[elliemay]

"Dear Human: You’ve got it all wrong. You didn’t come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you’ll return.

You came here to learn personal love. Universal love. Messy love. Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling. Demonstrated through the beauty of… messing up. Often."

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Most of the love in my life happened because I loved my therapist first.

It was insanely messy, heartbreaking, joyous, confusing, peaceful.

It translates. It really does. Remember the heart is the only organ that can still work when its broken.

Go through it, don't overthink it. Let it happen.

In the end, it's good. really really good.

[Fixated]

Maybe mention that this has religious content?

Therapy for me so far has been trying to believe that my T cares about me even if she doesn't go out of her way to show it. Even if she has 20-30 other clients that she cares about too...supposedly, that doesn't diminish that she cares about me? I'm not doing terrible well at this mission, but I have my moments.

[Anne2.0]

I don't see the religious content, unless it's the word "divinity", and I suppose it doesn't mean candy. But to me, and I am a very nonreligious person, divinity is not a word limited to any spiritual belief, and can be used to reference the powers of the universe, nature, etc, and not just g-d per se.

I appreciate you sharing this. While I don't feel exactly the same, because my T journey has been long and complicated with 3 different T's, and I don't feel that loving any of them per se has been the process of therapy for me. But therapy has helped me learn to love the people in my life in all the ways (or most of them) shared in that quote. And I knew that I had gotten somewhere in therapy when I talked about how all the people in my life, including the law students I mentor, are so very easy to love. Feeling love flowing out of me at various times when I didn't expect it and for people I didn't expect to feel it for (and I don't mean "love" in a creepy way) has been an amazing experience and I know that I wouldn't be there without therapy, and this maybe-last T.

[stopdog]

Is this some quote from something?

[unaluna]

yeah, elliemay said it and religious content is about coming from and returning to love ie life and death. but basically that t's lesson is love. not fear. not obedience. which is where I am now. and just trying to sit - and move - with his love.

I hope your right about it being "very very good".

SD - The quote is from Courtney A. Walsh

[unaluna]

LC - you're so smart! I was wondering why elliemay was calling us 'humans' - I thought she knew better!

I don't understand it or what it has to do with therapy (or with life), but when I ask Google about Courtney A. Walsh she doesn't seem like an author I'd relate to, so it's all good

Originally Posted by Apteryx

I don't understand it or what it has to do with therapy (or with life), but when I ask Google about Courtney A. Walsh she doesn't seem like an author I'd relate to, so it's all good

Here's my take on it Apt...

I read the quote as a message from God ....saying unconditional love comes from him ( only to be truly experienced before and after death ) and our job on earth is to learn the other types of love , while following God. These "types of love " will be facilitated through mistakes and be felt and understood by experiencing those mistakes and allowing our selves to make them, often.

Originally Posted by hankster

yeah, elliemay said it and religious content is about coming from and returning to love ie life and death. but basically that t's lesson is love. not fear. not obedience. which is where I am now. and just trying to sit - and move - with his love.

How did you get your T to love you? How do you know he does? What does he do to show you that he loves you? I wish so much I could feel that way about my T, but I don't. And I don't know if it's me or if it's him.
(BTW, this is a sincere question - I truly want to know)

Elliemay - Same question to you because it seems like your T's love helped you so much.

I didn't read this as religious... I think spirituality can be a different thing, depending on your views.

It's a good quote. Thanks for sharing

[autotelica]

One day someone will post a quote that will resonate with my experience and won't leave me thinking, "Huh?"

That said, I HAVE learned a great deal about love from therapy. Just not those kinds of things. The most important thing I've gotten out of it is that love is an action as well as an emotion. If you can't feel the emotion, you can still show it. Maybe the emotion will follow...or not. But no one except for you has to know either way.

[stopdog]

I don't relate to the concept of love and therapy combined at all. But we all go to therapy for different reasons. I just don't go for anything having to do with love hence the quote fails to resonate with me at all. But good that it seems useful to others.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

How did you get your T to love you? How do you know he does? What does he do to show you that he loves you? I wish so much I could feel that way about my T, but I don't. And I don't know if it's me or if it's him.
(BTW, this is a sincere question - I truly want to know)

maybe it's not so stand-alone - it's more in response to, as opposed to what things were like for me as a kid. living in fear and obedience was terrifying and paralysing - and doesn't translate well to adulthood. sure, I can see why they - my family of origin and the nuns thru 8th grade - did this to me; they didn't know what else to do, they were scared for and of me, they just held on and tried to keep me 'safe' until they weren't responsible for me anymore. but they did me a disservice, an underservice. so t 'loves' me in giving me my own space now, not crushing me. teaching me not to crush those I love to keep them safe from me. like I said in response elsewhere to rainbow8, I couldn't even acknowledge my own need or desire for a glass of water to him. now I might bring in my own arnold palmer and give him a taste - that is SO human, so different. but that has been a lot of time, a lot of openness, a lot of standing by each other? but mostly my learning from him. I also see my impatience with people on pc, that he has gone beyond and can still be sympathetic to - that certainly helps puts things in perspective. did I wander off point? I usually do

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Here's my take on it Apt...

I read the quote as a message from God ....saying unconditional love comes from him ( only to be truly experienced before and after death ) and our job on earth is to learn the other types of love , while following God. These "types of love " will be facilitated through mistakes and be felt and understood by experiencing those mistakes and allowing our selves to make them, often.

FWIW I didn't get that at all. I wouldn't have posted it if that's how i interpreted it.

In fact, in my mind, that's likely the last thing God would say to us.

I think it just means love is love. Embrace it. Get hurt by it. Love anyway. Just be open and love anyway.

I was tremendously hurt by my therapist on multiple occasions. Therapy hurt, it was messy, awful. I fully engaged anyway and trusted him with this whole big mess that was me.

He loved me, he invested in me, and I loved him right back. Opening myself to that - allowing that love to exist, even allowing myself to be hurt by it - changed my whole life.

Nope God didn't have a darn thing to do with it.

Originally Posted by elliemay

FWIW I didn't get that at all. I wouldn't have posted it if that's how i interpreted it.

In fact, in my mind, that's likely the last thing God would say to us.

I think it just means love is love. Embrace it. Get hurt by it. Love anyway. Just be open and love anyway.

I was tremendously hurt by my therapist on multiple occasions. Therapy hurt, it was messy, awful. I fully engaged anyway and trusted him with this whole big mess that was me.

He loved me, he invested in me, and I loved him right back. Opening myself to that - allowing that love to exist, even allowing myself to be hurt by it - changed my whole life.

Nope God didn't have a darn thing to do with it.

sorry to have offended you...it was what I got from the quote.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

How did you get your T to love you?

You don't get your therapist (or anyone really) to love you. You open yourself to the idea that he might.

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

How do you know he does? What does he do to show you that he loves you?

Once you open yourself to the concept that he *might* love you, you begin to look for evidence that he *does* rather than evidence that he *doesn't*. That's a real paradigm shifter - at least it was for me.

you know I think I might be using "love" and "connection" interchangeably here.

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

I wish so much I could feel that way about my T, but I don't. And I don't know if it's me or if it's him.
(BTW, this is a sincere question - I truly want to know)

Well, have you entertained the idea that there could be love/connection to be had there? That it might be rather safe to do so? You don't have to buy into it all at once. Just sort of "try it on" for awhile. See what you see.