[Hope-Full]

Hi PC friends... I need your help. I am in midst of this process called "growing up" and have been challenged to create my own definition of being a "grown up" or "adult" (as we never really stop growing!)

I would be so appreciative if you could read the two questions posted here and share any thoughts you might have? (Preferably on the blog so I have em all in one spot.)

My hope is in reading other's responses, I'll be able to formulate my own.

Thank you in advance for your help!!

(here's the direct blog link which will take you to the same place as clicking on "here" above:
http://my-purple-dreams.blogspot.com.../grown-up.html

Originally Posted by Hope-Full

Hi PC friends... I need your help. I am in midst of this process called "growing up" and have been challenged to create my own definition of being a "grown up" or "adult" (as we never really stop growing!)

I would be so appreciative if you could read the two questions posted here and share any thoughts you might have? (Preferably on the blog so I have em all in one spot.)

My hope is in reading other's responses, I'll be able to formulate my own.

Thank you in advance for your help!!

(here's the direct blog link which will take you to the same place as clicking on "here" above:
http://my-purple-dreams.blogspot.com.../grown-up.html

A grown up could be someone who for example would not be affraid to admit that they don´t know the answer to a question or topic. This does not come across as a school thing, so the grown up thing to do could be discuss that you don´t have the answer in T? It´s like we can copy a paper or ask our parents for help so we can hand in the perfect paper. That would be a childs way to cope in school. An adult would just say sorry I don´t know ...I am not perfect we have to maybe process this a bit more since this is therapy an I acknowledge that I am not there yet and not afraid to say I can´t do it. Therapy is not about making good grades.
I can give you a textbook reply but I am an " adult" still in the process of growing up too. I would have hated an be stressed out with that question but it is a clever and relevant one. Hope someone can give you some input, just remember therapy is not about perfect paperwork really or handing in the right thing you think your T wan´t to see or hear..it is about you learning from others but processing and being able to formulate things and experiences in your own words and terms.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Hope-Full

Hi PC friends... I need your help. I am in midst of this process called "growing up" and have been challenged to create my own definition of being a "grown up" or "adult" (as we never really stop growing!)

I would be so appreciative if you could read the two questions posted here and share any thoughts you might have? (Preferably on the blog so I have em all in one spot.)

My hope is in reading other's responses, I'll be able to formulate my own.

Thank you in advance for your help!!

(here's the direct blog link which will take you to the same place as clicking on "here" above:
http://my-purple-dreams.blogspot.com.../grown-up.html

To me, the big downside of being grown up is responsibility.

[stopdog]

I was never afraid of the thought of being grown up. I always, for as long as I can remember, wanted to be grown up. I cannot remember ever liking being a child. I hated being a child and would not go back to being one for love nor money. I think it means having a sense of autonomy and being responsible for oneself and accepting the consequences of decisions one makes along with an understanding that most of the time one makes, or tries to make, the best decisions one can at any given time with the information available to them at that time.

[Victoria'smom]

rown up to me means being physically and mentally able to juggle a home, family, friends, and a job in a healthy, happy way. Physically, an adult to me is anyone over the age of allowed drinking age. Being an adult Mentally means that person knows how to cook, clean, hold a job and keep housing. Emotionally developed adult can have healthy relationships in their interpersonal relationships including family, friends, and co-workers. Emotional development also includes the ability to keep a long term job and enjoyment in life.

People fear the change that's involved with grown up or that they are not ready for the responsibilities involved in growing up.

[growlycat]

Adulthood means to me, taking care of your own needs while taking care of others, whether family, friends or community. It's the healthy balance of both that define adulthood for me.

[Hope-Full]

Thanks for all the replies! If you're just now reading this thread and want to reply, you can post on my blog anonymously, if you'd prefer

lonelybychoice - I like your analogy to the perfect assignment in school, I hadn't thought of that! T asked it more as a rhetorical question, but still, it totally stumped me, because I thought I WAS "grown up" in that I DO have responsibilities (bills, job, mortgage, etc) but then T pointed out some other things that are much more mental and emotional, and those areas? Definitely still not even close to grown up!

CantExplain - I agree. But since that's more tangible, I kinda don't mind the responsibilities, they are easy to check off the list.... it's the rest of the stuff - yuck!

Stopdog - Funny thing - when I was a kid, or more likely an adolescent, I was done being a kid. I already had way too many grown up responsibilities so I just wanted to grow up and move out. But once I did that, I realized what I missed in growing up and yuck. This really resonates with me: "most of the time one makes, or tries to make, the best decisions one can at any given time with the information available to them at that time."

Miguel'sMom - I got the physical part, but the mental part? Those are lessons I skipped - still dont' know how to cook, and I hate cleaning, but do it the best I can cause I hate a dirty house. Emotionally is where I struggle the most - relationships really. Good points you bring up!

Growlycat - I'm working on that, and try to remind myself of that line from the movie View From the Top that the flight attendants say - put your own mask on first then help those next to you - or something like that. And balance - key!

Thank you everyone for responding! Please keep em coming! I will post my work-in-progress answer as it formulates

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Hope-Full

"most of the time one makes, or tries to make, the best decisions one can at any given time with the information available to them at that time."

This is true and wise - but oh so cold!

[KazzaX]

For me, being grown up means being self sufficient. You don't need your parents anymore, you can acquire all your necessities all by yourself and dont need to lean on anyone (unless you are in an extreme circumstance ofcourse). I think growing up physically means your body is matured to an adult status. Mentally and emotionally (same thing) maturing means you emotionally are self sufficient and know how the world works, and you do not require your parents to get through lifes up and downs anymore.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

This is true and wise - but oh so cold!

Really? I don't see it as cold at all.

I like being grown up. I never wanted to be a child and still don't.

Originally Posted by Hope-Full

Hi PC friends... I need your help. I am in midst of this process called "growing up" and have been challenged to create my own definition of being a "grown up" or "adult" (as we never really stop growing!)

I would be so appreciative if you could read the two questions posted here and share any thoughts you might have? (Preferably on the blog so I have em all in one spot.)

My hope is in reading other's responses, I'll be able to formulate my own.

Thank you in advance for your help!!
(here's the direct blog link which will take you to the same place as clicking on "here" above:
http://my-purple-dreams.blogspot.com.../grown-up.html

Hi I have just copied something for you taken from a specialize treatment where this is the overall goal for the client....( Just to help you with that paper... ).......It mentions an healthy adult wich I think is what your T is referring to when asking what it means to be a " grown up"?? Though this therory does set the goals somewhat high.... This is the copied part:. The "healthy adult" is good with decision-making and problem-solving, rational, flexible, nurturing, comforting, appropriately assertive, ambitious, sets limits and boundaries, aware of their self-worth, enjoys/partakes in healthy adult activities, takes care of his/her physical and mental health. The "healthy adult" forgives the past, is able to life in the moment and remain focused on the present day, views the future with hope and strives towards the best tomorrow possible, does not view the self as a helpless victim but rather as a survivor, and views difficulties in terms of challenge.

Maybe this can help you...Hugs

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Really? I don't see it as cold at all.

I like being grown up. I never wanted to be a child and still don't.

Same here.