[Miswimmy1]

I feel like I'm looking for flaws. For example, she was distant during sessions a few weeks ago, and its better now, but now I continue to analyze everything she says etc, to see if there is any sign of her being distant. I used to always run overtime when my appointment was during school hours; now I am in the afternoon and we either end early or right on time and everytime I leave annoyed. She used to email me back every day, but I feel like her responses lately have been really short, and I am hesitant to continue emailing her cuz I don't want her to get annoyed with me (even tho she always tells me that I'm not annoying and that she loves to hear from me every day). I feel like I'm making things a bigger deal then they are. I feel like I'm trying to find something to accuse her of. But why would this be? I have no interest in "testing" her. But yet I find that happening?

[lostmyway21]

I've been reading your threads and it seems like you ARE looking for flaws in your T. Ever since you first thought she was distant. Are you still trying to prove that she isn't being truthful and is being distant with you? Do you have a hard time trusting her? From what I read I think your T really does care about you and tries hard to prove it. I think you are testing her. Maybe you are trying to see how much she cares? I do that to my T all the time.

Leaving early would make me mad. I would bring that up. Leaving on time? You shouldn't get annoyed for leaving on time. Staying past every session.. is just disregarding boundaries. Do you feel like leaving on time she is trying to get rid of you, because your not being aloud to stay longer? Therefore again being "distant"?

Is what your thinking honestly the reality of the situation? Think about it...Your T says she loves to hear from you right? (which is VERY cool by the way) Don't worry about annoying her, if it was an issue she wouldn't have said that. Emailing you every day is NOT being distant. It's more than most T's will allow. You really need to trust T. She cares about you.

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I've been reading your threads and it seems like you ARE looking for flaws in your T. Ever since you first thought she was distant. Are you still trying to prove that she isn't being truthful and is being distant with you? Do you have a hard time trusting her? From what I read I think your T really does care about you and tries hard to prove it. I think you are testing her. Maybe you are trying to see how much she cares? I do that to my T all the time.

Leaving early would make me mad. I would bring that up. Leaving on time? You shouldn't get annoyed for leaving on time. Staying past every session.. is just disregarding boundaries. Do you feel like leaving on time she is trying to get rid of you, because your not being aloud to stay longer? Therefore again being "distant"?

Is what your thinking honestly the reality of the situation? Think about it...Your T says she loves to hear from you right? (which is VERY cool by the way) Don't worry about annoying her, if it was an issue she wouldn't have said that. Emailing you every day is NOT being distant. It's more than most T's will allow. You really need to trust T. She cares about you.

I know I shouldn't get annoyed for ending on time. And she has only let me out like one minute early before. So I shouldn't be annoyed at that either. But she kinda spoiled me (when there wasn't a patient after me, I would stay like 20 min overtime.) but see, then there I go! I'm blaming her for being nice to me? How does that work!

I know I should trust her. But it's so hard. Everything I have ever trusted in the world has been broken. It hurts too much to trust people...I'm always on edge. She knows that, and she has even called me to tell me how very much she cares for me. But I can't let myself believe it I feel like I can't talk about it with her bc we hav been over it so many times, always the same thing.

Thank u for listening to me. It means a lot. I feel like I've been a hog in the forums.

[Asiablue]

The change in your appointments could have something to do with not getting extra time with her. During the school day, maybe she have a more relaxed schedule whereas in the afternoon her appointments might be backed up.

I sometimes get more time and sometimes i don't. Think it just depends how busy our T's are.
As for the email thing... again my T's emails have became shorter but our relationship has strengthened and i think she now realising that usually i'm just processing stuff and/or reaching out just to connect with her. And she realises i'm ok with her replies.

I think when you have trust issues you are hypersensitive to any changes in routine or a person's demeanour and naturally think it's to do with what they think of you; ie it's because they don't want to spend time with you, they are sick of you, you are annoying them etc etc when actually it's more likely to do with their own stuff.

