Gaming the psychotherapist

Nov 07, 2012 at 03:33 AM

Something I've become aware of but only recently. I mimic or pick up on character's of fiction, or sometimes real life people and mimic their personalities. So much so that I actually have views and feelings similar to that person.

I've also noticed I mimic characteristic's of different personality disorders in psychotherapy. Now the strange thing is, I'm not always aware that I'm doing it, as bizarre as that seems. But I've manipulated my therapist many times. I wondering what this is, why I do it and if anyone else here has done a similar thing.

Asiablue · Nov 07, 2012 at 04:32 AM

Could it be a way of creating distance from your real self, or a barrier between you and your therapist?

Is it only in therapy you do this do you think? Could it be that you feel your own problems are not safe to talk about or are not worthy enough of therapy and therefore you make up other scenarios?

Lots of things could be going on. Hard to say why. x

Nov 07, 2012 at 04:46 AM

Not I do it out of therapy also. I'm also very good at it because without asking I managed to manipulate my thearpist into saying I have two personality disorders that I don't actually have. All I can say is that why I do it I don't know. There's no real gain to do it. If anything I'm wasting my money but I become something so well that I actually act like that person and get lost in to who I really am. I think part of it is because of my current life situation I'm bored and want to create some drama, and my outlet is the psychotherapy.

Asiablue · Nov 07, 2012 at 04:52 AM

Do you feel you can talk to your therapist about this? I think it's really important.

You say there is no real gain to it, but i think there must be. Is it the thrill of the manipulation? Is it the attention you get from having these other "personality disorders", is it that you like the distance it puts between you and your therapist. Like a cloak you wear that protects you from the outside world?

Could it just be that you are very uncertain of your own identity, and not confident with who you actually are, perhaps it makes you feel vulnerable, therefore you create new personas?

Nov 07, 2012 at 04:56 AM

Partly my life being boring. I'm using psychotherapy to fill a void and get rid of the boredom. A lot of things you mention are probably true. I'll tell her about it.

Nov 07, 2012 at 06:13 AM

So do anyone else have any input on this? I don't mind if it's negative info. I'm just curious if anyone else has done something similar.

bamapsych · Nov 07, 2012 at 07:04 AM

The only thing I can think of is that you don't really have an identity of your own, so whoever you're with you take on their identity. Maybe it seems safe that way since you assume they will accept you if you are like them. It's almost like having merger fantasies. Merging is where the you long to get so close to the someone as to "merge" and be part of the person and his/her life. It is about feeling less than whole and feeling the need to become part of another to feel okay (to merge).

Nov 07, 2012 at 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

Something I've become aware of but only recently. I mimic or pick up on character's of fiction, or sometimes real life people and mimic their personalities. So much so that I actually have views and feelings similar to that person.

I have done exactly this all my life, or at least since I learnt to read. I try to act, talk and think like people in books I read because I don't know how real-life people act, talk and think, basically. I have no sense of my own personality, and not a lot of sense of my own identity. I've discussed it a little bit with my T, but it's something I need to talk more about.

I'm sorry - this isn't very helpful, I know, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

sunrise · Nov 07, 2012 at 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

But I've manipulated my therapist many times. I wondering what this is, why I do it and if anyone else here has done a similar thing.

I haven't done that myself, but I work at a hospital and encounter quite a few patients who like to game and manipulate the staff. We actually call them "gamey." It is not a trait I really like in a patient, but I understand they are sick. Many of them have suffered trauma and been abused, so being "gamey" could be a protective mechanism. I guess I feel they need some extra compassion, even though that trait makes them more challenging to work with. Lycanthrope, why you do this would be very much worth exploring with your T.

stopdog · Nov 07, 2012 at 09:42 AM

I use characters from literature to try to explain myself. It would help if the therapist I see was the least bit familiar with literature, which she does not seem to be.

feralkittymom · Nov 07, 2012 at 09:46 AM

You've said you're bored and your life is boring, but I wonder if that's really true. Could it be that what feels like boredom is actually the experience of distancing yourself from your own experience? And then the filling in with these other characterizations makes you feel safer--like yes, I do exist?

It just feels to me like a needing to not recognize your self for some reason.

I didn't do that, but I did feel distanced from my self and life from the time I was a child through early adulthood. Nothing felt real. Like seeing everything through a fog. It was a defense against recognizing abuse. I couldn't selectively feel, so I had to shut everything down.

rothfan6 · Nov 07, 2012 at 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

Something I've become aware of but only recently. I mimic or pick up on character's of fiction, or sometimes real life people and mimic their personalities. So much so that I actually have views and feelings similar to that person.

I do this as well. I pick up people's mannerisms, body language, diction, personality. I not aware of it at first either. I guess I do it because I dont have an idea of who I am so I try to fill in the pieces.

Miswimmy1 · 12:06 PM

my t has accused me of manipulation many times. I dont see it that way. I see it more as "negotiation". lol. But it may hav something to do with the fact that my parents are quite pushovers, so I am used to pursuading until I get what I want. I know that sounds really bad, but I guess that might be where I get it. Who knows...

