not talking in therapy

Basically what the post title says...I look at the ground, I pick at my cuticles, I sit indian-style on the couch with a pillow in my lap, I attempt to make entertaining small talk about my job and my travels in Africa. I sit in silence and then comment on how awkward it is (which I am hoping he will read as: 'please, for God's sake, help me out here! Just SAY something!').

Anything but doing therapy.

The more I don't talk, the harder I find it to talk about anything important (literally, I can't think of ANYTHING to talk about, even though I know I have plenty of things to talk about).

I think my therapist is starting to get frustrated with me! He is always encouraging me to think of something that feels safe enough (important but not too scary), but I'm pretty sure nothing except my job and my dog and my functional, above-board life (not my secret, self-hating, freaked out life) is OK.

Tips?

I did what you describe for the entire 1st year that I was with my current T. I'm not sure what switched. She started hinting around and would say things like "If we are going to work on stuff then I need you to feel safe enough to talk in here" She pegged my resistance, but instead of working against it -she was kinda just rode the wave with me. Then I just opened up. I also started making list and bringing them -then reading off the list. Usually those conversations led to more deep stuff.

I do this a lot too, sit and say nothing, even though my mind as constantly chattering away. I make sure and wear nail varnish just so I can pick it off. Can you ask your T if you can write to him/her, you could find that easier? I have a problem talking to her, or generally talking about difficult things without crying so maybe writing it down what you want to say might be of some help.
Btw, if your T is getting frsutrated, I would look for another one...its their job to be patient and gain your trust so you will feel safe to open up. I always say sorry to T after a session where I sit in silence and she always says "Button, its ok, no need to apologise, this is your time to spend how you like with, if you want to sit there and scream its fine or sit in silence thats also fine..just know that I am here and supporting you in your choices...she also says that I can email her something if I found it difficult to say.

Maybe it is time to write about the real issues at let the T read it or read it to your T as a way of finally contronting the real issues and stopping all the avoidance. Share just a paragraph at a time even as a start.

I've heard before that one of the most important things in therapy is the relationship. Before diving into difficult stuff the relationship has to develop, you have to truly feel safe and psychologically you need to be prepared to handle whatever issues you are talking about. If you rush, therapy could be traumatizing so do not push yourself. There is no wrong way to do therapy. If you have to sit awkwardly in an office every week for six months talking about your dog that's ok! You are still there and that is your job to be there and to show up every week. If you want to talk about something 'tough' and just can't get the words out, try doing it a little bit at a time. Do not push yourself to go fast because it can be painful. You probably have so many secrets, once they are out in the open with your therapist you will feel so relieved but I was in your spot once, and I got angry and frustrated with my therapist - in the end things worked out. Just remember there is no wrong way to do therapy, you and your therapist are finding your own way.

I'm sorry this is difficult for you.
If you really want to push the envelope you could try writing something for your T... but even then you have to hope T asks the right questions so you can be open. I always wished my T would ask me things and be more verbal!

Good luck

Thanks, guys. Writing things down is a strategy that has worked for me in the past (actually I write a lot now, but I never bring that with me to therapy). But I may do it anyway...I got so frustrated last week that I decided that I just needed to make notes and bring them because when I get nervous I forget everything I thought about (and everything about the session the week before).

If I'm realistic, my therapist is probably not frustrated with me...I'm frustrated with me, and I just assume that he will be, too. He's been consistent about telling me that it's OK and that he's not impatient with me but if he doesn't say it a thousand times in a session I start to not believe it (probably if he did, I still wouldn't believe it!).

(((hugs))) Its not easy to remember things in session, especially when T's put you on the spot with random questions you haven't planned on. So it might be a good idea for you to do some homework, for example write down what you would like to talk about or what is bothering you the most that you can't talk about.
The written word can be very powerful and expressive when you can't talk about something! This is your therapy Athena, it is up to you how is goes or maybe you can tell T that you would like him to start the sessions and maybe that will make you feel more comfortable if he directed it, or you emailed him what you would like to talk about before you session. Just a suggestion, good luck

I really agree with writing. It can be helpful to both you and your T. But go at your own pace too. You can even talk about how it's hard to talk.

Here's how I got started: instead of saying what was hard and scary to say, I talked about how scared I was to say it. We spent many sessions talking about why I couldn't say anything, how scared I was of T's judgement and my other reasons. Gradually, I felt safe enough to shove a sentence or two in about the "real" issues. It did get easier.

I write all the time especially here on PC and an online journal. But I lose my thoughts once I'm in T's office. Many times I'll bring a list of things to talk about or bring something I wrote and I'll read it to T.

It does get easier with time. I'm much better than I once was but I'm still working on it.

youve got to write it down and bring it in. if you cant read from your list, give it to T to read...maybe you just need that little nudge?