You are looking for reasons to cut and run because you have been hurt and it's what you expect which is natural BUT you have an excellent T remember that, you are in very good hands.

xx

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I know I shouldn't get annoyed for ending on time. And she has only let me out like one minute early before. So I shouldn't be annoyed at that either. But she kinda spoiled me (when there wasn't a patient after me, I would stay like 20 min overtime.) but see, then there I go! I'm blaming her for being nice to me? How does that work!

I know I should trust her. But it's so hard. Everything I have ever trusted in the world has been broken. It hurts too much to trust people...I'm always on edge. She knows that, and she has even called me to tell me how very much she cares for me. But I can't let myself believe it I feel like I can't talk about it with her bc we hav been over it so many times, always the same thing.

Thank u for listening to me. It means a lot. I feel like I've been a hog in the forums.

Okay now I understand a little better. I came to my T with broken trust. It took me a year of every day reassurance and promises. Until finally last month he called me out on it and told me to stop pushing him away. That he's not the other people that broke my trust and he never will. From that day forward I've trusted him with everything I had because I had to make a conscious decision to believe in him, instead of letting the feeling of my past hurt consume me.

I know believing hurts. It will take a lot of time to believe it. Try saving emails that she sends you and re-reading them to remind you how much she cares. What about a T bear that you can bring to and from therapy so you don't feel distant? You can have T leave you a voicemail reassuring you of the stuff you have a difficult stuff you struggle with? There's a lot you can do.

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

Okay now I understand a little better. I came to my T with broken trust. It took me a year of every day reassurance and promises. Until finally last month he called me out on it and told me to stop pushing him away. That he's not the other people that broke my trust and he never will. From that day forward I've trusted him with everything I had because I had to make a conscious decision to believe in him, instead of letting the feeling of my past hurt consume me.

I know believing hurts. It will take a lot of time to believe it. Try saving emails that she sends you and re-reading them to remind you how much she cares. What about a T bear that you can bring to and from therapy so you don't feel distant? You can have T leave you a voicemail reassuring you of the stuff you have a difficult stuff you struggle with? There's a lot you can do.

I have a voicemail that she left me about things I struggle with. She actually gave me my fav of the stuffed animals in her office to take home with me. I have saved every email that she has sent me. I have every text that she has sent me. I even have letters that she has written to me on paper. She has done very thing to help me and to convince me that she is there and won't ever leave me. But...

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I have a voicemail that she left me about things I struggle with. She actually gave me my fav of the stuffed animals in her office to take home with me. I have saved every email that she has sent me. I have every text that she has sent me. I even have letters that she has written to me on paper. She has done very thing to help me and to convince me that she is there and won't ever leave me. But...

Aw you sound like me. I did all those things...and still it took a year of beating him up for a year and swearing he was going to leave me every single day, for it to stick. I'm sorry it hurts. It will get easier eventually.

[Bill3]

It sounds like you need to know whether or not she is going to be there for you. It is important to find this out, especially after the recent incident in which she was not there for you. How long have you been seeing her?

[Miswimmy1]

ive been seeing her about a year

[autotelica]

I don't know if you're setting her up to make her fail. But I do think you're making it more complicated than it has to be. "Overthinking" is definitely an OCD thing, though.

I have to wonder, Miswimmy1. Do you think that reading about other poster's complicated experiences with their therapists may be influencing your perceptions about yours? I know that when I read about other people's falling-outs with their therapists, I feel more anxious about my relationship. I start wondering if I've assumed everything is going well when it's not. Like, maybe my therapist is feeling X, Y, or Z about me and I'm just too stupid to know it. To be honest, before I started posting here I never once thought that my therapist DIDN'T like me. And now I sometimes think about it and wonder just how sincere she is.

I've started thinking these things just because other posters seem to be thinking so much harder about their therapy/therapists than I do. Maybe this is happening to you.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by autotelica

I don't know if you're setting her up to make her fail. But I do think you're making it more complicated than it has to be. "Overthinking" is definitely an OCD thing, though.

