[Chopin99]

Trigger warning for brief mention of religion.

Today's session was really dull in every way, shape, and form. I talked about my "quadripolar" week:

Thursday after session: I cried and was angry but I still wasn't sure why.
Friday: I was depressed but forced myself to do a "trust exercise" with H and his best friend.
Saturday: I was still depressed and told H "I have to get out of the house!!!!!" So we went out of town with friends and had a blast.
Sunday: I was in a much better frame of mind and we got with friends and grilled out and played games.
Monday: That work went to hell in a handbasket to the point that I thought I might lose my job and I went home and prayed for something to happen.
Tuesday: That boss had received a call from VR who wanted to meet with us the very next day. I realized it might be an answer to prayer.
Wednesday: That we met with VR and they want to fast-track us as an SE vendor. Then I was sure it was an answer to prayer.
Today: I was okay.

She talked for a bit about faith and God answering prayer. She told me about a friend of hers who literally was living by faith. I must say, I was impressed with the friend's level of faith.

She asked me if I had processed anything. I told her I purposefully had not. I said that I had brought my partially finished exercises from The Emotionally Absent Mother. I simply read the questions and my answers. It only evoked one set of questions from T:

1. Can you say anything positive about your mother?
I said that she cared about me in her own way and she really tried, but her depression got in the way and that she was a "nice" person, but I didn't know if it was genuine or not.
2. Can you say anything positive about your mother that doesn't end in a negative?
Not right now.

I asked why she asked those questions. She said they were simply information-seeking.

One thing that was nice was when I started the last set of questions for the session, T asked if I would be bothered if we had to stop in the middle. I looked at the clock and it was 5:03 by her clock. However, I knew it ran fast. The last 3-4 sessions, she has ensured session was over when the "big hand was on the 12". She said, "Don't worry, we still have time, that clock is fast." I asked if we needed to go ahead and stop and she told me to continue. So I did, and she didn't interrupt.

She asked me at the very end if I thought these exercises were helping me. I said I wasn't sure. I told her I realized I was reading them like an automaton with no emotion. I asked if she thought I should continue. She said it certainly wouldn't hurt because maybe something would come out of it for me if I continued.

She gave me a very little hug and we walked toward the waiting room. She said, "I'm tired." I said, "You look tired." She said, "It's because I'm tired" (with a straight face...unusual for her). She had a 5:00 appointment who was late.

For one, I recognize I have made progress in my therapy experience; T was definitely "off" and I have not had a thought assuming it was me. I always assume it's me. That is a good thing.

T was wearing a dress (a rather short one given her age and weight), but I realized when she got up at the end of session, her stomach looked distended. I wonder if that's why she wore the dress. She said she still had a scratchy throat, which she's complained about for the past 3 weeks. She asked me if I realized when she said a while back that she's had a "runny nose" since she stopped chemo last October that she has actually had a runny nose since last October. I told her I was sorry she had to deal with that. She mentioned a couple of sessions ago that she has had 7 UTI's since her reconstruction surgery in May. She has also not taken any vacation time since I started seeing her last March. She also moved 3-4 weeks ago. They did not sell their house, they are renting it out. She's now seeing 5:00 clients. She said a few sessions ago that her husband tends to work 6 12-hour days a week as a real estate appraiser.

I'm a bit worried that T is burning out; if she and her H are working too much, if they are in financial trouble, or if T's health (mental and/or physical) is getting the best of her. I wonder what (if anything), I should do. I know it's her business and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help, but I do care and want her to know I care. I don't know if I should ask her next session (next Wednesday), send an email (she probably wouldn't respond...but at least let her know I'm thinking about her and she's in my prayers), or just leave it alone.

What do y'all think?

Originally Posted by Chopin99

Trigger warning for brief mention of religion.

Today's session was really dull in every way, shape, and form. I talked about my "quadripolar" week:

Thursday after session: I cried and was angry but I still wasn't sure why.
Friday: I was depressed but forced myself to do a "trust exercise" with H and his best friend.
Saturday: I was still depressed and told H "I have to get out of the house!!!!!" So we went out of town with friends and had a blast.
Sunday: I was in a much better frame of mind and we got with friends and grilled out and played games.
Monday: That work went to hell in a handbasket to the point that I thought I might lose my job and I went home and prayed for something to happen.
Tuesday: That boss had received a call from VR who wanted to meet with us the very next day. I realized it might be an answer to prayer.
Wednesday: That we met with VR and they want to fast-track us as an SE vendor. Then I was sure it was an answer to prayer.
Today: I was okay.

She talked for a bit about faith and God answering prayer. She told me about a friend of hers who literally was living by faith. I must say, I was impressed with the friend's level of faith.

She asked me if I had processed anything. I told her I purposefully had not. I said that I had brought my partially finished exercises from The Emotionally Absent Mother. I simply read the questions and my answers. It only evoked one set of questions from T:

1. Can you say anything positive about your mother?
I said that she cared about me in her own way and she really tried, but her depression got in the way and that she was a "nice" person, but I didn't know if it was genuine or not.
2. Can you say anything positive about your mother that doesn't end in a negative?
Not right now.