Nov 07, 2012 at 12:00 PM

I did this when I was younger, and now I know it's because my own personality had not developed. (I've finally found out why it didn't develop, but that's another story.) But anyway, I know exactly what you're talking about. Yes, it's definitely unconscious. It went away when I finally started to discover who I really was, which wasn't until my early 40's.

To me, taking on other's personalities or mannerisms is a symptom rather than an actual condition. I think if you use therapy to work on discovering who you really are, this other thing will just go away by itself. And I really hope you will. It really is the greatest feeling in the world to know that you are truly yourself, warts and all. It's worth fighting for!

Anne2.0 · Nov 07, 2012 at 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

I'm also very good at it because without asking I managed to manipulate my thearpist into saying I have two personality disorders that I don't actually have. All I can say is that why I do it I don't know. There's no real gain to do it.

Of course there is gain to it, as symptoms usually "make sense." I don't know if this would be considered a defense, as in you are defending against dealing with your own life, which might be in a "gain" in and of itself. You also might be gaining some kind of self satisfaction, which I think I hear behind your words but could be wrong, in terms of putting one over on your therapist, "tricking" her believing something was true that was not true. You could really play this sort of game quite endlessly, but it probably doesn't help you deal with whatever you came to therapy to deal with.

I think talking about it and coming clean with your T would be a great place to start. It's not really a novel thing that most therapists have not encountered before. There was a famous experiment in the 1970's where journalism students pretended to be mentally ill and were institutionalized with psychotic disorders. When they tried to explain that they had faked their symptoms and wanted out, they had a hard time getting the various T's to believe them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosenhan_experiment

Nov 07, 2012 at 01:35 PM

Yes I do get enjoyment over getting one on the therapist. Especially since I know she's very intelligent and successful, to get one over her does feel good at times but also not nice. I also know that really she probably won't be that upset because she's still getting paid. I'm not proud of it, I don't know that I'm doing it and when I do know it's mixed feelings of feeling powerful but also repulsed by doing that to someone who is trying to help.

Asiablue · Nov 07, 2012 at 02:13 PM

ok, you made an important point Lycanthrope, it makes you feel powerful that's a good discovery. The incentive to "game" especially intelligent people is that it makes you feel powerful. Perhaps it makes you feel in control.

Was there times in your life where you felt disenpowered and/or had no control? Those are very frightening things to feel, therefore the gaming now might be about protecting yourself from ever feeling those things again??

bamapsych · Nov 07, 2012 at 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

Yes I do get enjoyment over getting one on the therapist. Especially since I know she's very intelligent and successful, to get one over her does feel good at times but also not nice. I also know that really she probably won't be that upset because she's still getting paid. I'm not proud of it, I don't know that I'm doing it and when I do know it's mixed feelings of feeling powerful but also repulsed by doing that to someone who is trying to help.

I can totally relate. Check out this post that I started a few months ago about getting one over on my T about her age.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=240455

Nov 07, 2012 at 02:52 PM

Thank you, but the level of manipulation and deceit I've pulled on my T is off the scale. I went to psychotherapy because I wanted to change and in the end it's became nothing more then a game that's full of drama.

Nov 07, 2012 at 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asiablue

ok, you made an important point Lycanthrope, it makes you feel powerful that's a good discovery. The incentive to "game" especially intelligent people is that it makes you feel powerful. Perhaps it makes you feel in control.

Was there times in your life where you felt disenpowered and/or had no control? Those are very frightening things to feel, therefore the gaming now might be about protecting yourself from ever feeling those things again??

Yes. My whole life is about gaining control or power. To be around such a person wouldn't be nice. I went to psychotherapy for the help but I need to be in control. In a psychotherapy realationship we as client are in a vulnerable position. It's something I have trouble dealing with.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Gaming the psychotherapist

My Support Forums

Anonymous200125 Guest Posts: n/a	Nov 07, 2012 at 04:56 AM #5 Partly my life being boring. I'm using psychotherapy to fill a void and get rid of the boredom. A lot of things you mention are probably true. I'll tell her about it.
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous200125 Guest Posts: n/a	Nov 07, 2012 at 06:13 AM #6 So do anyone else have any input on this? I don't mind if it's negative info. I'm just curious if anyone else has done something similar.
	Reply With Quote

stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 34,745 (SuperPoster!) 12 1 hugs given	Nov 07, 2012 at 09:42 AM #10 I use characters from literature to try to explain myself. It would help if the therapist I see was the least bit familiar with literature, which she does not seem to be.
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous200125 Guest Posts: n/a	Nov 07, 2012 at 02:52 PM #19 Thank you, but the level of manipulation and deceit I've pulled on my T is off the scale. I went to psychotherapy because I wanted to change and in the end it's became nothing more then a game that's full of drama.
	Reply With Quote