[slbest]

Hi there,

So I was seeing a therapist near my college this past semester and things were going pretty well. But then I told her I was going to see the therapist I have near my house for the summer and she basically said "see you in the fall then" That felt weird but I guess makes sense because I am not paying her for the summer. Now I feel like it will be awkward when I resume sessions with her in September. I am so nervous about seeing her again that I am just considering switching to someone new. I need advice! How would I say goodbye if at all if I want to see someone new? Help!

[karebear1]

Why do you want to stop seeing her?? Is it just because you feel awkward about the way you left things? I think you'd be better off facing her than changing T's. You've already established a good rapport wih her, just be honest and tell her you feel a little awkward about how things ended, but you've missed her during the summer etc.

Things will be ok. I'm sure she's had a lot of students that have done the same thing you've done!

[slbest]

Any more feedback would be great. I am struggling with what to do!!

[northgirl]

I really don't see why you should switch. I see a college counselor too and am taking the summer off with the expectation of continuing in the fall. I think they are used to this and will try to make it as easy as possible; since you already have experience and history with your T, it might be more stressful and hard to start up again with a new one. What do you think?

[dolphingirl]

I was asked the question about, what can I do to help you transition and be ok in the summer, then a little later something almost, I look forward working with you in to fall.

People who work in college towns, including therapists, are really used to students being gone during the summer and returning in the fall. It really doesn't phase them at all. It is completely ordinary for them. I suspect this is really a non-issue for the therapist, but give her a call and ask her if it is bothering you. I'm sure she can reassure you that she'll be there for you when you return and all will be fine between you.

[pbutton]

Why are you nervous about seeing her again?

[unaluna]

if you would prefer to see someone else, you can. i'm not clear what is making you uncomfortable. what are you reading into what was said - i'm not seeing anything there. but then, I do kinda need a ton of bricks to land on me... other times, I see what no one else sees! it's a gift

[slbest]

Thanks for the feedback. I've only have been with my therapist at school for about 6 months. Although things were going well I just feel like we didn't completely click. I contacted someone today that I met with at the beginning of the semester when I was on a search for a therapist and I've decided I want to go and try her again. How do I end it with the therapist I don't click with? DO I just not call her at the beginning of the semester?

[slbest]

I am so unsure about what to do!

[stopdog]

You do not have to tell the old therapist anything. You can just move on. If you would like to have a wrap up appointment with the old one, you can do that too. Go try the new one. You are not obligated to the old one.

[slbest]

That's true. I think I am just going to move on and not tell her anything because I'll be starting a new semester anyway. Do you think she is going to call me next semester and wonder what is going on? I am really worried about that!

[stopdog]

It would be unusual, I think, for the therapist to call you. You can always tell her you have a new therapist, or that you will call her if you think you need to or simply not answer or return her call. Usually, in my experience, therapists do not come after the client. That is not universal. But you do not have to go back or even explain even if she does call.

[slbest]

Ok I really hope she doesn't call me, that would probably be pretty awkward! I guess I just have to do what I feel is good for myself and not worry about how she is going to respond/react, right?

[stopdog]

Correct. The client does not take care of the therapist and does get to do what is best for themselves.

[slbest]

I'm just worried she is going to call and be like "what happened, I thought we got along well and really worked well together" That would be horrible. Then what do I say to that?

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by slbest

I told her I was going to see the therapist I have near my house for the summer and she basically said "see you in the fall then" That felt weird but I guess makes sense because I am not paying her for the summer.

It seems like this was not the response you were wanting or expecting. What were you hoping she'd say?

[slbest]

No. these are just things I am thinking and imagining she might say once some time passes when I get back to college and don't contact her. Many of my thoughts are unrealistic. I hate that!!

It seems like you're really torn about what to do, so why not take some action or create a plan so you can stop agonizing over this. I have a suggestion: See the other T over the summer and see how it goes. If it goes well, call or email your other T in the fall and tell her that you've settled in with a new T and would like to continue with this new person. You don't have to go into detail or justify anything. Thank her for helping you, or however you want to put it. I seriously doubt she would call you after that and ask for more details, or beg you to come back.

Once you have a plan, go have some chocolate and relax!

[slbest]

The new t wouldnt start until the fall not the summer. I am sure I am going to be seeing a new t in the fall but I guess im just nervous. Thanks everyone for your advice!!

[Ciaran]

It would seem that the prospect of your therapist expecting to see you and your not intending to see them is quite intimidating for you, which, as many people here have pointed out, doesn't appear rational.

Consequently you are most likely responding from feelings and, as this seems to lie outside of awareness, quite old feelings. Therefore you have something very genuine and useful that you can work on.

Your posts suggest that you would like your responsiblity for ending the sessions taken away from you. You hoped that the end of the semester would do this, but due to the therapist's expectations, it did not. Now you are inviting directive answers from others which will serve to reduce your responsibility here.

My advice would be to see your therapist again and tell her. Perhaps arrange a single session (maybe two) just to go over these feelings. You will likely find out something important about yourself and possibly even get the 'click' that was previously lacking. I am a strong believer that you should always leave if the relationship doesn't feel right, but you are only doing yourself an injustice to not discuss this with your therapist - they are paid such that you don't have to concern yourself with their feelings.

[slbest]

Such good thoughts, Ciaran! You are right. At the end of the semester there really was no closure going into summer I guess because I was going to come back and resume with her in the fall. I don't think I want to have 2 more sessions with her when I return to school. Would that be awkward to be like "I just want to have a couple of sessions to say I want to discontinue with you" But would this be a good thing to discuss with my new therapist next semester?

[Perna]

Originally Posted by slbest

I'm just worried she is going to call and be like "what happened, I thought we got along well and really worked well together" That would be horrible. Then what do I say to that?

There are a lot of hypothetical things that could happen; I want to ask how she will know where you are/that you are at school (or even at that school) or still interested in therapy or. . . If you are really upset about being worried, change your phone number or other information she has about you?

The chances of the T being "nosy" (if you were to say, for example, "oh, I thought we worked well together too but I met someone during the summer and I'm trying something new" -- "Oh, yeah, what are you trying that's so new that I couldn't do too?" :-) you see how your imagination can get away from you?

Your old T will have too many new students to work with; she's not sitting around, lonely, waiting for you to call Yes, she enjoyed working with you when she worked with you but you weren't (and don't want to be) a key element in her practice.

[slbest]

Thats a good point, Perna. She shouldn't be depending on me seeing her.