[scorpiosis37]

Has anyone read any good therapy books on maternal transference? I've read quite a number of books on this topic, but none of them even come close to "fitting" my experience. They all seem to be quite heavy on Freudian/ Oedipal narratives, womb/breastfeeding/rebirthing analogies, vivid and disturbing dreams about the therapist, and the eroticization of the maternal/therapeutic relationship. I definitely have maternal transference for my T, but not in any of these ways.

(Explanation: In my view, the Freudian/Oedipal narrative is flawed: it takes a western, victorian, heterosexist, masculinist, nucelar-family narrative (which is exclusively cultural) and tries to locates it as an intrinsic part of the psyche as if were pre-cultural. As a result, for those of us with vastly different cultural experiences (I'm a femme lesbian, I never had a mom, I didn't grow up in a nuclear family, etc) it doesn't work at all. I'm also just not new-agey or crunchy or fuzzy-enough-inside to buy into any of that re-birthing, breast feeding, womb stuff. I love my T-- and I do find her rather snuggly-- but the idea of any "baby" or "child" (or adult) part of me interacting in any way with her womb or breasts creeps me the **** out. I see myself as an adult; I don't feel as though I need to be reborn or re-do my infancy or early childhood. What I really want is for T to be the "mom" to my adult self. I also haven't had any noteworthy dreams about my T. She's shown up a couple of times, but not in any revelatory capacity. Finally, as much as I do feel love and affection for her, it's not erotic. Really, my feelings are just kind of sweet-- like sunshine and rainbows--kind of feelings. Affection-wise, I get adult hugs from her, but sometimes I've noticed that I have the desire for more affection. Like, I wouldn't mind the occasional snuggly "mom" hug, being held when I cry, or a kiss on the cheek/forehead. However, in the books I've read, the desire for physical affection keeps getting equated with eroticism which, at least for me, doesn't fit. In fact, I had erotic transference for a previous T, and that was a completely different experience.)

So, what am I looking for? Books that talk about the therapy relationship between a younger female client & an older female T. Books that talk about the development of the therapy relationship for a client who has never had a mom. Books that talk about the nurturing, loving, and maternal aspects of the T-client relationship. Books that talk about how therapy can be used to meet a client's need for maternal affection-- or how those needs can be directed appropriately in RL (when the client doesn't have a mom-figure). Books that talk about how to work through the fact that T can never totally fill that "mom" role. Books that talk about how to navigate the feelings that arise when T talks about her RL daughters. Books that use case studies/ vingettes with clients who seem similar to me. Anything else others think that would be helpful?

[unaluna]

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=233625 idk if you saw this, not exactly on topic, but covers some of it. not the T's daughters, tho - I have always strongly identified with them. one was even named hankster i bought some art from her.

[Perna]

I'd look into female mentoring if you are not into the child/mother of traditional maternal transference:

http://www.apa.org/monitor/nov00/mentoring.aspx

http://jezebel.com/5856161/where-are...tor-characters

http://swsg.org/getting-a-break-from...emale-mentors/

[Butterflies Are Free]

I bought a great book on Amazon called: The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists. Not sure if it might be what you are looking for - I will check my bookshelf and get back to you because I also had a big interest in this exact topic!

[franki_j]

Hey Butterfliesarefree, just wanted to say that I read your post and was intrigued so I went to the used book store and bought The Bond Between Women and their Therapists. Just wanted to thank you for recomending it, as it is a really great and informative book. Also wanted to say that I think a lot of people on this board would really enjoy it as well!

[kpgirl]

I agree that the book The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists is very good. Many people in therapy develop a maternal transference that isn't erotic, but is experienced as the longing to be soothed, held, etc. While you might not necessarily wish to be a child in the relationship, it's still desiring the kind of comforting that mothers give their children, and which children want when feeling vulnerable (as patients often feel in therapy). It is also thought that the earliest bond between mother and infant is very pleasurable at the physical level, and that it's actually a sensual pleasure, or, a kind of early eroticism (the feeling of skin on skin, for example). So sometimes a maternal transference involves some feelings that seem like sexual love, but it's not exactly a sexual thing.

This book seemed interesting so I headed to amazon.co.uk... what the actual F?! Have you seen the price of this thing?! New copies are going into hundreds of pounds/dollars - WHY?! It's just a book, right?

Cheapest price USED is £22.86... there are some used copies on amazon.com starting from 10 dollars, but shipping blah blah.. managed to order it for a grand total of £15.06 - still more than I like to pay for a book! Better be worth it!

[stopdog]

I got it from the library because it was so expensive. It was an interesting book and there was one part about a disasterous sounding experimental kind of remothering therapy. I found it interesting and horrifying at the same time.

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

This book seemed interesting so I headed to amazon.co.uk... what the actual F?! Have you seen the price of this thing?! New copies are going into hundreds of pounds/dollars - WHY?! It's just a book, right?

Not gonna comment on "just a book" but this is a book published through an academic publisher, which means that the price is unfortunately not at all unusual. Small print runs and highly specialised subject areas. I'm not saying it's a reasonable price for what you get (it's not the kind of book I'd be getting for myself, after all) but it's definitely what you'd expect for a book from this publisher.