[peaches100]

As some of you may know, my t is retiring from her job and going into part-time private practice. She only has until the end of this month before she leaves. So right now, she's packing up her office while trying to get things set up for her transition. I've been trying to be patient, knowing this period of change will be difficult for her, as well as for me. But I'm finding that, as time goes on, I feel less and less like my future therapy and t relationship are something i can count on. Everything feels up in the air.

For starters, she said she'd try to get on my insurance, but we haven't heard back from them yet. If she can't be a preferred provider, I will have to reduce my sessions from 4 per month down to 2 per month. That alone has me feeling anxious.

To add to that, we've been emailing back and forth trying to find a new appt time that will work for us once she starts her private practice. She's only working 2 half-days and 1 full day, and it feels almost impossible to find something that will work. Then recently, she told me she wasn't going to be available for 2 weeks in September. While i understand she will be gone for family stuff, it just comes as a a bad time.

Because of all this, I've been feeling really uneasy and afraid that things aren't going to work out to continue therapy with her. I'm really attached, so it's causing alot of anxiety. I've been telling her alot how anxious i am, etc.

So yesterday, i started feeling bad that i've been bugging her so much about being anxious and scared about this transition. She has tried to reassure me that things will work out, but i still feel nervous. Everything feels up in the air. Still, i apologized yesterday to her in an email -- saying that i'm sorry if i have been putting too much pressure on her at a time when she is probably already struggling to get things packed up, terminate with patients, get her practice established. I tried to show empathy with what this is probably like for her, because i felt maybe i've been pretty selfish in continuing to bug her about my needs and fears. She replied with thanks for my empathy.

But then this morning. . .she left me a message, asking if i could change my appt time today. For some reason, now i am back to feeling horrible again! I've already been putting up with so much uncertainty lately. Why did she have to ask me to change my appt time today too?

Like i said, i know she has alot going on, and i want to be flexible. But it's starting to feel like i can't count on anything right now! I could change my appt time, but it means having to leave work earlier and take more leave (I work full-time). I need something to stay the same right now! I'm not good with so many changes going on. I don't feel safe when there's nothing certain i can count on with my therapy.

I replied to my t, telling to go ahead and just cancel my session if she needs my appt time for something else. I told her nothing is feeling stable to me right now anyway. But i know she's transitioning. It's nobody's fault, it can't be helped. But i feel like crap.

She's been telling me lately that i'm imagining a worst case scenario when i express fears that maybe it's not going to work out for us to continue therapy together. But with everything up in the air, do you blame me for feeling uneasy?

I don't think anyone could possibly blame you, peaches. How you're feeling is totally understandable. I hope your therapy situation settles down quickly and becomes stable again.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I would be feeling very upset and unsettled as well. I hope things settle for you soon.

[taylor43]

I hate change too ((((((((((Peaches)))))). Keep posting here i really hope things will work out for you to keep seeing your t and hope you do not have to cut down your sessions. Im sorry your hurting so much, i would too!

[Butterflies Are Free]

This would feel really hard for me too... I am sorry about all of this.

[Sannah]

This is the inner child reacting to all this? The adult you can handle it though.