[TheConfusedSpouse]

My spouse and I started couples therapy a year ago. Spouse only attended a few sessions after which spouse claimed the therapist took my side and refused to ever go back. I went for a few months by myself and due to changes in insurance I have not been now for several months. When I decided to finally just pay out of pocket to continue with the same therapist, I called to schedule an appointment and the therapist told me my spouse has now been seeing her so she is no longer able to see both of us. What?? I was shocked. Spouse refused to go before and I went for months by myself and now that, really?! I politely then asked her how I might get copies of my records. She demanded that I tell her what for. I simply said that I want to view them for my personal knowledge and to give a copy to a new therapist. She strongly voiced her opinion of how that is not something she is comfortable with. She said spouse has to give consent for records to be released. It just seems odd that she can see my spouse but not me after meeting with me for months and having loads of my personal information.

I'm hoping that someone here can help me to understand what my options are for obtaining copies of my records if my spouse refuses (positive spouse will not give consent just to be difficult). The therapist told me and my spouse when we went to therapy that information shared was between the three of us because it was couples therapy. I'm now uncomfortable that she knows my life story and is only meeting with my spouse. It seems fishy to me. Do I have the right to not let spouse see that therapist since we met with her together before? It's like my spouse stole my therapist, haha.

Thank you for your help in advance! Much appreciated!

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by TheConfusedSpouse

My spouse and I started couples therapy a year ago. Spouse only attended a few sessions after which spouse claimed the therapist took my side and refused to ever go back. I went for a few months by myself and due to changes in insurance I have not been now for several months. When I decided to finally just pay out of pocket to continue with the same therapist, I called to schedule an appointment and the therapist told me my spouse has now been seeing her so she is no longer able to see both of us. What?? I was shocked. Spouse refused to go before and I went for months by myself and now that, really?! I politely then asked her how I might get copies of my records. She demanded that I tell her what for. I simply said that I want to view them for my personal knowledge and to give a copy to a new therapist. She strongly voiced her opinion of how that is not something she is comfortable with. She said spouse has to give consent for records to be released. It just seems odd that she can see my spouse but not me after meeting with me for months and having loads of my personal information.

I'm hoping that someone here can help me to understand what my options are for obtaining copies of my records if my spouse refuses (positive spouse will not give consent just to be difficult). The therapist told me and my spouse when we went to therapy that information shared was between the three of us because it was couples therapy. I'm now uncomfortable that she knows my life story and is only meeting with my spouse. It seems fishy to me. Do I have the right to not let spouse see that therapist since we met with her together before? It's like my spouse stole my therapist, haha.

Thank you for your help in advance! Much appreciated!

She probably can't give you information about another person but why wouldn't she be able to give the information about you, and black out the other stuff when she photocopies it?

[Syra]

BRAINSTORMING

I'm not sure that seeing your husband is a violation of anything, but her responses are really odd and would make me curious.

Find a friend or pay a lawyer for an hour's (or less) worth of time to draft a letter officially asking for copies of your records (not the couples work). Or write your own letter first and wait two weeks before getting an attorney to write a follow up letter.

TAke the money you would have spent for a session and hire a P.I.

Find a new therapist, and sign an authorization for them to get your records (and when you are hiring someone, find someone who is willing to let you see your records).

I don't know if you are entitled to them, but if you are, you don't need to give a reason why you want them.

Have you called the local professional organization to see if she has behaved unethically?

This doesn't seem odd to me. When you saw her before, it was as a couple. Of course your spouse should be asked for their consent. If my husband tried to get the records from when we were in couple t together, I would be very upset if the t handed them over without asking me. It's much more than blocking out my name- the whole therapy was about us as a couple. If you really want them, just ask your spouse to give consent- not that big of a deal.

As far as your spouse seeing the t without your knowledge, that isn't too uncommon- I know of a few people on this board who don't tell their SO that they are in t. That is someone's right. And if the t is seeing your spouse, she is quite within her rights to refuse to see you separately. Tis is also very common, although not written in stone.

Since you saw the T as a couple, you husband will have to give permission for any information concerning those sessions.

You should be able to get the information about your own private sessions.

It is odd that this T was willing to see your husband after you had been seeing her independently if now she is saying she can't she you because she is seeing him independently. That doesn't make sense unless she has changed her policy sometime in this process, or unless you formally terminated with her when you ended your own therapy with her which opened the possibility up for your husband.

It is not uncommon for some therapists and pdocs to not see family members individually; that is their personal "rules" although there is no legal rule about such things.

[krisakira]

Doesn't it go against patient confidentiality to tell you that your spouse has been seeing the therapist?

[krisakira]

Plus you can always get copies of your records. It just might take a while.

Originally Posted by krisakira

Doesn't it go against patient confidentiality to tell you that your spouse has been seeing the therapist?

It seems like it does. What an odd situation.

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by krisakira

Doesn't it go against patient confidentiality to tell you that your spouse has been seeing the therapist?

It is, unless the spouse signed a release allowing it.

