[seventyeight]

it really bothers me when i feel like my therapist isn't being honest with me. i know she's told a few white lies over the years, but it upsets me when i ask her a direct question and she withholds the truth.

in the last few months, she's been using text as a way to confirm an appointment time or for insurance stuff. she's only texted me a handful of times, and i always reply briefly just to answer what she's asking. i've never initiated text myself, i've just answered her. so the other day she called and left me a voicemail to tell me a few things, and then added that she needed to change our appointment time slightly and to let her know if i could make that time. i decided that it was appropriate to text her to confirm, as a) we have used text in that way in the past and b) the voicemail from her was so super sweet and i felt like leaving it that way (like i didn't want to call her again and "ruin" the good note she had left things on, if that makes any sense).

anyway, she didn't reply to my text and it bothered me. the text was a confirmation of the appointment time, but i also thanked her for the voicemail and said that it was great to hear from her. so today in session, i asked her if texting was okay, and told her i was feeling like it wasn't. to my surprise, she seemed like she was irritated that i had texted her, but didn't say so. she mainly reiterated that she doesn't want to use text (or email) as "therapy," and that she wants therapy to remain as it has - in person. i told her i wasn't trying to do that, and she said she knew that, but made it clear again what she wanted. i told her to please tell me if it's ever not okay to text, call, etc. and she said that she would.

i know i'm making WAY more of this than i should, but it's really bothering me that she didn't tell me how she was really feeling. i know her fairly well by now, and can just tell that she was holding back. there have been other times in our relationship that i "intuit" things, and when i check them out with her, i'm completely correct. this is feeling like one of those times.

furthermore, our hugs have been feeling really strained lately. i feel like she's lost that lovin' feelin', and is just hugging me out of habit. i also feel like we haven't been "fitting" very well together lately when we hug. it used to be such a loving/healing thing, and now it leaves me feeling kinda crappy.

both the text thing and the hugs make me think that she's sparing my feelings or something and is just being nice. i know i should talk to her about all of this, but it'll be two weeks until i have session again. i thought it would help to write some of this out, and to see if anyone might be able to relate..

[BonnieJean]

It is probably important to tell t your reaction and how it has started to feel like she's texting and hugging you 'just to be nice.' Sometimes a break in the hug pattern is good, too. If it has been a session where I don't feel like a hug I tell her that before I stand up so there is no awkward moment. When the hugs start again they seem to feel better. t's don't always realize how they come acrossed. at least mine doesn't. I hope you figure out how to work this out.

[~EnlightenMe~]

It sounds like you trust your intuition, so next time I saw her I would bring up the issue and discuss it. Let us know how it goes