I have to wonder, Miswimmy1. Do you think that reading about other poster's complicated experiences with their therapists may be influencing your perceptions about yours? I know that when I read about other people's falling-outs with their therapists, I feel more anxious about my relationship. I start wondering if I've assumed everything is going well when it's not. Like, maybe my therapist is feeling X, Y, or Z about me and I'm just too stupid to know it. To be honest, before I started posting here I never once thought that my therapist DIDN'T like me. And now I sometimes think about it and wonder just how sincere she is.

I've started thinking these things just because other posters seem to be thinking so much harder about their therapy/therapists than I do. Maybe this is happening to you.

I totally agree with this. Sometimes I take a break from reading posts here because it influences the way I think about me and T's relationship. When I do take a break from PC sometimes my irrational thoughts about our therapy calm down a bit. Maybe your doing the same thing..?

[Miswimmy1]

That's a great idea. I nvr thought once about my relationship with my t before coming here. I feel like its ruining my relationship with my t but at the same time, I can't pull myself away

[lostmyway21]

Do what I did. Just limit yourself to being here for like 10-15 mins at a time when you come on. (I come on several times a day) If I stay in here much longer, my thoughts get away from me and T gets spammed with text/emails. ALL about our relationship.

[autotelica]

If you can't pull away, just try to read everything you read here with a critical eye. Frequently it's much easier to see how someone else's thoughts are distorted. When we can see other people "thinking crazy", maybe that will help us catch ourselves when we're doing the same exact thing ourselves.

[~EnlightenMe~]

((((Mis))))),
You are trying to trust your T, and if you are like me, intellectualizing isn't going to help much. I used to analyze my xT for any hint that he was going to leave, but it wasn't conscious. Even when he told me about it, I couldn't stop. You learned to do this at some point in your life, and feeling bad/ashamed about it isn't going to help. If your T gets annoyed at you for doing this, it isn't going to help. My xT hated when I did this, and I think he was trying to help me when he wanted me to stop, but I suspect that the reason I'm feeling so guarded is that it is a defense mechanism of mine. I'm terrified to be without it. And I'm in so much pain right now thinking that it might have lead to my termination.

[Miswimmy1]

Sorry for bumping this... I'm having a kind of crisis in trust with my t at the moment. I emailed her, and I feel like such a brat. I basically lemented how I thought that I was a big bother and how I just wanted to belong in someone's heart and be thought of, and cared about, etc. basically making my t say what I wanted to hear. But she didn't. I feel like I set her up because if she said anything other than what I wanted to hear, I use it as an excuse to give up on her. That's not fair to either of us. But my feelings are hurt anywy

[Bill3]

How much are you now inclined to give up on her?

[~EnlightenMe~]

I'm sorry you are in so much painThere is nothing wrong with or bad about you for wanting for someone to love you and care about you. It sounds like you are reenacting something that needs to be healed, which is why you 'get it' intellectually but you don't emotionally. You understand that she is just your therapist, but a the emotional part of you is pushing to fill your needs. People don't realize how confusing and disorienting this is to the person experiencing it. There is no resolution to this conflict it often seems.

I don't think you are setting your T up to fail, BTW. She is a T and hopefully knows how to handle this situation. Like she could say that she absolutely cares about you 100 percent and is commited to be there and help you through. She could help you not feel ashamed about how you feel (since you shouldn't). She could accept your feelings and help you accept them, too.

Maybe it isn't everything you wanted, but it isn't rejection either, TC

[Miswimmy1]

She said too me for real, in person, "I do deeply care about you". But I can't even bring to believe that

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

She said too me for real, in person, "I do deeply care about you". But I can't even bring to believe that

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Miswhimmy,
I hope you are doing ok? Is there anyone in your life right now to care about you? A partner, parents, siblings friends?? Sometimes our support comes from those too, maybe an hour a week with t just isn't enough for your needs right now. ((((hugss)))

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by button30

Miswhimmy,
I hope you are doing ok? Is there anyone in your life right now to care about you? A partner, parents, siblings friends?? Sometimes our support comes from those too, maybe an hour a week with t just isn't enough for your needs right now. ((((hugss)))

Im 15. I dont have a partner, i dont get along with my family, and my best friend doesnt like to talk about this kind of stuff. so im really alone.