[struggling2]

Ive never been a huggy person. My family was never affectionate at all. I dont remember being hugged alot and if I did it was usually by family members outside my immediate family. I would always cringe because I didnt understand affectionate touch. It made me uncomfortable.

Ive been with T about a year and a half. Its been a rough 2 years. She's great and I will forever be indebted to her. I dont remember at what point she started doing this...probably 8 or 9 mos ago...but she hugs me every single time I leave. A very motherly hug. It doesnt matter if it was an intense session or somewhat relaxed. I always get a hug. For a long time I "checked out" during those few seconds. I wasnt scared or uncomfortable. Closeness just does that to me. Its an ingrained "flight" response. Ive tried so hard for a long time to not let those hugs be important. And they still arent the most important thing. The connection I feel with her as she sits across the room and is really "there" with me...is the most important. She knows I have some maternal transference towards her and that there's a big deep hole where my mom was and is supposed to be in my life. Its finally hit me on the head that her hugs are one of her ways of fulfilling what she can of an unmet need. She hangs on a smidgen tighter and longer if it was really rough. And ive tried to think.....what is it about her hugs that are so special. I do hug more people know as im older. Grandparents, Husband, occasionally my own mom, etc. But what makes this person that is not apart of my everyday life so special.

And its because she hugs ME. I dont have to ask for it. I dont have to earn it. And most importantly....its all for me. For my benefit. To make me feel better. Its not mutual in the sense that she needs it too. Pretty amazing.
Pretty healing when you look at WHY they are important not just the fact that I get them.

I completely understand.same here.

[Miswimmy1]

you write that so well. i wish i could relate... thats so nice of your t

[~EnlightenMe~]

Neither my xT or my newT hug, and I am totally okay with that. It would be so awkward for me, it's not something I want. BUT I am really happy that it has made such a difference for the people who want them and the therapists who give them

Originally Posted by struggling2

And its because she hugs ME. I dont have to ask for it. I dont have to earn it. And most importantly....its all for me. For my benefit. To make me feel better. Its not mutual in the sense that she needs it too. Pretty amazing.
Pretty healing when you look at WHY they are important not just the fact that I get them.

Wow. This really "gets" me. It is so so nice that you have this. The only people I hug are my children. I don't remember the last time my H hugged me or anyone else. While I love hugging and snuggling them it is not the same as having someone hug ME.

I am pretty desperate for this, but my T will not hug me.

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by Psychicbaby323

While I love hugging and snuggling them it is not the same as having someone hug ME.

I agree!

[mixedup_emotions]

What a wonderful and meaningful observation!

My T doesn't hug....and I'm not sure I'd want him to. But I did get hugs from other T's, and they were very meaningful to me. Mostly because it wasn't just a formality like most hugs in my family. A "hello" and "goodbye" hug just because it's the normal thing to do, kwim?

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

Mostly because it wasn't just a formality like most hugs in my family. A "hello" and "goodbye" hug just because it's the normal thing to do, kwim?

Exactly, thats how hugs in my family have felt. Kind of detached and lacking substance.