Rude Therapist, the end!

Hi all. I have written in the past about some serious issues w/ my therapist in terms of her rudeness, telling me what I can and can't talk about (she almost refused to let me talk about a dear friend w/ a terminal illness) etc. You can see my other posts related to her horrid behavior. There is too much to list here!

I had once written her an email about this, but it didn't do much good for long. She had gone back to trying to tell me my issues "could be talked about with a social worker," etc. How rude! Why not say "I can't stand you, please see someone else!" Anyway, I have reached the last straw.

She has always tended to have an irascible temperament, and a rather nasty side. Again, please see other posts for examples of this, if you would like filled in.

Recently, I have been ill. Very ill. So sick, in fact, that I would cough so hard I would throw up - blood! I had cancelled about 3-4 appointments because of this illness, and always days before my scheduled appointment. I spoke to her once on the phone, but she really didn't say much in terms of hoping I felt better, etc. I think this is horrid behavior for someone who is suppose to genuinely care for their clients! I get treated better by the guy who loads my groceries into my car!

I cancelled one more app't. I would never, ever want to make her sick. She called me today, *****y from the start. The first thing out of her mouth was a snide "This has been going on a long time," referring to my illness. No crap, I'm the one who has been ill, and I did NOT appreciate her tone. She then basically said that she was giving up my regular scheduled time since I've missed them, and that when I'm better I can call and she will fit me in. I think this is rude, but I understood. It's the way she did it.

I then said, like I did in my message, that in two weeks I'd be fine. I'd bet on it. She replied with a sharp tone "I'M NOT BETTING."

Wow, that was the last straw! I'm cancelling to protect her health, and I get crap for it? Oh no. No "I hope you feel better," no concern at all, just nastiness, unprofessional rudeness, and a complete lack of basic care and sensitivity.

I will not go back, not ever. I have put up with various rude behaviors from her for far too long.

But I DO have one question - I'd like to email her, briefly, and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable, and I won't tolerate it - or be returning - any more.

Some would say to hell with it, other would say "write it!"

What is everyone's opinion? I think it would be cathartic to tell this monster I have finally had enough (again, there is alot more in my previous posts I won't mention here). But I've had enough of her dismissive, almost abusive behavior. My feelings should not be hurt by my therapist on a routine basis. Time to RUN, and never look back.

Any suggestions on emailing? I think it is deserved.

Thanks!

For me T is about learning to express how I feel - so I would let her know how I feel.

I would meet her f2f and tell her what I thought and felt. That would prove to both of us that I wasn't running or hiding from her.
Pam

I think that as long as you can do it without being invested in getting any particular response from her, and as long as more rudeness on her part wouldn't just trigger you more and perpetuate your negative feelings, it's a fine idea to write. Maybe she'll get it, and maybe she won't, but Soup's right about the importance of being able to express yourself (respectfully but clearly in this case, I'd say).

I'd write it and send it. But I would also put at the bottom of the email that you expect no further contact from this point on. This statement tells her in no uncertain terms that she is not to email or phone you to give you a possible rude response. In fact, if she does contact you after you've indicated not to, she is stepping over a very firm boundary.

Also, although we all say go f2f to communicate your feelings, I personally wouldn't in this case. I've read your other posts and I don't think you need to pay this T one more cent of your hard earned money! A email is free and then you're done.

I'm sorry you had to deal with such an unpleasant and clearly unprofessional therapist! I hope you're able to find a new therapist who is able to treat you with the compassion and empathy you deserve. Good luck!

I agree with Jay and others. I would email her if you are certain that you are quite finished with her and just want her gone.

Given her track record, I would not expect an apology or for her to ask you to come back.

This email would have to be all about you rather than a response from her.

If that's what you want, then go for it - and in a big way.

Good luck.

I agree 100% with Jaybird.
Don't give this woman another chance to berate or insult you, and certainly do NOT pay her to do it! Best of luck with finding a human therapist, as this monster certainly does not deserve your time or your dime

I agree that you shouldn't pay any more money just to have this T defend her horrible behaviour and dismiss you. Certainly send her an email. but i would make sure it expresses that you dont' like her behaviour but remain courteous, i think you will be happier you did that than if you fire off a nasty email that might make you feel good short term.

she's really awful. i hope this doesn't ruin your idea of what therapy can be like. i think you'll be astounded at the difference when you get a new T.

I would get well, make an appointment, and go in and discuss it with her. I do not go to therapy for other people (sick friends, rude therapists) and if I have something to say to another, I want to talk to them in person if I can. I cannot comment on your therapist's tone or point of view but I found nothing wrong with her words/the interactions you describe.

