[2or3things]

Just wondering...

Are there ever things that you find too private or personal to share with your T? If so, do you find that that changes over time (like you're eventually willing to share what you hadn't always been, or even, I guess, the opposite...that you now clam up about things you were once fine talking about)?

Myself, I'm super-private about my physical health and, to a slightly lesser extent, finances. T asked who my GP is, and I refused to say. I'd actually already told her once, and then later realized that it meant she could easily figure out one of my health issues. She must have forgotten, because she asked again yesterday, and I declined to answer. She seemed more than a little surprised, as she was another time when we were talking and she asked me some question and I said "It's personal."

I think it's always our right to share or not share as we see fit, and that sometimes it makes sense not to share. (In the case above, I know it's just about my issues with shame, having a body, etc., so it's different.) But really, does the idea of "too personal" fit with how you work with your T?

[mixedup_emotions]

Earlier in therapy, I was more willing to share certain things....and now, over 3 years later, I have a more difficult time sharing - and shut down easier - about things that I used to have no trouble talking about.

For me, I believe it has to do with being detached from my feelings about certain things....and now that I am more in touch with my feelings, the topics that were once easier to discuss are now much more difficult.

[junkDNA]

yes there are things that i censor.

[Focus62]

I am very very reluctant to talk about my dating relationships and the intimacy they involve (especially physical intimacy) with my T. My head builds it up like I will be judged or like my T will be visualizing it while I talk, but that is simply not true. It's important to talk about due to my CSA issues, but how the heck do you talk about something as awkward as sex (it's even more awkward cause I'm a college student, perhaps when you're older, it's easier)? That's my problem, it's too embarrassing or even shameful to talk about. In the end, I will usually reveal a little if she asks me about it, just because I know I need to get past this and after all, it is her job and I know I am not the only one out there that she talks with about these things, and that puts my mind at ease a little. They've heard most of it before...just keep that in mind. From what I have revealed to her, she has not made me feel shameful about it which is what I need.

If you find that what you believe is "too personal" to share with your T, is it because you don't want to share it due to the feelings associated with it, or you don't really care to share it because it was of no relevance to the conversation? If it's the former, then I would think it is actually something you should eventually touch on, and that doesn't mean it has to be right now. Let these things come up naturally, I think that's the best way to do it.

[Anne2.0]

I am also very private about my health issues, one that is mild yet chronic I have not shared with T, nor am I sure that I will. It is not, if I am very honest with myself, that the condition itself is so private, but since it is something that is the result of the genetics I inherited, I have some feelings about it. I think I should deal with this, but I'm not ready to.

[struggling2]

for me it seems like the things I would deem personal are the things I need to share the most.

[BlessedRhiannon]

There are things that I haven't shared with T - I either feel they aren't relevant or are too personal. Over time, my view of what is "too personal" has changed, and I'm more willing to share some things with T that I wasn't before.

[SilverGlitter]

If I don't think something is relevant, I don't feel the need to share it with t. Although she sometimes finds links and relevance in things that I sometimes mention as a random side point.

But in terms of too personal, there was a situation where T and I reached some pretty personal topics. And they were really quite personal. But because of the situation, she needed to be there with me (under someone else's orders) and I trust her, so it was okay and I wasn't too bothered by it.

I think this is how it has always been for me and my t.

But I agree with you, it is your right to decide what you share/say to your t. If you don't want to, you don't have to. Of course, if it's something that is definitely relevant to the process, then maybe it would be good to consider sharing but even then, it is still absolutely 100% your decision.

For me personally I am at a place right now with my T where I don't keep anything back. I've been surprised more than once when something I think means nothing ends up meaning a whole lot. So I don't censor myself at all anymore. This is subject to change of course. Because I also agree with SG "it is your right to decide what you share/say to your t. If you don't want to, you don't have to. Of course, if it's something that is definitely relevant to the process, then maybe it would be good to consider sharing but even then, it is still absolutely 100% your decision."

[Miswimmy1]

I tell my t "everything". Nothing is off limits to me, and she agrees to answer any questions I have, regardless of the relevance or importance.

