[livie15]

Some of you may have seen my post about how last week I had my first breakdown- breakthrough - in therapy. I'm losing sleep over it! It was such a relief to melt down and let some of my many built up tears come out. But now I don't want to talk about it- T said in an e-mail she wants me to process the pain I went through. Crying in therapy is so confusing. How can I feel so comfortable to cry with my T yet so humiliated and ashamed at the same time?

Again, this is a vent post. But if anyone wants to vent back or give me some advice?

I understand this. Two thoughts that spring to my mind: first, you can tell your T if you do not yet feel ready to process the pain, if you feel you need more time. And maybe you can talk about why you have a hard time talking about it? Sort of one level removed? Second, it is possible (not at all certain) that if you have a really catharctic session the following session(s) may seem a little disappointing. I have experienced that, and from what I've read, other people have, too.

Losing sleep is tough, it makes things much harder. I listen to audiobooks in bed when the stressful painful thoughts get too much for me. That does help me sleep. Maybe it's something that might work for you?

[CantExplain]

I've lost plenty of sleep over my therapist.
That was years ago, thank goodness.

Originally Posted by livie15

Some of you may have seen my post about how last week I had my first breakdown- breakthrough - in therapy. I'm losing sleep over it! It was such a relief to melt down and let some of my many built up tears come out. But now I don't want to talk about it- T said in an e-mail she wants me to process the pain I went through. Crying in therapy is so confusing. How can I feel so comfortable to cry with my T yet so humiliated and ashamed at the same time?

Again, this is a vent post. But if anyone wants to vent back or give me some advice?

Wow just read your other post that you was referring to in this thread. Your T sounds really great and you sound like you are doing amazing work.

I can say there is no shame in crying and don´t feel humiliated an so on, because there is no need to. I won´t do that because it it will sound " corny" though true

I will say that I loved the way you descreibed your experinces and a meltdown-breakthrough. This is really great. And this is what therapy is sometimes all about and you acknowledge the fact that sometimes it takes a meltdown to have a breakthrough. I know you are still hurting, crying, not getting any sleep.

I think if you tell your T that you are loosing sleep on this one she will act accordingly and not push you " over the edge". No therapist wants us in a " I did not have any sleep and are in a painfull state , for long anyway"

You are dealing with some hard stuff, "just" let her know how you felt afterwards and she will be able to balance the whole thing, so you are not too overwhelmed at once and do get some sleep and rest between sessions, then you might be able to talked about it again bit by bit. Hugs

[elliemay]

Maybe you could try to think of crying as a symptom and not act. It's an indicator of sadness really.

Would you feel ashamed about letting your doctor see a sore throat? Of course not! They need to see it in order to help it!

The expression of emotion, despite what you have learned, despite what they tried soooo hard to teach you, is a very very human thing. We get to do it and its okay.

If you're sad, people should see it. People should know it. It matters. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of at all.

I'm not minimizing how you feel, please don't take it that way, just simply saying that shame is not a burden that is yours to carry. It belongs to the people who put it on you. Give it back.

[livie15]

Quick update- Yes, I went to T this morning. We talked about how what happened was perfectly okay, and how she thought nothing of it, other then that she was proud and happy that I felt comfortable enough to let go. I mentioned how hard the week after had been and we decided to have a "chat session", where we just talk like normal people.
Probably not another "digging deep" session, but it helped greatly to relieve my anxiety and I feel so much better about getting back at it next week.

Hugs to everyone who answered!

That's brilliant Thank you for letting us know!

[seanpary]

Everyone goes through this stage at one point or the other. Don't bother so much. Its okay. If You can't sleep read some books or so.