Feeling successful about not emailing T

rainbow8 · Aug 31, 2012, 11:55 AM

I think it's been about 5 weeks now; I lost track! I emailed my T a few times a week for more than 2 years and then I decided it wasn't good for me. I miss emailing her but I proved to myself that I could succeed. I can wait until the session to tell her my feelings, or even not tell her at all.

It's much harder to give up emailing than going on FB because emailing is something I did regularly, especially on the night of my session. As difficult as my session this week was for me, and as much as I wanted to discuss it with T, I didn't. It looks like I'm practicing distress tolerance even before my DBT class starts.

My T is still on my mind too much but I don't get as stirred up as when I emailed her. It's hard not to email your T when you feel like you need that connection. I see how lostmyway is struggling with it, and others too. I admire those who have worked hard to control their urges to email their Ts too much. We can do it!!

Sannah · Aug 31, 2012, 11:59 AM

Good work Rainbow!!

Miswimmy1 · Aug 31, 2012, 12:11 PM

Great job!!

that is really something I should work on. U r an inspiration

taylor43 · Aug 31, 2012, 12:30 PM

Good job! Very proud of you (((Hugs)))

granite1 · Aug 31, 2012, 12:42 PM

good work rain

Chopin99 · Aug 31, 2012, 12:46 PM

You are doing really well here lately Rainbow. If I may be allowed to say so, I'm proud of you!

Aug 31, 2012, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rainbow8

My T is still on my mind too much but I don't get as stirred up as when I emailed her. It's hard not to email your T when you feel like you need that connection. I see how lostmyway is struggling with it, and others too. I admire those who have worked hard to control their urges to email their Ts too much. We can do it!!

I am crazy impressed. 5 weeks? Wow.

I am not controlling my urges.....

I feel like a junkie on heroin. e-mail is my quick fix. How do you go cold turkey?

struggling2 · Aug 31, 2012, 12:56 PM

when u guys email your t's is it for connection as in getting the response from them or is it because you've just got so much flying around in your head that you need to get out instead of carrying around til next session?

Aug 31, 2012, 01:04 PM

I'm proud of you too!! I've said before and it's so true it's a good thing that my T never gave me email access. I'd have overstepped the welcome a long time ago because well, I love to write and email is just tooo easy. So I still write everything I would email, I just bring it to session with me. Most of it. Although I must admit to snail-mailing her a letter twice. Cuz I didn't want to wait to share.

Wren_ · Sep 01, 2012, 12:21 AM

that's great if you can see not emailing her is making a difference rainbow

Sep 01, 2012, 01:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by struggling2

when u guys email your t's is it for connection as in getting the response from them or is it because you've just got so much flying around in your head that you need to get out instead of carrying around til next session?

definitely the need for connection. but sometimes my head is crazy too, and i write that. but mostly just the connection.

adel34 · Sep 01, 2012, 12:45 PM

Hi Rainbow,
So proud of you! You're doing such a great job of doing this now, imagine how much better things will be once you start the DBT class?
Keep up the good work!

franki_j · Sep 01, 2012, 04:43 PM

Wow, that's great! IDK if I could do that. Great job!

rainbow8 · Sep 01, 2012, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chopin99

You are doing really well here lately Rainbow. If I may be allowed to say so, I'm proud of you!

Aw, Chopin. Of course you're allowed to say so and that makes me feel good!

Quote:

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

I am crazy impressed. 5 weeks? Wow.
I am not controlling my urges.....
I feel like a junkie on heroin. e-mail is my quick fix. How do you go cold turkey?

Therapy is my quick fix, and email was part of that. My current T is the only one of 5 who allowed email, and it was wonderful for me because I always have a lot of feelings after my session. My T used to write me back too. It was the best thing that ever happened to me, therapy wise!

Then I became frustrated with some of her replies. When I'd write about my feelings, she'd write back something very brief and wouldn't address everything I wrote. I'd feel worse than if she hadn't emailed back at all. So we tried having her write something brief and positive no matter what I wrote. I didn't like that either. Then we decided it would be better if she didn't email back at all, but I could email as much as I wanted to. That worked well until about a month or 5 weeks ago when I got some "tough love" from this forum! Honestly, as upset as I was with that thread, it gave me the push I needed to start making some changes. I told my T I wouldn't email her anymore and she agreed. I did it because emailing made me obsess about her and therapy too much. It was an experiment because if I wanted to go back to emailing, we'd discuss it and it would be an option. But it's helping me so I'm keeping it up! There are a few exceptions, like T emailed me on my birthday, I emailed her to tell her about the birth of a grandchild, and I'll send her forwards or photos if I need to. No discussion of my feeliings about her or therapy though. Schedule change emails are allowed too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by struggling2

when u guys email your t's is it for connection as in getting the response from them or is it because you've just got so much flying around in your head that you need to get out instead of carrying around til next session?

All of the above reasons are true for me. I loved getting the responses from my T. It showed she cared about me, but I know now that she cares without emails. I also felt there was too much to keep inside of me untl the next week. I wanted her to know my reactions to the session immediately. It made ME feel better for her to know even without a response back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I'm proud of you too!! I've said before and it's so true it's a good thing that my T never gave me email access. I'd have overstepped the welcome a long time ago because well, I love to write and email is just tooo easy. So I still write everything I would email, I just bring it to session with me. Most of it. Although I must admit to snail-mailing her a letter twice. Cuz I didn't want to wait to share.

Thank you! I love to write too, and I agree about how easy it is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigergirl

that's great if you can see not emailing her is making a difference rainbow

Yes, it IS making a difference. I'm learning to wait, to see that it's not urgent to tell my T my reactions to the session. If I wait, the urgency goes away and I can get back to my RL sooner. It helped a lot having her tell me that she doesn't NEED my emails for her to think about me, that she often thinks about me between sessions.

rainbow8 · Sep 01, 2012, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adel34

Hi Rainbow,
So proud of you! You're doing such a great job of doing this now, imagine how much better things will be once you start the DBT class?
Keep up the good work!

Thank you Adel. Yes, I hope that the DBT helps. And yes, my diagnosis IS BPD, along with anxiety and at one time dysthymic disorder I think it's called.

Quote:

Originally Posted by franki_j

Wow, that's great! IDK if I could do that. Great job!

Thanks, franki. I guess I'm getting pretty desperate to stop making therapy so important to me, and this was a first step. I do miss writing her though.