[dolphingirl]

Sometimes I feel like it would be helpful to discuss things with T. For example, how to handle an upcoming situation, how to handle emotions associated with it, or processing a situation that happened. In my mind I don't view it as anything being "wrong" or don't view it as "going on" because it may have only happened once or twice and went on for a few days but it still bothered me enough to want to talk about it. Do you ever just want to talk for reasons like that or do you wait til your life has been completely sucking all week? Right now me and T don't have regular appointments since its summer, so I contact her and we usually meet in a couple days. I am usually asked what's wrong/going on?. When I respond "nothing" it's usually something along the lines of "well something has to be going on if you contacted me. I know not to wait til I'm in a spot where I'm in trouble, but at the same time, I feel bad contacting T if I don't necessarily view something as "wrong or going on" but just feel that I need a little bit of help.

[ECHOES]

I talk about anything and everything in therapy. Whatever is on my mind is what I talk about and I just start when I get there, saying whatever it is that comes to mind.

Anything and everything, the only rules in therapy as to what to talk about
Anything and everything help your therapist learn more about you, and help you learn more about you.

But I know the feeling too, of wondering if *this* is a therapy topic, and when I mention that to my therapist, she reminds me "of course".

Talking about what I consider to be the smallness of my life, and the small things in it, took a while to be able to do.

Therapy is about you and you can talk about anything you want to talk about.

.

Perhaps you could find a therapist that can offer you regular slots? It could be the uncertainty around sessions that's creating the urge to contact where if you knew you went too therapy on regular days then you would be able to mange?

Originally Posted by dolphingirl

I am usually asked what's wrong/going on?. When I respond "nothing" it's usually something along the lines of "well something has to be going on if you contacted me. I know not to wait til I'm in a spot where I'm in trouble, but at the same time, I feel bad contacting T if I don't necessarily view something as "wrong or going on" but just feel that I need a little bit of help.

I would feel the same way, I think, if a T were to say that to me. Maybe you could try replying to "What's wrong?" with something like "Nothing is wrong, exactly, but there are things I need to process with you". Or "Nothing is going on, but I need a little help with this." I don't know, maybe being prepared with something like that might help? Because there is no need for you to feel bad, you have every right to contact your T, that's what she's there for, and that's what you are employing her expertise for! (It's much easier to see this when it's about other people - as I say, I would feel the same way if it were me. This is why it's good to post things to PC )

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by dolphingirl

I am usually asked what's wrong/going on?. When I respond "nothing" it's usually something along the lines of "well something has to be going on if you contacted me. I know not to wait til I'm in a spot where I'm in trouble, but at the same time, I feel bad contacting T if I don't necessarily view something as "wrong or going on" but just feel that I need a little bit of help.

Do you think maybe a response like "nothing major is going on, I just wanted to touch base and talk" would be helpful? I think that the way you are doing it is fine, calling when you have things building up. It is also fine to have nothing happening and just need to connect with someone.

[sunrise]

I don't think I'd like that question. It would create pressure in me to produce "big stuff" to tell my T. It might create pressure to "perform". Also, sometimes in therapy, I like to celebrate my successes with T, and tell him about something that brought me joy or a sense of accomplishment. There is nothing "wrong" with joy or accomplishment so it would be hard to answer if he asked that. It would tend to guide the therapy down an artificially negative path. I think it might be worth talking to your T about how she asks that question. She may not have thought through the impact it could have or maybe she really does want to send you the message that something has to be wrong in order to get a message with her. She wants to do a kind of crisis counseling?

[Sannah]

What you listed sound like excellent things to discuss in therapy. What is holding you back?

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

Do you think maybe a response like "nothing major is going on, I just wanted to touch base and talk" would be helpful? I think that the way you are doing it is fine, calling when you have things building up. It is also fine to have nothing happening and just need to connect with someone.

I really like this response. Wikid is wicked smaht.

[dolphingirl]

Originally Posted by sunrise

I don't think I'd like that question. It would create pressure in me to produce "big stuff" to tell my T. It might create pressure to "perform". Also, sometimes in therapy, I like to celebrate my successes with T, and tell him about something that brought me joy or a sense of accomplishment. There is nothing "wrong" with joy or accomplishment so it would be hard to answer if he asked that. It would tend to guide the therapy down an artificially negative path. I think it might be worth talking to your T about how she asks that question. She may not have thought through the impact it could have or maybe she really does want to send you the message that something has to be wrong in order to get a message with her. She wants to do a kind of crisis counseling?

Thanks for the responses. T does offer regular appointments, I think I may have been the one who suggested "as needed" sessions, because we don't have "normal" schedules and I thought summer would be a time of relaxation, haha, and there is building construction going on. I think Apteryx and Wikid have good ideas for responses. Sunrise, you have good insight and I'd like to try to do more of that because I hate the feeling of therapy only being about the bad things that happen because handling something in a good way, a positive thing shows learning/growing. There has been a little of that. T did try to make it clear that she wanted me to contact before things got really bad or anywhere close to a crisis.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by dolphingirl

T did try to make it clear that she wanted me to contact before things got really bad or anywhere close to a crisis.

It sounds like she really is there when you need her, but perhaps she has just been using an unfortunate wording that puts you off ("what's wrong?"). Maybe when she asks what's wrong, what's going on, she just means, "how can I help?" I think it is worth discussing with her what her choice of words means to you. I am thinking you and she really are on the same page.

I have something in between a regularly scheduled appointment and an as needed appointment with my T. Like you, I don't really have a regular schedule so it would be hard to have an appointment on the same day and time. We set our appointments one at a time, at the close of the previous appointment. The interval is usually every 2-4 weeks, the frequency determined by my sense of need and our availability. It works OK for us. And it is very reassuring to have that one appointment on the books so I know if hard stuff comes up for me, that an appointment with T is just a week or two away, and I don't have to lift a finger to schedule. That is somehow easier for me than calling "as needed"--I think that would indeed put pressure on me to have to have a "reason" for scheduling the appointment. I wonder if an arrangement like this might work for you too.

Good luck!

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by dolphingirl

Sometimes I feel like it would be helpful to discuss things with T. For example, how to handle an upcoming situation, how to handle emotions associated with it, or processing a situation that happened. In my mind I don't view it as anything being "wrong" or don't view it as "going on" because it may have only happened once or twice and went on for a few days but it still bothered me enough to want to talk about it. Do you ever just want to talk for reasons like that or do you wait til your life has been completely sucking all week? ..... I know not to wait til I'm in a spot where I'm in trouble, but at the same time, I feel bad contacting T if I don't necessarily view something as "wrong or going on" but just feel that I need a little bit of help.

I think you should tell her exactly what you say right here.

I love using my therapist as a sounding board... as a life coach/mentor figure... as a source of feedback on things I'm thinking about doing/planning, etc. She knows me. Now that I'm in a place where I'm not in persistent "crisis mode," I have really enjoyed having someone who *really* knows the best and worst of me - yet who doesn't have a need to manipulate me - give me input as I put my life together. Guidance. I think she really enjoys it too. When I'm at a crossroad of some kind and am struggling with which way to go, she has just relished bringing up reminders of how things were in the past - how far I've come - reminding me of my successful transitions.

It sounds like you are at a place where you can and want to use your therapist like that. You just need to talk about it with her!