[scorpiosis37]

I had T today and, while I was in T, my doctor called me on my cell phone. While I normally would not take a call during T, I took the call because I was waiting on the MRI results to determine whether I have *incurable disease* (which my biological mom has) or whether it's something else. The doctor told me that she had the results, but she would not discuss them over the phone (like she did with all of my previous test results). While I had an appointment already scheduled for later this week, she asked me if I could come in first thing tomorrow morning. It's never good when a doctor says "no this can't wait." The good news: I was able to hang up the phone, and talk to T about it on the spot. The bad news: I won't have T there with me when I learn the results tomorrow. She did, however, say I could call her after my doctor's appointment. I really appreciate that-- but seeing how much it helped to have T sitting there when I talked to the doctor today, I wish she could be there tomorrow, too. Or I wish my dad or my sister lived near me so that one of them could go to the appointment with me. I had a friend offer to go with me, but she's not the person I want there. She would make me feel worse, not better. Under normal circumstances, I might ask my girlfriend to go with me, but things between us are not good right now. She has been very unavailable and distant lately, and it just doesn't feel as though she is invested in the relationship anymore. I told her that we needed to talk, and she's been making me wait and wait and wait. I was going to tell her about my health situation this past weekend, but she was unable to make time for me. Now, we finally have a day/time scheduled to sit down and talk, but I'am afraid that the outcome is going to be a break-up. If she says she wants to end the relationship, I'm not even going to bother telling her about my health situation. Anyway, if I find out I have *incurable disease* and I lose my girlfriend all in one week, I don't think I'm going to be standing come the weekend. I mean, I know I'll have to get through it, but it will very, very hard. And T will be gone next week, too.

[Chopin99]

I'm sorry you have to hear the news alone, Scorp. That is tough. I'm glad your T will let you call her after you hear the news. I hope it's good news, but if it is bad, I hope she will be a helpful support. You seem to be a tough woman and wicked smart, but getting bad health news and losing your partner in the same week would be difficult for anyone. If you need anything, PM me.

I'm not very good with these types of things, but we will be here for you. I can't even begin to imagine that news and losing a partner. But chin up, you have yet to hear what the doctor has to say or your girlfriend. God will give us no more then we can handle.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow morning. Please update us as soon as you feel up to it.

[unaluna]

(((scorpiosis)))

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

Anyway, if I find out I have *incurable disease* and I lose my girlfriend all in one week, I don't think I'm going to be standing come the weekend. I mean, I know I'll have to get through it, but it will very, very hard. And T will be gone next week, too.

((ScorpioSis))

I think you would be morally entitled to take a couple of days off just to cry.

PS: Good luck!

[Wren_]

is there anyone else who could go with you? i've found that when i hear medical things that are serious it often goes in one hear and out the other ... if there isn't ask the dr to write things down if you need to; i'm glad you can call T after and share things with her (still hoping for good news for you)

[scorpiosis37]

Thanks everyone for the responses! I really appreciate it. I'm having so much trouble concentrating on anything productive right now, and it's helping to just read the responses to my thread

Originally Posted by CantExplain

((ScorpioSis))
I think you would be morally entitled to take a couple of days off just to cry.

Thanks, Can'tExplain. Morally entitled, yes! Realistically-- not an option. I'm editing a book right now and rushing up against a hard deadline. I can work from my kitchen table in my yoga pants, but I still have to put in 10 hours a day.

Originally Posted by tigergirl

is there anyone else who could go with you? i've found that when i hear medical things that are serious it often goes in one hear and out the other ... if there isn't ask the dr to write things down if you need to; i'm glad you can call T after and share things with her (still hoping for good news for you)

Thanks tigergirl. There's no one else I would *want* to go with me. Since the people I feel comfortable with are unavailable (family out of state, 2 best friends out of town now), I would much rather go alone. I feel taken care of when my dad or my T treats me in a parental/protective way, but I don't like it when other people act that way towards me. I realize that they're trying to help, but it makes me feel suffocated and plowed over, and I prefer to be independent. I do just fine on my own, and I know when to call my dad, or my T, or my best friend when I do need their support. I'm also very familiar with medical terminology and I have a good memory, so there's no need for me to write anything down. I'm not scared about the appointment or about the diagnosis, either. I'm just having a lot of anxiety waiting for the appointment. I'm having trouble concentrating or thinking about anything else. Talking/writing about it is the only thing that seems to be helping right now...