I asked why she asked those questions. She said they were simply information-seeking.

One thing that was nice was when I started the last set of questions for the session, T asked if I would be bothered if we had to stop in the middle. I looked at the clock and it was 5:03 by her clock. However, I knew it ran fast. The last 3-4 sessions, she has ensured session was over when the "big hand was on the 12". She said, "Don't worry, we still have time, that clock is fast." I asked if we needed to go ahead and stop and she told me to continue. So I did, and she didn't interrupt.

She asked me at the very end if I thought these exercises were helping me. I said I wasn't sure. I told her I realized I was reading them like an automaton with no emotion. I asked if she thought I should continue. She said it certainly wouldn't hurt because maybe something would come out of it for me if I continued.

She gave me a very little hug and we walked toward the waiting room. She said, "I'm tired." I said, "You look tired." She said, "It's because I'm tired" (with a straight face...unusual for her). She had a 5:00 appointment who was late.

For one, I recognize I have made progress in my therapy experience; T was definitely "off" and I have not had a thought assuming it was me. I always assume it's me. That is a good thing.

T was wearing a dress (a rather short one given her age and weight), but I realized when she got up at the end of session, her stomach looked distended. I wonder if that's why she wore the dress. She said she still had a scratchy throat, which she's complained about for the past 3 weeks. She asked me if I realized when she said a while back that she's had a "runny nose" since she stopped chemo last October that she has actually had a runny nose since last October. I told her I was sorry she had to deal with that. She mentioned a couple of sessions ago that she has had 7 UTI's since her reconstruction surgery in May. She has also not taken any vacation time since I started seeing her last March. She also moved 3-4 weeks ago. They did not sell their house, they are renting it out. She's now seeing 5:00 clients. She said a few sessions ago that her husband tends to work 6 12-hour days a week as a real estate appraiser.

I'm a bit worried that T is burning out; if she and her H are working too much, if they are in financial trouble, or if T's health (mental and/or physical) is getting the best of her. I wonder what (if anything), I should do. I know it's her business and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help, but I do care and want her to know I care. I don't know if I should ask her next session (next Wednesday), send an email (she probably wouldn't respond...but at least let her know I'm thinking about her and she's in my prayers), or just leave it alone.

What do y'all think?

I don't think it would hurt to let her know you are thinking, worried and care about her. You might not get a reply from your T but I think she will appreciate your concern. Just the fact that she tells you things about her health makes me think she wants you to care about her. I think maybe she is feeling a little vulnerable after her chemo and because her husband works such long hours she is feeling neglected and wants someone to care about her, she is only human too. Even T's need love sometimes

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by button30

I don't think it would hurt to let her know you are thinking, worried and care about her. You might not get a reply from your T but I think she will appreciate your concern. Just the fact that she tells you things about her health makes me think she wants you to care about her. I think maybe she is feeling a little vulnerable after her chemo and because her husband works such long hours she is feeling neglected and wants someone to care about her, she is only human too. Even T's need love sometimes

Kinda funny you say that. She's always talking about her 842 friends. You'd think they'd help a little. Through her whole cancer battle (the majority of which was last year), her H was right by her side. I wouldn't think she's desperate for support.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

Trigger warning for brief mention of religion.

Today's session was really dull in every way, shape, and form. I talked about my "quadripolar" week:

Thursday after session: I cried and was angry but I still wasn't sure why.
Friday: I was depressed but forced myself to do a "trust exercise" with H and his best friend.
Saturday: I was still depressed and told H "I have to get out of the house!!!!!" So we went out of town with friends and had a blast.
Sunday: I was in a much better frame of mind and we got with friends and grilled out and played games.
Monday: That work went to hell in a handbasket to the point that I thought I might lose my job and I went home and prayed for something to happen.
Tuesday: That boss had received a call from VR who wanted to meet with us the very next day. I realized it might be an answer to prayer.
Wednesday: That we met with VR and they want to fast-track us as an SE vendor. Then I was sure it was an answer to prayer.
Today: I was okay.

She talked for a bit about faith and God answering prayer. She told me about a friend of hers who literally was living by faith. I must say, I was impressed with the friend's level of faith.

She asked me if I had processed anything. I told her I purposefully had not. I said that I had brought my partially finished exercises from The Emotionally Absent Mother. I simply read the questions and my answers. It only evoked one set of questions from T:

1. Can you say anything positive about your mother?
I said that she cared about me in her own way and she really tried, but her depression got in the way and that she was a "nice" person, but I didn't know if it was genuine or not.
2. Can you say anything positive about your mother that doesn't end in a negative?
Not right now.

I asked why she asked those questions. She said they were simply information-seeking.

