived in lots of different places. I find change exhiliarating and there's nothing better than a fresh start somewhere.

BUT ... the thing to watch out for is whether you're running away from something. Only you know the answer to this.

What you have to lose is the closeness and trust that you've built up with current T. With a new T, you get to start all over again. You'll have a nice comfortable distance and no emotional attachment, because you don't know this person and they don't know you. So you'll be able to go, probably months, before you have to deal with any closeness again. You'll have to start all over again with the whole building-up-trust thing.

So ... tough decision.

You might set up a single "interview" session with some other T just to see how it felt. Or take a break, like stopdog suggested. I'll be interested in hearing what others have to say.

Thanks stopdog - I hadn't considered the possibility of taking a longer break and returning to current T (if he'll have me back) if it doesn't work out with another T.

Thebunnywithin - that was an interesting article - definitely some things there that I might focus on in the next session - also I am wondering whether this is about closeness for me and if so, then I guess it might not make sense to move T's, if is is closeness I am trying to avoid.

I have identified another T with a very different approach, maybe I should just have an initial session with him and maybe that will help me see things more clearly.

Soup

stirring it up and causing a little chaos may not be such a bad thing. Have you told T things were kind of stale?

No I haven't told T - I try to keep everything so controlled in there with him and barely move. My middle name is chaos in every other situation though

What do I say? That I am bored, or do I just go in there and act chaotic - I just wish there was some rule book or instruction book that I could follow so I knew what to do.

Now the other T has not got back to me today about arranging an initial session, so I have 2 T's to be p'd with

Hang in there - you don't know what's going on. My current T was referred to me by my physician--who I trust a lot--and it was 9 DAYS before he returned my call!!! Turned out he was in Europe on vacation.

I am the consummate non-talker. I never confront, always am polite, and rely on T to shape the conversation. But once I did text (or email...can't remember) "this sux, nothing is working, I feel stuck". that brought about a session I lovingly refer to as "Super T". He went over therapy with me point by point...is this working, how about that, was this ok, when have you felt the most connection...etc.

Of course you have to remember that I got frustrated with him and bailed when I felt he got too close. So my advice isn't that reliable.

I think it's useful to just say what you said here. Take your post in and read it if you need to. IME you can really tell how good a T is by how they respond when you basically say, you suck. Maybe that's actually the life task that you need to engage in right now to get yourself on track-- you need to speak your blunt, chaotic truth.

I think that consulting with another T or just going to another T because you're having issues with your current T is only useful after you've had the discussion with your current T. And IMO any competent professional would send you back to talk to him before engaging in any processing with you.

Damn - why does that have to make such good sense

Thank-you - Soup

So wrote the Dear T - I'm not coming back letter today - came up with all sorts of reasons why therapy doesn't work, have a real strong urge to send it and be done with it - never to have these difficult inbetween session feelings again, not to have to look at myself, squirm, cough up that money and in the back of my mind know that one day will come when it will be the last day that I see T - but maybe actually they are all the exact reasons why I should not send it and turn up as usual. Blah!!

(((((((((soup))))))))) imho i would first talk with current t. i had the same issue a while back, finally just told t all of it, i was mad, angry, frustrated. and he answered all my questions and i felt more like he cared about me. and i hate it when he says he cares. but if he actions prove otherwise i feel alot more safe.

Soup - they are. ((((((((((((((((((((( hugs to you )))))))))))))))))))))

Sorry.