[Wren_]

That's good you know you'll be ok with the medical side; as far as anxiety now ... please keep talking as much as helps

I also understand the "who" of taking someone with you part; unless it was my sister i wouldn't take anyone to one

[InTherapy]

Hi Scorpiosis.

I have no idea what to say to you. But you said reading responses help. So I had to put something.

I guess the only thing I can say is, we're all here for you and I hope things get better soon.

[anilam]

OMG I so hope for the best- maybe it's still a good news and the doc, knowing how hard is it for someone in your situation to wait, gave you the earlier appointment just to relieve your suffering. I personally like to know things, even if they're bad, as soon as possible. Hate the waiting.
Great of your T to offer the call- her being there would be better but at least it's stg.
I do understand you wanting to go alone- I prefer it that way myself, if the right ppl can't come it's better for me to go alone and call/text/mail... them afterwards.
However, regarding the situation with your girlfriend- can't she react that way because she feels stg is wrong with you/your relationship and doesn't know what it is/is afraid to ask? Like postponing the discussion because she's afraid of what will come of it?
If you really care for her try and share this with her- at least that's what I would do if I were in this situation.
Take care and please, let us know how it went. I'll be thinking of you.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

Granted, I think my bio mom's biggest problem is her mental illness not her physical illness

I would hang on to that and to the 35 years. Wishing you good support in your doctor.

[ECHOES]

I'm glad that you can call your therapist after your appointment.
Sending good thoughts to you, and many hugs!

Thinking about you.

Scorp -Hugs hugs and more hugs.

[pbutton]

Thinking of you.

[SallyBrown]

I can relate to what you're saying about being alone. I attribute the success of one of my longest friendships to the ability of my friend and me to leave each other alone at the right times.

I'm sorry this is all so tough -- both diagnosis-related stuff and other stuff. It's a lot to handle. But you've always shown a great deal of poise and courage on these boards, and you mentioned before that you felt your positive attitude would give you a better outcome even if it turns out you have this progressive illness. Those are wonderful things, and not that I think you believe otherwise, but I did still want to say that it seems to me you're the kind of person who will make things ok no matter what.

Thinking of you today...

[WikidPissah]

(((scorp))) thinking of you!

Thinking of you, scorp.

[scorpiosis37]

So I slept one hour last night; I was too anxious to sleep. I was exhausted but I got up, got ready, and left the house. As I was pulling out of the driveway, I got a call that my doctor was not there today; she's on vacation. They asked if I could reschedule for after she gets back from her trip! I said no and explained the situation and got an appointment with a physician's assistant. She didn't really know how to interpret the neurologist's report, but she handed it to me, and I do. The results were not 100% conclusive, but its almost certain that I have *chronic incurable disease.* The results basically ruled that in and ruled everything else out. The next step is to see a specialist for further evaluation. They told me I couldn't get an appointment for several weeks, but I tend not to listen to other people and do things for msyelf... so I managed to get a 9am tomorrow. I called my dad, then my sister, then my best friend, and then my T and talked to each of them. I'm feeling okay; just diappointed that the results are not "definitive." It's pretty certain, but I'd like to be 100% sure before I take any action. I haven't seen the specialist yet but, from my medical knowledge, the next step should be a spinal tap...

[mixedup_emotions]

((( HUGS )))

I can only imagine how scary this is for you...and how frustrating today must have felt. I hope you are able to do something nice for yourself today. You must be exhausted....

So sorry to hear it wasn't good news. Hope you're holding up

Your doctor asked you to come in this morning and then she goes on vacation?
I'm so sorry that happened on top of everything else. That's just not acceptable behaviour for a doctor.

Well done on calling people and on getting an appointment.

scorpiosis, I am sorry the results were not definitive. Good for you for just going ahead and getting your own appointment! Please keep us updated; we're all thinking of you.

[anilam]

I don't know what to say- just that I'm sorry.


...and your doc sucks.