I've been making noises about this on a lot of different posts lately, cuz it's been on my mind a lot. I've read articles on the subject, but I wanna hear thoughts from our side of the couch. So to speak. Who usually brings it up? The T or the client? I've been at this long enough to know there's no "should's" or "normally's" about it since everyone is different. Just looking for thoughts I guess. So anyway....

... I have a really good relationship with my T. She's the 'perfect fit' for me as far as T's go! I've learned a ton from her, she's seen all that is me - I've cried there, laughed with her, talked through the lovely transference stuff, read my favorite childhood book to her, been angry at her, thrown things, wrote her a poem, etc.... and still she lets me through the door every week lol. There's been a couple times we've skipped a week either due to her request (vacation) or mine and during both of those 2 week periods between, I have felt so... free... I haven't been repeating to myself multiple times a day "is it next Wednesday yet?" like I used to even from week to week. I'm feeling confident in my own analysis of my dreams, and when some situation or other comes up instead of just reacting I'll catch myself thinking "what would T do?" It's like I sorta have a mini-T inside my head for consultation.

So. I feel like it's time to bring up the subject with T, of bringing our sessions to a close. I've accomplished the goals I went in with, found some new ones, and am working on those now, I do a lot of this "self work" on my own whether or not it's homework from t. Including dream work, which has become a hobby for me, so I know I'll continue that without her to help me do it. I feel like I'm ready to take it from here..... of course knowing I can still call her if I need to.

Has anybody done this? Been the one to bring it up in a positive way? (I don't mean saying "I quit", walking out, and never going back. I've done that twice with other T's so am familiar with that dance!! I'm interested in a healthy termination process.) My T has never said anything about it, I get the distinct feeling she's waiting for me to.

Sorry this got so wordy. I'm formulating how I'm gonna approach the topic with T as I type!!

[Towanda]

Sure sounds like you're ready Artemis! This is the same point I reached with my T, and we started the termination process about a month ago. I actually brought it up with him, and he agreed with me, for all the reasons you mentioned. I feel the same way you do - mini T in my mind and all. I find myself now almost searching for things to talk about some weeks. We are now on an every other week schedule, soon to change to every third week for a short time, then to every month, then every three months, then every six months twice on to termination.

I think if you bring up the topic with your T you will find that she agrees with you - you sound healthy and more than ready. Congratulations on all the hard work you must have done!

[winterbaby]

Yes I've done it, and the work you do on yourself does not necessarily end with therapy. It's an ongoing thing. I felt positive when I left (oh yeah, really sad too, of course I would miss him and our work together) but I knew that he would wish me well and that I needed to move on. I was done, I was just prolonging it because it was so hard to do. Once I ended, it was OK. Sad, but OK. Do it over a few sessions (not just one ending session) and think about all you have accomplished.

thanks towanda and winterbaby! I know it's going to feel sad too of course, and that i'll miss working with her a lot. But it'll be OK, because I feel good about it overall, and I am well-equipped with all that I have learned. Thanks for responding!

That is the place I am at with my T. Basically, we've just agreed that I will call him if the occasion comes up that I need his help. He'll be there for me if I need him. For me it was just a matter of making the decision to just see him as needed, and he was fine with that. Until he decides to retire, I suspect that is the arrangement we'll have. I saw him about once every six weeks or so for a few months, but something came up that I'm seeing him right now maybe once every other week or so. Still very spaced apart, but seeing him as I need to to get through whatever ails me.

It is really a very comfortable place to be in therapy. Just having T as that resource and sounding board now when I need that kind of input, but not having to see him on any kind of regular basis to maintain my balance. I am able to maintain that balance mostly on my own now.

I don't think the "end" has to be a once and forever "the end" that some imagine it has to be. There can be a very healthy spot of maintenance and consultation that can just very naturally come into place.

Thanks Chris! I like that idea "There can be a very healthy spot of maintenance and consultation that can just very naturally come into place." Thanks for sharing that!

Artemis, you sound more than ready to graduate from therapy! I am sure your t knows this but is waiting for you to bring the subject up as she won't want to abandon you! Why not ask her the question you asked us, how do you know when to end therapy?

I had been seeing t1 for a year and a half when she decided it was over- I didn't feel the same, I think she had some issues of her own she was dealing with.

I know what you mean about the breaks and vacations, it's so nice not to have to think about therapy or what t would think or do, you can drive yourself mad with all the thoughts between sessions so not having these will be very empowering!
I am sure your t will leave the door open for you if you should ever need to come back- most ts do, mind didn't she slammed it closed after I left and didn't even terminate over a period of time. So every t is completely different!

Good luck Artemis, let us know how it goes:-)

[CantExplain]

I think I may be coming to the end of my own journey.

[bamapsych]

You sound like you are confident in your progress and ready to at least entertain the idea of termination.

[mcl6136]

With my very best T, I knew it was time to go when we were chatting about our favorite U.S. and Canadian cities, and it was more than $100 an hour and I thought...gee this is more expensive than shooting the breeze really ought to be.

There was simply nothing more to be said... and I was paying to chat. Yes, it was sad, but it was also freeing.

You will KNOW, I think.

[CantExplain]

Therapy starts when you hate your parents
and stops when you don't.

[sittingatwatersedge]

when you no longer worry about having to end it?

i talked with t again this evening about my wanting to end therapy. she expressed again her concern about what I would do without having a place to do my dream work, etc with someone I can bounce ideas off of, etc. since my family doesn't 'get' it at all. She even went as far as to say that it might be that I need to work with someone else that it might not be with her but that I need to continue my work. I was like um no, if I go anywhere, it's gonna be here! I'm feeling a little weird about this - I mean, I feel so ready on one had to 'graduate' and grab my life by the horns. But on the other hand she makes a lot of sense. I love the work we do together, I've made tons of progress, learned so much, continue to get so much good from our sessions.... but this stubborn part of my personality is digging it's heels in. Well, 'quitting' would be gradual anyway, so for now we're going to continue talking about it and see where it goes from her. I for sure don't want to see a different t.

[Miswimmy1]

My t told me last session, "you'll know when it's time."

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Therapy starts when you hate your parents
and stops when you don't.

I don't know if I will ever get to that point.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I don't know if I will ever get to that point.

I didn't think so either, but I'm actually quite close.

[CantExplain]

I talked to T about this today. I said, I would be ready to leave when I saw her as a human being and no longer as a repository for my hopes, fears and fantasies. The end of transference, I guess. She seemed to think that was a good answer.

[Dreamy01]

T told me that I'd know. I guess that sounds rather trite but from past experience I take that to be true.