[Mike Mover]

Originally Posted by TheConfusedSpouse

My spouse and I started couples therapy a year ago. Spouse only attended a few sessions after which spouse claimed the therapist took my side and refused to ever go back. I went for a few months by myself and due to changes in insurance I have not been now for several months. When I decided to finally just pay out of pocket to continue with the same therapist, I called to schedule an appointment and the therapist told me my spouse has now been seeing her so she is no longer able to see both of us. What?? I was shocked. Spouse refused to go before and I went for months by myself and now that, really?! I politely then asked her how I might get copies of my records. She demanded that I tell her what for. I simply said that I want to view them for my personal knowledge and to give a copy to a new therapist. She strongly voiced her opinion of how that is not something she is comfortable with. She said spouse has to give consent for records to be released. It just seems odd that she can see my spouse but not me after meeting with me for months and having loads of my personal information.

I'm hoping that someone here can help me to understand what my options are for obtaining copies of my records if my spouse refuses (positive spouse will not give consent just to be difficult). The therapist told me and my spouse when we went to therapy that information shared was between the three of us because it was couples therapy. I'm now uncomfortable that she knows my life story and is only meeting with my spouse. It seems fishy to me. Do I have the right to not let spouse see that therapist since we met with her together before? It's like my spouse stole my therapist, haha.

Thank you for your help in advance! Much appreciated!

I don't understand why your therapist can't see the both of you.

My wife and I have been in marital therapy for about a year, and our T has seen us individually separately as needed.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Mike Mover

I don't understand why your therapist can't see the both of you.

My wife and I have been in marital therapy for about a year, and our T has seen us individually separately as needed.

A therapist can't see both parties if there is a conflict of interest between them-- the most obvious conflict being that one of them wants to get out of the marriage. It seems to me that if one partner has been seeing the therapist in secret, that probably shows that there is a conflict just based on that fact.

[Mike Mover]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

A therapist can't see both parties if there is a conflict of interest between them-- the most obvious conflict being that one of them wants to get out of the marriage. It seems to me that if one partner has been seeing the therapist in secret, that probably shows that there is a conflict just based on that fact.

That's good information and makes sense. I didn't even think of that scenario.

[unaluna]

Am I the only one who thinks the OP is the husband, not the wife? Not that it matters.

[stopdog]

I saw a therapist for short while, a phd who had been head of the psych dept. at a local university for awhile, who would see couples and each as an individual as well as seeing them after the broke up or while they were breaking up. She actively solicited such a thing (I saw her when breaking up with someone - she told me to bring in soon to be ex in order so she could have both of us together and individually - did not happen). She did not care what either party thought about her still seeing the other.
I think it depends on what the therapist is comfortable with and what the parties are too. I see one now who would see both partners individually as long as both agreed and if both did not agree, she would not see either.

[unaluna]

Sorry I was being sexist there.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by hankster

Am I the only one who thinks the OP is the husband, not the wife? Not that it matters.

I agree that the OP is deliberately trying to obfuscate which gender they are. Not sure if that has any clue to which they are.

[Eliza Jane]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I agree that the OP is deliberately trying to obfuscate which gender they are. Not sure if that has any clue to which they are.

I thought maybe they were a same sex couple?

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Eliza Jane

I thought maybe they were a same sex couple?

Good point.

[TheConfusedSpouse]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

She probably can't give you information about another person but why wouldn't she be able to give the information about you, and black out the other stuff when she photocopies it?

I have wondered that too. I don't want his information, just my own.

[TheConfusedSpouse]

Originally Posted by Syra

BRAINSTORMING

I'm not sure that seeing your husband is a violation of anything, but her responses are really odd and would make me curious.

Find a friend or pay a lawyer for an hour's (or less) worth of time to draft a letter officially asking for copies of your records (not the couples work). Or write your own letter first and wait two weeks before getting an attorney to write a follow up letter.

TAke the money you would have spent for a session and hire a P.I.

Find a new therapist, and sign an authorization for them to get your records (and when you are hiring someone, find someone who is willing to let you see your records).

I don't know if you are entitled to them, but if you are, you don't need to give a reason why you want them.

Have you called the local professional organization to see if she has behaved unethically?

Thanks for your response! I'm going to call my local professional organization tomorrow to find out if she is being unethical. I will go from there. I know that I have the right to view my records so I will likely write a letter to her office requesting the records and if I'm denied, I will do as you suggested and hire a lawyer to right a letter for me.

[TheConfusedSpouse]

Originally Posted by lucydog

This doesn't seem odd to me. When you saw her before, it was as a couple. Of course your spouse should be asked for their consent. If my husband tried to get the records from when we were in couple t together, I would be very upset if the t handed them over without asking me. It's much more than blocking out my name- the whole therapy was about us as a couple. If you really want them, just ask your spouse to give consent- not that big of a deal.

As far as your spouse seeing the t without your knowledge, that isn't too uncommon- I know of a few people on this board who don't tell their SO that they are in t. That is someone's right. And if the t is seeing your spouse, she is quite within her rights to refuse to see you separately. Tis is also very common, although not written in stone.

Spouse will not give consent for records to be released. The main issue is that I was seeing the therapist individually for months after my spouse stopped going and now that my spouse is going, the therapist won't see me. I am glad my spouse is going to therapy but I do not like that my spouse is going to the therapist I had seen for months and now I have to find a new one.