[unaluna]

I did, but I wish I hadn't. I was out of control and really needed help with those issues. shame held me back. it was really dumb and wasteful not to. total acting out. just because my mother couldn't help me, EVER, and always made things worse for me, i've always felt I had to handle things by myself. so I had to totally back myself into a corner again before I could ask T for help. stupid, stupid, stupid. but, at least now i'm getting it (the help), and i'm not dead yet.

[stopdog]

Some things are simply none of her business and unless she wants to explain how I would need to tell her about them in order for therapy to work, I keep some things to myself.

I tell him everything and let him sort it out.

[seventyeight]

for me, just about everything comes out eventually. i have to really take my time with some stuff though, but it gets to a point almost like where my body tells me it's time to talk about it. idk, i guess it's kind of hard to explain. usually, it'll start with, "oh i could never tell her that!" and then i know that's precisely what i should be talking about. and i must say, i've been pleasantly surprised by her (positive) response to anything/everything i've had to say.

[Mike_J]

There is something about my therapist that makes it impossible for me NOT tell her anything/everything.

Means I often walk out of my session with my foot firmly planted in my mouth.

[rainbow8]

I think that financial details are too private/personal to share with my T. Stuff like that. But stuff about me, relating to my history isn't too private or personal. What has always stopped me is the shame, especially talking about my body and physical stuff. Those issues aren't too private. I just think they are, so I have told my T basically everything that I'm ashamed of though there are still a few things that I haven't gotten into with her.

I held back much more with my former Ts. I wasn't ready and I didn't feel as safe with them as I do with my current T.

[Eliza Jane]

I certainly think it is fine for us as clients to have somethings which we'd like to keep private. On the other hand, I think that if there is something you WANT to share then it isn't too private for the therapist to hear. Their job is to hear personal stuff all day long and they should be ready to handle anything.

In the past, when I have felt like something was too private to share, I challenged myself to step back and think about why I thiought it was too private. Sometimes I'd come to the conclusion that I'm just being overly self-conscious or defensive or whatever. Sometimes I'd decided that it wouldn't add to the discussion anyway. (Although usually I'd decide the 1st thing).

Also, I would think that if you find yourself with lots of things feeling "off limits" it is probably time to think about whether this is a good T for you or not.

Best,
EJ

[autotelica]

I'm unabashedly private. But I think it's natural to open the door more and more as you feel more comfortable with someone.

[healed84]

IT is funny, b/c I can share very detailed account of my trauma, but to talk about my "love life" with my H is terribly hard for me. It is something it needs to be talked about though, b/c well my trauma is effecting that aspect of my life. However, it feels way too personal!!

[critterlady]

I've been thinking about this myself lately. In some ways, it was easier to tell my T things early in therapy, because I wasn't attached to him and didn't care what he thought of me. Now, I am attached and do care what he thinks of me, so in some ways, it's harder.

On the other hand, now that I know and trust him more and he knows me so much better, it's easier to talk to him and I'm able to work through the difficulty and tell him things I never thought I could or would talk about.

There used to be things i didnt share with my t. However over the years as i shared scarier and scarier things with her and she reacted so well (warmly, caring, positive etc), that i have been able to trust her with harder stuff.
Plus even if i refuse to discuss stuff, she is a master at getting one of the child alters to tell her stuff anyway, so secrets get out no matter what

I don't think anything is too private for T to hear, ( In other words, I'm sure she heard it all-or almost all) but I do think certain things are too private for me to say. Like I can dive into talking about my H and my private life, but not perhaps every detail of my private life with him. Whatever is off limits is stuff I choose to keep off limits.

[Towanda]

I can't think of a single thing about my life that, in six years, I haven't shared with my T. He makes it easy to talk about anything.

[murray]

This is a tough one. T always says that nothing is TMI for him, that this is what therapy is and that he is comfortable with whatever I bring up. For me though I have a really difficult time discussing "intimacy", finances and some shameful childhood stuff. Sadly I have a feeling I need to be discussing some of the intimacy and childhood stuff as they have been sort of brought to the surface due to recent life events. Let me just say YUCK! lol

[bluemountains]

I am trying, but I can't get out anything about my intimate relationship with my H. There are some problems there, and he has some issues that he has been to therapy for, which affects our relationship. I just can't go there, though. I have completely told her everything about csa, so I don't get my reluctance in to work on this relationship with her.