One thing that was nice was when I started the last set of questions for the session, T asked if I would be bothered if we had to stop in the middle. I looked at the clock and it was 5:03 by her clock. However, I knew it ran fast. The last 3-4 sessions, she has ensured session was over when the "big hand was on the 12". She said, "Don't worry, we still have time, that clock is fast." I asked if we needed to go ahead and stop and she told me to continue. So I did, and she didn't interrupt.

She asked me at the very end if I thought these exercises were helping me. I said I wasn't sure. I told her I realized I was reading them like an automaton with no emotion. I asked if she thought I should continue. She said it certainly wouldn't hurt because maybe something would come out of it for me if I continued.

She gave me a very little hug and we walked toward the waiting room. She said, "I'm tired." I said, "You look tired." She said, "It's because I'm tired" (with a straight face...unusual for her). She had a 5:00 appointment who was late.

For one, I recognize I have made progress in my therapy experience; T was definitely "off" and I have not had a thought assuming it was me. I always assume it's me. That is a good thing.

T was wearing a dress (a rather short one given her age and weight), but I realized when she got up at the end of session, her stomach looked distended. I wonder if that's why she wore the dress. She said she still had a scratchy throat, which she's complained about for the past 3 weeks. She asked me if I realized when she said a while back that she's had a "runny nose" since she stopped chemo last October that she has actually had a runny nose since last October. I told her I was sorry she had to deal with that. She mentioned a couple of sessions ago that she has had 7 UTI's since her reconstruction surgery in May. She has also not taken any vacation time since I started seeing her last March. She also moved 3-4 weeks ago. They did not sell their house, they are renting it out. She's now seeing 5:00 clients. She said a few sessions ago that her husband tends to work 6 12-hour days a week as a real estate appraiser.

I'm a bit worried that T is burning out; if she and her H are working too much, if they are in financial trouble, or if T's health (mental and/or physical) is getting the best of her. I wonder what (if anything), I should do. I know it's her business and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help, but I do care and want her to know I care. I don't know if I should ask her next session (next Wednesday), send an email (she probably wouldn't respond...but at least let her know I'm thinking about her and she's in my prayers), or just leave it alone.

What do y'all think?

i am sure she would love to know you care and are thinking of her.if you send her an e- mail will you be sad if she doesnt respond. maybe if you send one let her know she doesnt need to respond

I think she just feels really comfortable with you and is able to take off the "T" hat and be human around you. I would wait until session though to ask her any questions you may have. Just because I think she knows you care.

Originally Posted by Chopin99

Kinda funny you say that. She's always talking about her 842 friends. You'd think they'd help a little. Through her whole cancer battle (the majority of which was last year), her H was right by her side. I wouldn't think she's desperate for support.

I have 576 friends on facebook and only talk to maybe ten of them in RL, maybe your T is afraid to ask her friends for help because of her proffesssion(she is supposed to be strong, caring and be able to help others) She is probably stubborn and won't let them know she is not coping very well but she feels comfortable talking to you about it because you have such a close bond and through the therapuetic relationship we learn to care for each other, people who don't do therapy simply don't understand...
Thats just my humble opinion Choppin

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by button30

I have 576 friends on facebook and only talk to maybe ten of them in RL, maybe your T is afraid to ask her friends for help because of her proffesssion(she is supposed to be strong, caring and be able to help others) She is probably stubborn and won't let them know she is not coping very well but she feels comfortable talking to you about it because you have such a close bond and through the therapuetic relationship we learn to care for each other, people who don't do therapy simply don't understand...
Thats just my humble opinion Choppin

I appreciate your opinion, button. T doesn't do facebook and she is constantly talking about this friend and that friend and she does this and she does that. I'm in the mental health field (I was a case manager...now I develop new programs for the facility) and I didn't/don't burden my own clients with how I felt/feel (although if I don't feel well, I would say so). Then again, I work with IDD and autistic clients, so I may be comparing apples to oranges.

What about a handmade card Chopin, hand delivered next session. To let her know that you love and appreciate her and are praying for her?

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

What about a handmade card Chopin, hand delivered next session. To let her know that you love and appreciate her and are praying for her?

What a fabulous idea! I do scrapbook. Thanks Lola!

[Wren_]

hi chopin ... i like the suggestions lola gave with the card ... a few weeks ago i said i was worried about your T also, from what you were saying then she seemed to be really breaking up/breaking down now with what you say here as well I hope not and that she is getting the help to look after herself

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

hi chopin ... i like the suggestions lola gave with the card ... a few weeks ago i said i was worried about your T also, from what you were saying then she seemed to be really breaking up/breaking down now with what you say here as well I hope not and that she is getting the help to look after herself

You did say that and I've been worried about her for awhile. However, I think we've both been really cautious lately about the relationship, each for our own reasons. I think I might broach it next session with the card and maybe ask if she'll just be honest with me (without revealing more than she wants) about what's going on. Today was the first day she really didn't seem invested in session. She was listening, but not as present as she normally is.

[Wren_]

It's a difficult situation as far as ... the whole that you are caretaking for your T kind of idea and again bringing up more of your boundary stuff but then you do care about her; but then you do also need her present