So T says we will discover all sorts of "parts" of me , regarding what he perceives as behaviors. So then the question becomes, what parts do you keep? Obviously beneficial ones such as , hardworking or adaptive...are no brainers but what about sarcasm or being funny or being helpful. What can you filter instead? I find this interesting... Anyone else? What do you keep, what do you throw away...can you filter instead or just destroying a part of you?

[unaluna]

I don't think you can kill some parts even if you try. cos haven't I been tryin'? hasn't T been tryin'? but every spring the same weeds come poppin' back up! an' I ain't even drunk... I have had a couple three weight watchers mini cheeseburgers tho...

[critterlady]

I don't think you can destroy a part of yourself. It seems like the goal would be more to understand and accept all the parts and learn to work with them.

Originally Posted by hankster

I don't think you can kill some parts even if you try. cos haven't I been tryin'? hasn't T been tryin'? but every spring the same weeds come poppin' back up! an' I ain't even drunk... I have had a couple three weight watchers mini cheeseburgers tho...

Ok, so poor word choice.. Not kill .. Just umm, choose to no longerhave it be an active part of you.... Yes I think that's more accurate.

Lola, I'm not sure that any of us are entirely able to choose. I'm fairly dissociative and have some distinct "voices" in my head, parts that are really quite separate. [never officially been diagnosed with DID.] Early in therapy, my T talked at one point about "getting rid" of the separate parts. This did not go over that well inside my head. Anyway, next session, I addressed it with T, and we agreed that there was no getting rid of the separate parts, but we would instead work on taming down how negative and abusive those parts are to me. However, in the course of therapy, I have noticed that slowly (oh sooooo slowly) most of the parts have just disappeared. Not all, but most. The other thing I noticed was that the parts that developed earliest are the slowest to go.

[skysblue]

My T keeps telling me that I need to know all parts of myself in order to live a more peaceful and fulfilling life. And that all parts, whether i think them shameful or disgusting or ugly or damaging, must be integrated into a whole. I'm not sure how that actually plays out but I'm willing to try to understand it.

One idea proposed in Debbie Ford's "Dark Side of the Light Chasers" is that any attribute that we don't like about ourselves can actually be an asset if we use that attribute in a positive way.


Amazon.com Review
We know the shadow by many names: alter ego, lower self, the dark twin, repressed self, id. Carl Jung once said that the shadow "is the person you would rather not be." But even if you choose to hide your dark side, it will still cast a shadow, according to author Debbie Ford. Rather than reject the seemingly undesirable parts of ourselves, Ford offers advice on how to confront our shadows. Only by owning every aspect of yourself can you achieve harmony and "let your own light shine," she explains. "The purpose of doing shadow work, is to become whole. To end our suffering. To stop hiding ourselves from ourselves. Once we do this we can stop hiding ourselves from the rest of the world."
As threatening as shadow work may seem, it is often very effective in creating transformation. Ford's step-by-step guidebook is modeled on a highly successful course she developed about embracing the shadow. Ultimately, she helps readers illuminate the gifts and strengths that lie within the shadows. Although this works sound vague, clouded in dark metaphors, Ford manages to make it clear and specific. She has the writing gifts of a successful seminar leader--inspirational, trustworthy, and able to convey murky material with grace and ease. --Gail Hudson --

From Publishers Weekly
Everyone possesses the entire range of human traits and emotions: "the saintly and the cynical, the divine and the diabolical, the courageous and the cowardly", contends Ford, a faculty member of California's Chopra Center for Well-Being. The problem, as Ford (and Freud) define it, is that in growing up, people suppress those behaviors, thoughts, feelings and characteristics that are unacceptable within their particular environments. But rather than daily sessions on the couch, Ford advocates re-imagining and reclaiming lost aspects of self, urging readers to "unconceal" and embrace those traits buried in their "shadow," in order to find their "gift." She offers exercises designed to bring such traits to the surface, including directed self-questioning; listing one's characteristics for closer examination of positives and negatives; and "discharging toxic emotions" physically. Her advice is often drawn from anecdotes of experiences with friends and in workshops that she has taught or attended, and from her own struggles with various aspects of her personality. What some will see as disarming simple methodology may seem shallow to those with a more analytical bent. But even those not looking for the "Resistant Rita," "Lovegirl Laurie," "My-way Marvin" or "Competent Ken" locked inside them may find him or her in spite of themselves.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

However, in the course of therapy, I have noticed that slowly (oh sooooo slowly) most of the parts have just disappeared. Not all, but most. The other thing I noticed was that the parts that developed earliest are the slowest to go.

Well maybe that ws more along the lines of what T meant. MKAC, dude you are always so helpful... Up top sir , I love that deodarant commercial, but alas no "pit" smilies available.

On the other hand the part in red , scares the living H E L L out of me!

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Well maybe that ws more along the lines of what T meant. MKAC, dude you are always so helpful... Up top sir , I love that deodarant commercial, but alas no "pit" smilies available.

On the other hand the part in red , scares the living H E L L out of me!

Why is that scary? I would have thought it would be reassuring: that the oldest and most familiar parts won't just abruptly disappear.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

So T says we will discover all sorts of "parts" of me , regarding what he perceives as behaviors. So then the question becomes, what parts do you keep? Obviously beneficial ones such as , hardworking or adaptive...are no brainers but what about sarcasm or being funny or being helpful. What can you filter instead? I find this interesting... Anyone else? What do you keep, what do you throw away...can you filter instead or just destroying a part of you?

You help those parts mature and grow

[rainbow8]

According to IFS (Internal Family Systems therapy) we have all of these parts but we also have a Self, who is sort of like the conductor of our parts (the orchestra). The idea is that our parts should not "run the show", but they should work together in harmony with our Self running it. We are supposed to accept and show compassion to all of our parts. If we let them "talk", they will eventually unburden themselves and stop "running the show".

