Psychotherapy>welcome to the couch! people of PC psychotherapy (all welcome) part 10

Hank - sorry you are sick

Chopin - glad about your job. If you have cable - there may be exercise shows or yoga shows to watch. There are on mine on non-premium channels. Not as fun as going outside to exercise, but can help in a pinch. My partner started watching an exercise show for little old ladies (she is very thin and was in her 30s at the time without a single defined muscle as far as I remember) and used little tiny juice cans for weights until she worked up to 1 lb and then 3lb real weights. It was fascinating to watch. She kept with it and now bikes to work and stuff.

I want T.

Okay. Crying over. Sorry just had a mini meltdown there. Really trying hard to not text her. These every other week appts are a long wait.

Texting is a bit too needy for me. I would rather throw up than text. Usually it is weekly. I am making a choice not to check with the woman. But if the woman is on vacation or just off or just whatever, my insanity should not intrude. I keep calendar on my phone so adding a date and whatever as leaving is not usually something I can do (I need reading glasses to add stuff - which I don't usually have with me at therapist appointment -and am not good at typing on phone in general and could get it wrong even then I am usually so in a rage) I did it to myself. I could have checked the next day and did not so now it is my responsibility to deal with my anxiety and if wrongly accused, it is not the first time I would be unable to prove innocence.

Stopdog,I am so sorry this is giving you such anxiety. I only suggested text as it should be immediate...

SD: appoint today or no? I forgot.

Stopdog, are you more afraid of her saying "you screwed up" or her simply thinking it? You obviously aren't being rude, and I would think your record of showing up all the time would predominate any accusatory thoughts.

Great now I need to find a new couch... everyone's going all healthy and exercise on me... TTGB wanna split some cheetos?

Hey gorgeous miss size 12, stop tempting my minions!

Probably part of me believes the anxiety/throwing up is justifiable punishment for me not completely remembering correctly and since I know I get like this, for not checking sooner. Or a justifiable punishment for just being how I am. I just have to deal with the anxiety myself. Having the therapist answer would create a whole other set of anxiety over having shown her I am an idiot who needs constant reassurance and cannot even keep a calendar and she will mock me secretly if not openly and she has enough ammunition without me giving her more. If I am wrong, then I will just have to deal with it. It is okay. I am just surprised at how strong my reaction is to the idea of being wrongly accused (or accused for wrong reason - I will have screwed up - just not intentionally). Inconceivable.

thanks Wiki, that made me feel good ( my looks are an issue for me ) but the fact is I'm still in a few 14's. I am thinking about making some better choices though...just don't take away all my meat lovers.

I'm sure I wasn't the only one trying to figure out what a "Foot Nazi" was! ROFL

She is not your mother and you are a far cry from being an idiot. You are entirely too hard on yourself and I can guarantee she isn't mocking you behind your back. I messed my appointment time up once, showed up an hour early...felt like a tool...but you wouldn't have thought or told ME I was an idiot, right? So why are the rules different for you? If i choose to punish myself for my mistake , again you would tell me that is not necessary nor acceptable. S H I T happens, we are getting older...we forget things it doesn't make you less or wrong ...it makes you human.

Oh, and getting ready to leave for t shortly. My entire swim this morning I was having an imaginary conversation with her about changing my appointments due to the new job. Not sure I'm ready for the real conversation. Part of me is afraid that the other 't' word will come up, 'termination' of course, because I have made a ton of progress and am such an overall happier person. I've learned SO much from her and I know I could continue the work we've done on my own, the dream work and active imaginations and sand play even, it just wouldn't be the same without her input, and I must admit of course that I will miss her like crazy when the time comes!!!!! <-- will be me if she brings it up today. Well if I am going to eat anything even resembling a healthy breakfast I best go do it now before I leave for t. Toodles everyone.

Ok. You know that I relate to you often and strongly, right?

That said - this seems like a lot of distortion. There's not a reason to be punished for forgetting an appointment, particularly one that involves a change in routine. I can't come up with any reason for her to mock you. It would just be a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes.

Wolfin and Lola- It's a basic fiction novel that's been floating about my head for six months and I finally decided to start getting it out of my head. Wrote a prolouge kinda of thing last night. When I told the receptionist here ar work about it she said "That sounds really dark!" The novel's not dark. I just needed to set the stage for why the house is "cursed." I think this is why Stephen King tells you to not share your novel until the whole thing is written out in first draft.

Stopdog - I am sorry the appointment thing is causing you anxiety. My t always gave me a card and I kept them in my purse to reassure me of the time. Then she stopped and one week I freaked and had to call to confrim my time. It was more nerve racking to call to confirm than some of my actual sessions have been.

Hankster - sorry you are feeling ill.

Lola - did you say Cheetos???? Quick pass them to me before Wiki gets them Just kidding. I appreciate all the healthy food stuff too. Today is tuna salad on whole wheat with lettuce and an apple. (I am really starving and what I'd really like is a giant burger...but that would involve going out for lunch and I never leave for lunch.)

Yes stopdog, I can understand that. Mistakes aren't allowed. The mere thought of someone thinking badly of me sends me into total digestive distress. I hope you will give yourself a break though.

Wow! Lots of posts this morning and my mind is spinning with all the info that's been posted. You guys are all a bunch of chatty people!! For someone that doesn't talk all that much, it's kinda overwhelming (but, I LOVE IT!!)

So....... because I lack in the social graces, can I just tell you all that I've read what you said. I'm happy or sad for you, I totally understand where you're coming from, there ought to be an In-law daycare for visiting family and ANXIETY SUCKS!

I'm thinking about all of you this morning- hope you day and your T appointments turn out well today.

HUGS!

Is that Cheetos you said. Pass it here!!! Pass it here!!!!

Mama Chia blackberry hibiscus, flaxseed crackers, hummus, and an apple. (with some zofran on the side).

Hey Lola, I brought my niece to McD's a few weeks ago, and I was so tempted to eat a cheeseburger. They smelled so good.

I was just thinking, session 2...do you think she's going to do one of those gosh darn family tree things? Ick. My family is huge, it will take the whole damn session. Yuck.

Phew. My boss emailed back and confirmed my inital interpretation of his email was correct. We are on the same page thank goodness.

The county fair runs this Thursday-Monday where I live. It's three blocks from my house! All manner of foods on a stick available plus this little stand that sells teeny weeny donuts. I must eat good the rest of the week so I can have one day of pure greasy goodness this weekend. We walk around a lot (it's a really big fair) so some of it gets burned off.

I have never had one do a family tree thing.
What do they do them for?

I don't mind being thought of badly if I intend something, but the accidental or surprise wrongedness is not something I enjoy. Thinking I am right and then being wrong is an upsetting thing for me and then to add the other thinking something for the wrong reason sends me for a loop. I am having trouble articulating what my underlying deal is. It is not like I am all that nice to her usually.

T's ask for family trees?
I guess that makes sense. I used to tell t about people but I would never use their names. Looking back it was probably a nightmare for her to keep track of.

Whats a family tree thing, I never had to do that? On another note, I was watching Big Bang Theroy last night and Leonards mom reminds me in a bad bad way of my XT.

She creeps me out too.
But I do love the episode where they get her drunk.

The thing is - I am sort of a combo of sheldon and leonard's mother.