Her behavior is dismissive, ABUSIVE and UNprofessional. I would tell her. Unfortunately, as with any other profession, there are bad therapists, and what is really so scary, there is no way to know until you meet with one, and then the damage is already done.

I might tell her she is in the wrong profession; no empathy, listening skills, etc.

I might also tell her you plan to write to the professional board she is a member of (if she is) Of course, this is up to you. You are paying for a service you are not getting

Nicole

I would email her and first of all tell her you didn't appreciate her tone and her lack of concern or the *****y comments and tell her you are so upset that you are coinsidering never coming back. Just to see if she will apologise or would be willing to change her attitude with you because I can see that she is more concerned about filling her schedule and keeping her regular income coming in so personally I don't think you will get anywhere with this this witch. And, I certainly would not pay her anymore to listen to her snide comments-no way!

Sounds like she definitely needs to be reported to someone! Good heavens I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

This is so awful! It's terrible to hear stories like this. I'm so sorry you had to put up with this woman. I agree with others I would not meet with her face to face. You don't deserve any more abuse which is all you'd get with this so called therapist. I see a lot wrong withthe interactions you've been having, on her end obveously!
I would send her the e-mail just to be clear and let her know your position. I agree with saying the no further contact thing and also saying you think she's in the wrong profesion which she is! I remember when I discovered that I was in an abusive relationship with an unethical therapist it was so hurtful. I felt like contacting every one of her clients and giving them a big warning!
There's an organization, TELL Therapy Exploitation Link Line. I would contact them. You could get support from others who have been there (although unfortunately we see several cases just on this board alone of situations like this) and also get ideas about reporting.
If this woman is a licensed psychologist social worker, mental health counselor ETC then she can be reported to a board and held accountable. Unfortunately if she is an unlicensed therapist as mine was, there's little to be done at least in MA where I was at the time.
I hope this isn't your first ande only experience with therapy. When you're ready I hope you can find someone who is truly caring and helpful.

Thanks for your reply. Have you read my others posts? Just curious, because this woman has been NOTHING but unprofessional and rude. She even once threw a piece of paper at my feet, instead of handing it to me. It has been nothing but insult after insult. And her tone was completely rude and insulting. And to say "This has been going on a long time" instead of asking me how I was feeling - not acceptable. Then to snip at me later in the conversation? It was the last straw. How on earth is that not objectionable? It certain is in my book. My delivery person at a local restaurant has expressed more concern. I respect your opinion, but totally disagree. Sorry.

I am really sorry you had to go through all of this. I am not sure I would feel safe enough to go see her in person(I do not know how you feel) so I would send the email and as others have said, ask/tell her that you want no further contact. You have a right to protect yourself and keep yourself safe and I congratulate you for standing up for yourself.

I concur with ((((Butterflies)))) do not give this person one more opportunity to hurt you. I would even go so far as to block her from my email...abusive, rude people like this do not like to be called out on their inappropriate, unprofessional or nasty behavior so they will continue to try to manipulate in order to try to make you feel as if it is you, they are fabulous and you are the one that has the problem.

They absolutely refuse to take responsibility.

Please be gentle and kind with yourself...you have done nothing wrong. It is OK to stand up for yourself too. Just dont give her an other opportunity to invalidate or abuse.

You are worth so much more!

Rose

I read back through your prevous posts, just to refresh my mind on what you had said and I am appaulled. She has no right to treat anyone like this and to be in a profession were she is supposed to 'do no harm', she certainly is doing plenty.

As someone who has studied much in this field, I would urge you to definately not return to this woman and to please report her to a Therputic governing body because it is likely she is doing this with other clients and it is very abusive.

She has no right (at all) to tell you what you can, and cannot talk about, it is totally against what therapy is about. She is belittling you and your issues and is being so unethical that she deserves to be repremanded.

It sounds like she will not be the sort to turn around and apologise and you have told her that you have found her behaviour unacceptable so I don't think it would be a good idea to email her, appart from a quick message to say you will not be returning and maybe a brief note why. Then my advice is to report her.

I am with the other's I wouldn't waste my money on another appointment with her. I would personally write a letter an snail mail it to her. Email is so, not even sure of the word. I think spending on just the stamp would be worth it, not sure what postage is in the where you are it is 61 cents in Canada.

I think she will get the idea with something that is a hard copy. Just my opinion.

LoneWolfie

I say "write it!" and enjoy doing it. What a b****.

Only you can prevent neurotypical jerkiness!

Am somewhat confused. Is this the same one you meant in the attracted to therapist thread?