I'm still working on building a strong Self so that my parts won't run the show, according to my T.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Why is that scary? I would have thought it would be reassuring: that the oldest and most familiar parts won't just abruptly disappear.

I'm afraid the oldest and the most familiar are the most damaged.

Originally Posted by skysblue

My T keeps telling me that I need to know all parts of myself in order to live a more peaceful and fulfilling life. And that all parts, whether i think them shameful or disgusting or ugly or damaging, must be integrated into a whole. I'm not sure how that actually plays out but I'm willing to try to understand it.

One idea proposed in Debbie Ford's "Dark Side of the Light Chasers" is that any attribute that we don't like about ourselves can actually be an asset if we use that attribute in a positive way.


Amazon.com Review
We know the shadow by many names: alter ego, lower self, the dark twin, repressed self, id. Carl Jung once said that the shadow "is the person you would rather not be." But even if you choose to hide your dark side, it will still cast a shadow, according to author Debbie Ford. Rather than reject the seemingly undesirable parts of ourselves, Ford offers advice on how to confront our shadows. Only by owning every aspect of yourself can you achieve harmony and "let your own light shine," she explains. "The purpose of doing shadow work, is to become whole. To end our suffering. To stop hiding ourselves from ourselves. Once we do this we can stop hiding ourselves from the rest of the world."
As threatening as shadow work may seem, it is often very effective in creating transformation. Ford's step-by-step guidebook is modeled on a highly successful course she developed about embracing the shadow. Ultimately, she helps readers illuminate the gifts and strengths that lie within the shadows. Although this works sound vague, clouded in dark metaphors, Ford manages to make it clear and specific. She has the writing gifts of a successful seminar leader--inspirational, trustworthy, and able to convey murky material with grace and ease. --Gail Hudson --

From Publishers Weekly
Everyone possesses the entire range of human traits and emotions: "the saintly and the cynical, the divine and the diabolical, the courageous and the cowardly", contends Ford, a faculty member of California's Chopra Center for Well-Being. The problem, as Ford (and Freud) define it, is that in growing up, people suppress those behaviors, thoughts, feelings and characteristics that are unacceptable within their particular environments. But rather than daily sessions on the couch, Ford advocates re-imagining and reclaiming lost aspects of self, urging readers to "unconceal" and embrace those traits buried in their "shadow," in order to find their "gift." She offers exercises designed to bring such traits to the surface, including directed self-questioning; listing one's characteristics for closer examination of positives and negatives; and "discharging toxic emotions" physically. Her advice is often drawn from anecdotes of experiences with friends and in workshops that she has taught or attended, and from her own struggles with various aspects of her personality. What some will see as disarming simple methodology may seem shallow to those with a more analytical bent. But even those not looking for the "Resistant Rita," "Lovegirl Laurie," "My-way Marvin" or "Competent Ken" locked inside them may find him or her in spite of themselves.

What if the dark part is actually running the show and it's the good part fighting for time? Interesting , thank you!

I'm not sure we get too choose. As we journey on in therapy what is the real us makes itself known to us. Hardworking is just our inner critic. Why hard working? That's just something we brainwashed into believing makes us a better person.

Hardworkingis part of my DNA, I don't want to lose that.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Hardworkingis part of my DNA, I don't want to lose that.

Is it? And what would it feel like too lose it? I think being productive comes from being happy in who we are. If hardworking is an isolated component then that suggests it is coming from a need to please rather than it being anything to do with who we are.

[elliemay]

Well, I think it is up to you. I think therapy is about discovering who you want to be, what you want your life to be like, and how you would like to live in that life.

The behaviors that get in the way of those three objectives will simply fall away as that vision for yourself becomes more clear.

You won't lose anything that you don't want to lose, trust me on that.

[stopdog]

I would not like the idea of losing any part of me. Instead of thinking of it as discarding, perhaps just a reigning in or slightly more control over parts?

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would not like the idea of losing any part of me. Instead of thinking of it as discarding, perhaps just a reigning in or slightly more control over parts?

Filtering..yet there comes the rub, i suck at boundaries in general, mine yours theirs.. It's a zero or 60mph... 1st and 5th gear only .

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Filtering..yet there comes the rub, i suck at boundaries in general, mine yours theirs.. It's a zero or 60mph... 1st and 5th gear only .

That would seem to me like learning a new skill. Not getting rid of a part of you.

Adding a trigger icon for a discussion of what caused my 'parts.'

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

I'm afraid the oldest and the most familiar are the most damaged.

This is certainly true for me. I can actually remember how the first voice started -- my mother locked me in a room and promised to beat me every 15 minutes until I found a shoe I had lost (I was under 5 because I wasn't in kindergarten yet). I was huddled in a little space between my dresser and bed sobbing and terrified and I couldn't even look for the shoe. There was this weird tearing sensation inside my head and suddenly there was another voice there, telling me to get off my ***** and look for the d**n shoe. It also called me a variety of names, but at least I was able to move and crawl around the room and look for the shoe. That abusive voice has been with me ever since, but it helps me function in situations that cause most "normal" humans to completely shut down.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would not like the idea of losing any part of me. Instead of thinking of it as discarding, perhaps just a reigning in or slightly more control over parts?

This is what my T said after we went back and discussed it a second time. We work on control, better self-talk and less internal abuse.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Filtering..yet there comes the rub, i suck at boundaries in general, mine yours theirs.. It's a zero or 60mph... 1st and 5th gear only .

This makes sense to me also. It used to be that my boundaries were way the hell out there, or non-existent. I'm working on the middle ground. I think I've improved and therapy does help eventually.