I'm not even slighted by it. I really feel nothing over it and that's strange. I feel bad that I feel nothing, but honestly therapy makes me feel bad inside. Well the last time I had therapy it did. And the time before that. The time before that wasn't so horrible though. And therapists tend to fall to the wayside, either they get rid of me or I get rid of them. I don't even want to get attached. I've been sort of living my life without therapy and it's been working for me. It's really hard for me to get close to people. I just get overly close to animals.

[Miswimmy1]

It can be scary to be vulnerable. It took me so long. I think you hav to make a real effort to get close to someone. But the longer u isolate yourself, the longer it will take to unisolate yourself. A great match between t and client is that you "click". But sometimes that isn't going to be right away... It takes work. I wish you the best of luck. Give this new t a chance... U may surprise yourself. But if you go in with a bad mindset, you are not going to get the outcome that you want...

[adel34]

Hi Lydia,
I'm sorry the one you posted about last time I was aware of it where you had wanted to go in and say you didn't need them, and we had that whole discussion about it didn't work out. It seemed she'd be good for you, like there seemed a good fit if I remember correctly.
At least you keep trying. I know that's no consolation. It's terrible especially when a therapist isn't together enough to work with someone, or acts so unprofessional you just have to leave.
I hope this one is better!

Ick I don't even remember writing this last night. I hate when I find evidence that I dissociated and I think that I've been doing okay.

Anyway I went to her and it's not going to work out. She doesn't specialize in DID and she said that it's probably why I become so suicidal, because nobody is working with my parts, just the trauma, and they aren't respecting that I have an entire system to work with. Which is what I've been saying for months, but nobody will listen to me. So we found the name of a man who does specialize in DID. The only problem is I have to get rid of my current team (I have 14 days left with them) before I can work with a man. Because my past male therapist is on that team and he has some jealousy issues.

I actually worked really really well with him and did the best with him out of all my therapists. But at the end, when I had to let him go and move on it was terrible for him and it made it even more terrible for me. I got really attached to him, which was strange for me, because males are very scary for me. And him getting attached back, made it very hard to let go properly. So he says I should never work with a male ever again. =/ I mean really he has no say... I just don't want him to get upset.

So I think it would be very beneficial for me to work with a male, because I need to realize they're not all rapists and psychopaths.