[alone in the world]

After posting on the thread 'dear T' I decided to write those thoughts down for myself to read over and to maybe share with T. After writing nearly everyday for several weeks I printed them out and wanted to see if I could take them into session and share. I did take them but kept them to myself. Over the weekend I deceded to mail them to my T and I did. Today is my session and I am apprehensive about going, because it will be brought up. I am not sure I am brave enough to actually discuss what was written, I just wanted her to have a peek inside since I hide myself from her, even though I trust and believe in her. Do I go or do I not face what I put into action? So conflicted. The little girl in me wants the attention the letter will bring , but the adult me says I should never have mailed it. Who is right? Do I face my fears or do I continue to run from what is difficult? not sure which way to go today. feeling lost and unsure of myself, and know the one person who can help with that is T. Which way do I go. wish I could make up my mind.

I vote go.... obviously someone inside you ( little Alone) wanted T to know what's in those letters. Everyone here has one fundamental thing in common, we want to get to a better self. This was a huge step and the next one is just as large, one foot in front of the other. Your story has to be told or T won't know how to help you. Stay brave.

[CantExplain]

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. In therapy, mistakes make the most progress.

[0w6c379]

[quote=alone in the world;2650522]

So, Alone in the World, how did your session go? I hope you went and I hope it was good for you. I like that you wrote him. I sometimes write down my feeligs too. I have never mailed them. I bring them to session and read from my letters or notes. It definitely helps me say things I would not say otherwise. It is probably a good thing that you sent him the letter. I hope it helps you in session.

Originally Posted by alone in the world

After posting on the thread 'dear T' I decided to write those thoughts down for myself to read over and to maybe share with T. After writing nearly everyday for several weeks I printed them out and wanted to see if I could take them into session and share. I did take them but kept them to myself. Over the weekend I deceded to mail them to my T and I did. Today is my session and I am apprehensive about going, because it will be brought up. I am not sure I am brave enough to actually discuss what was written, I just wanted her to have a peek inside since I hide myself from her, even though I trust and believe in her. Do I go or do I not face what I put into action? So conflicted. The little girl in me wants the attention the letter will bring , but the adult me says I should never have mailed it. Who is right? Do I face my fears or do I continue to run from what is difficult? not sure which way to go today. feeling lost and unsure of myself, and know the one person who can help with that is T. Which way do I go. wish I could make up my mind.

the little girl is right. just let it out. i think my T and I have gotten as close as we have because of my emails, because of knowing the things I could never say to her. Keep writing. I wish you the best of luck in your session.

[alone in the world]

[quote=Michelle25;2655070]

Originally Posted by alone in the world

So, Alone in the World, how did your session go? I hope you went and I hope it was good for you. I like that you wrote him. I sometimes write down my feeligs too. I have never mailed them. I bring them to session and read from my letters or notes. It definitely helps me say things I would not say otherwise. It is probably a good thing that you sent him the letter. I hope it helps you in session.

Went to session and did not address the letter because of more pressing things. she did mention in passing that shw realize I have an agenda that I don't bring into session and I need to consider doing it. Maybe next week I will bring it up as I have the newest thoughts to add.

[Wren_]

will she bring it up again if you don't?

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

will she bring it up again if you don't?

I think it's unlikely that a T would, or should, bring something up independently. I suspect it depends on the client, and on the T, and probably more specifically on the context of the "something" and the relationship between the client and T. For the most part, I suspect that many people need to learn to take control of their own lives, and setting the agenda in T is one way to start to do that. We have to learn to bring our issues forward; our T's can do it for us but they can do it with us. If we are having trouble bringing something forward, then we can ask for help. But just putting it out there and expecting a T to deal with it in the absence of further input from us, I don't think is the way it will or should go. Our T's can't decide for us what we need to talk about or deal about.

I think if one of my T's had ever brought something up based on the voluminous materials I had written to them, I would have told them to stop. Of course I have always chosen super noncontrolling T's and it would be much worse for me for a T to try to direct the issues than pretty much anything else.

There is also potential harm in a T bringing up an issue for the agenda, and that is forcing it before the client is ready. Although I was ready to share information over and over again through my writings, I wasn't ready to talk about. Those are really different things. For T to bring up something I'd written runs the risk of not only being intrusive (not a good thing for someone with my history) but also for inducing a traumatic reaction to even the mention of it, if I'm not ready. That's probably the bigger concern for T's, and one of the biggest traps for clients. It is so easy to think that if my T doesn't bring something up that he thinks or even knows is important to me, then he must not care about that issue or about me resolving it. He might try very gentle questioning or vague inquiry but mostly he's just trying to create a safe space so what I need to talk about can emerge in a natural way,not forced by him.

That's my take on it.

[stopdog]

I choose therapists who are willing to bring things up. I do not know the sorts of things one is supposed to talk about in therapy that will help with why I see and am willing to pay a therapist. I expect a therapist to know that sort of thing - I think that is the main part of their job. If I knew what was supposed to be talked about, I would not need a therapist. For me, then I can choose to go along with it or not. I do not see there being just one good way for people to engage with therapists.

[autotelica]

I think some therapists, at least, are quite comfortable bringing up issues. Especially if they sense that nothing will happen otherwise.

If you've got a lot of issues to talk about, then it is presumptuous for the therapist to step in and select one, perhaps. But not all clients are full of issues. For some, their main problem is that they don't have any or they don't know how to put those issues to words--either written or spoken.

[Anne2.0]

I think that however people want to decide how their therapy agenda, whether clients do it completely on their own or therapists decide what clients should focus on, isn't really the issue most of the time. When T's and clients discuss these things and arrive at a solution that works, that's a good thing. I wasn't commenting on what people should do, although I always find it interesting when people distill it down to that.

Like many other things in therapy, it's the expectations and assumptions that are made about what T's should do and what it means if they don't, that are often to the stuff of trouble.

[autotelica]

I'm finding it interesting that you think anyone was distilling what you were saying in any particular way.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by autotelica

I'm finding it interesting that you think anyone was distilling what you were saying in any particular way.

You know, I think this is sarcastic, and mocking, and just generally mean and unnecessary.

[stopdog]

Alone in the World - I sometimes send letters to the therapist because I need time to sort through something and I want to get it out and away from me. I like to get it all down because it seems to me that during the appointment I cannot think clearly nor am I as articulate as usual.

[autotelica]

Anne, I'm sorry you are feeling mocked. I was not mocking you; I was reflecting you. I DO find it interesting that you are feeling "distilled". I scanned through the thread and did not see any direct reference to anything you had written that would make me think that. So your comment seems to be coming out of nowhere, and thus it is "interesting".

It was a free form conversation. No one was arguing with you--only adding their two cents. When I disagree with a poster, I usually am direct about it. I assume that stopdog is like this as well. Was there someone else you were addressing your comment towards?

[murray]

I also send stuff to my T during the week to get it out and away from me among other reasons. Usually when I go to session I am pretty anxious and my T will usually mention something from my weekly writings that he sees as a jumping off point. This usually leads to a discussion and works very well for us. If I went in and T simply waited for me to bring up something....well, we'd probably be siting in silence or discussing the weather, the latest movie I'd watched or something else unnecessary. Thankfully T and I have found a way to work together that is helpful for me. I find it interesting how many different way there are for T's to work with various people and am glad that I found one who's style works well for me.

[alone in the world]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

will she bring it up again if you don't?

Not sure she will because she does want me to feel comfortable enough to bring things into session. I think I need to do it.