[MASIMO]

A while ago, my T said he would love to take me to a third world culture where the natives have no word for anxiety...an experience he has had. It was mentioned casually, I just laughed at the idea of me in the jungle. But since then it has crossed my mind that he said.. ,when he retires. Like he has actually thought of doing this with me when it would be acceptable. This comment sometimes feeds My need to be with him. I would follow him anywhere. Not sure where I am going with this. I'm just surprised he would mention his retirement .

[CantExplain]

T talking about retiring is a powerful trigger for abandonment.
My T hasn't mentioned this (and she managed to avoid answering when I asked), but we have talked about what would happen if she died.

[autotelica]

I don't have abandonment issues, but lately I can't stop thinking about my therapist retiring. She never talks about it, but she's in her mid 70s. Everyone else her age is retired. She's not working as much as she used to. Her breaks have been more frequent, it seems. Why wouldn't it be on the forefront of my mind?

Yesterday, while thinking about stuff in her office, I started thinking about how I wouldn't be able to cope without her. I asked, "What will I do when I have to stop seeing you?" and she said, "You never have to worry about me letting go of you!" Comforting words...but lies! And yet lies that I still somehow believe because not believing is way too painful.

It's messed up that I went to therapy to learn how to attach to people and now I have to learn how to detach.

[pbutton]

My new T mentioned how relaxing it would be to move into a retirement community. He was then quick to tell me that he was nowhere near retirement. I wasn't worried about it, but thought it was a nice thing for him to "catch" and correct. It shows that he knows the kind of stuff that goes through client's heads. He gets it.

[critterlady]

My T has assured me that he's not even thinking about retirement. He's in his late 50s, but I'm pretty sure his kids are not yet in college, so he's probably going to have tuition bills for quite a while yet.

i ask my t every so often, i want to be the one to leave first, not him telling me he is retiring. been seeing him too long to have him leave first. its gotta be me first.

[Wren_]

Is retirement something that is coming up in the near future for your t? Or just far off discussion for him

I suspect my T might be retiring in a couple of years. I think I would like to know some time ahead - I wouldn't want to have it sprung on me as a surprise a month in advance. Maybe the reason your T mentions it, MASIMO, is to give you time to prepare mentally?
Oh, and please tell your T that just because a language doesn't have a particular word for something, it doesn't mean that the speakers don't have the concept. It' a lovely thought to want to bring your patients to a country where anxiety doesn't exist, but if your T actually believes that the lack of a word for "anxiety" in a language means that the speakers cannot feel it or talk about it, he is mistaken.

[TheWell]

My T is retiring next year and I'm struggling with huge abandonment issues about it. I wasn't supposed to know so early. Another T let it slip. I wish I didn't know. I'm struggling with it.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Can you ask your T if he is planning on retiring soon?

[MASIMO]

Originally Posted by Butterflies Are Free

Can you ask your T if he is planning on retiring soon?

I wasn't sure up until now. And not when he made the comment. But he has re-upped his lease for another five years, so I think he plans on retiring then.

This wasnt' so much about him retiring as that he mentioned taking me away somewhere.
Is this him just being whimsical...I think so. He also tells me he would like to take me to jump out of a plane, and things like that. I know he is somewhat serious, but he knows I would never do any of this stuff and I just laugh it off. Going off into the jungles of Bornio doesn't sound like a fun time to me! Even if he were with me.

[pbutton]

Masimo, are you trying to get us to tell you that your T feels a certain way about you? I get that feeling from a lot of your threads.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by pbutton

Masimo, are you trying to get us to tell you that your T feels a certain way about you? I get that feeling from a lot of your threads.

That is also the feeling I get from your threads. If I'm not mistaken, you've said before that you have strong erotic transference for your T, and that you'd like to think he feels the same way about you.

From what you've shared before, your T does seem to use a lot of flowery language and metaphors that leave room for over-analysis, reading in, and misinterpretation. But, from what you've shared, I've never seen anything that seems to cross the line or seems beyond client/T. He seems to care a lot about you and he seems to really want to help you-- but it sounds like his statement about taking you to a faraway place where there's no anxiety is just a metaphor. It does not sound as though he meant it literally. It seems like a normal T thing to say. However, if you aren't sure how he meant the comment, why don't you ask? It seems like you would have less anxiety if you asked your T directly how he means these kinds of comments and how he feels about you. It's better to know than to wonder.

[MASIMO]

I think my T is extremely brilliant and Maybe somewhat eccentric. Which could contribute to his communication style. I do ask him to clarify himself a lot in therapy. He has the ability to get me to think outside of myself. Maybe i just need help with interpreting him.

[crazycanbegood]

I hope you're able to work through your transference.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by MASIMO

Maybe i just need help with interpreting him.

Have you asked him if he is romantically interested in you? I think that would help with your interpretation.

[lostmyway21]

All this talk about retirement makes me thankful my T is 37 with a two year old.